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Old 01-07-2013, 03:46 PM
 
788 posts, read 996,271 times
Reputation: 1227

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Let me preface this thing by saying that I've been single for 5.5 years and am completely ready to be in a relationship. My life fell apart 5.5 years ago (relationship, job, place where I lived, but not family, drugs or any of that nonsense) and I felt it would be wrong to enter another relationship without taking care of myself first. I'm not someone who tries to drag others down while I'm down, and I'm certainly not someone who wants others to "fix" me or my problems, so I dealt with it all on my own. I changed my life, live in a new city, have a great new career, much better friends, am much happier now, etc., and am completely stable and able to enter a relationship that will hopefully be a long-term commitment.

Anyway, I started a new job a few months ago and met a man there. He has no idea I'm interested in him, nor does anyone else. He's incredibly confident, which translates automatically into sex appeal for me. He always had a big, beautiful smile, is kind and gracious to everyone, regardless of rank (and he's at the top), is incredibly funny and an all around joy to be around. He's very smart and is a big activist for a cause he believes in, which is huge to me because I'm an activist for causes I believe in. He's also active in his church, which I love, because I can't date an atheist. But he's not a religious zealot either (that would turn me off).

In many ways, the characteristics that attract me to him are exactly what attracted me to the love of my life. We broke up amicably and remain very good friends, but we just couldn't work out differences that would've prevented us from having a good marriage. So we split instead of getting married. One major issue (and there were more) was that my ex considered buying a home an inconceivable notion because he thought down payments were more than we could save for. He also didn't like the idea of saving much for retirement because he felt that it wasn't really necessary. In reality, we were perfectly capable of being very financially stable because I had a lot of money, despite being 18 years younger and not having a high income - I just made really good financial choices. He just didn't want to control his spending, and I didn't want to have to spend the rest of my life making sacrifices to accommodate all his spending.

I can already tell that this guy at work has his finances in order, so that would issue would never arise with this guy. The thing is, 1) we work together, and 2) he's 16 years older. I'm not sure why, but I'm incredibly attracted to older men, and they always seem to like me. There are a number of guys my age at my job, but they're mostly married, unattractive, arrogant or a combination of these characteristics. There's only one I know of who's attractive, apparently single, and seemingly very nice, but I rarely have any interaction with him. Other than that, I rarely meet guys. Online dating has been a disaster, and it's been even worse when friends have tried to set me up with guys.

To be honest, I can't tell if the older man is interested in me or not. I don't know if it's just me or if it's with everyone he talks to, but he locks eyes with me. He always makes full on eye contact and holds it. It is unbelievably powerful and attractive. He's been incredibly kind to me while I'm training, and I'm not sure if it's because I'm a female or what, but I've noticed he's slightly harsher with males (not harsh, though, at all. Maybe stern is a better word.). From what I can tell, he's not married and doesn't have kids. I'm not sure if he's divorced.

Any ideas on how to handle this?! I'm obsessing over this man! He's not drop dead gorgeous or anything like that, but I am so attracted to this man. I feel like a teenager. My friend says I'm crazy for liking an older man, but I can't help it.
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Old 01-07-2013, 03:52 PM
 
Location: Albuquerque, NM
13,295 posts, read 12,083,688 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by katykat01 View Post
Any ideas on how to handle this?!
Ask him out.





Ok...problem solved.


Who's next?
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Old 01-07-2013, 03:56 PM
 
824 posts, read 1,295,113 times
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You are single, he's single, you both like each other? Go for it.

16 years older is not like he could be you father, or something, not a big deal.
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Old 01-07-2013, 04:01 PM
 
Location: Albuquerque, NM
13,295 posts, read 12,083,688 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Javier77 View Post
16 years older is not like he could be you father, or something, not a big deal.
Well...yeah he could be
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Old 01-07-2013, 04:06 PM
 
824 posts, read 1,295,113 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by filihok View Post
Well...yeah he could be


Technicaly speaking yes, but I guess a generational gap would be 20 years or older.


I think she should try and see what happens, then a few years later she can say "been there,done that, bought the t-shirt"
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Old 01-07-2013, 04:07 PM
 
788 posts, read 996,271 times
Reputation: 1227
LOL! Thanks, you two!

I'm not settled enough into my job yet to ask him out, nor am I certain enough that he's without baggage to ask him out. If he has kids, I'm not interested. If he has a wife, I'm not interested. But I don't think he has either. I just don't know for sure, and I can't risk anything uncomfortable, since I plan to be at this job for a long time.
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Old 01-07-2013, 04:11 PM
 
824 posts, read 1,295,113 times
Reputation: 907
Baby steps, baby, babysteps.
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Old 01-07-2013, 04:31 PM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
36,913 posts, read 35,657,658 times
Reputation: 69320
You need to chill.

I've worked In many different environments, and confidence is one reason those at the top get there.

Eye contact is a big part of being a leader as well.

Don't read too much into it, and find something else to occupy your mind when you start to obsess over him.

Not as fun, I know, but much better in the long run.
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Old 01-07-2013, 04:58 PM
 
788 posts, read 996,271 times
Reputation: 1227
Quote:
Originally Posted by Wmsn4Life View Post
You need to chill.

I've worked In many different environments, and confidence is one reason those at the top get there.

Eye contact is a big part of being a leader as well.

Don't read too much into it, and find something else to occupy your mind when you start to obsess over him.

Not as fun, I know, but much better in the long run.
I know I need to chill - that's why I vented here.

As much as I love the eye contact, I don't want to read too much into it, since I know it's part of his confidence and part of being an effective leader. I'm just trying to figure out if there's more to it, since he'll laugh with his group and turn to me to see if I'm laughing too when he makes jokes. If I'm laughing and looking at him, he locks eyes. It's really kind of hot.
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Old 01-07-2013, 06:52 PM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
36,913 posts, read 35,657,658 times
Reputation: 69320
Well, I hope y'all don't work in a hospital or nuclear lab or anything.

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