I need advice! (single, call, relations, serious)

[shuke]

Originally Posted by AT9

Well I finally talked to her about starting a relationship sometime and she said she wanted to, but not until we get over our shyness. So any ideas on how to do that without going on any "dates" (keep in mind I only get to see her about once a week)? ANd how do we know we're at the point where we should go out?

OK, here's the deal AT9.... you're going to have to grow a pair and be A LOT more outgoing - towards her - to overcome that shyness. This isn't something that is likely to occur naturally unless you take the above poster's suggestion about getting drunk.

You want to know one reason why "nice" girls, such as this, go for the "bad boy" types, while seemingly upstanding citizens, such as yourself, spend every weekend with Mr. Hand? Well, there are a number of reasons, but among them... a girl isn't left wondering whether that bad boy likes her or not. Now, she may wonder about ulterior motives... that's for another thread... but she will know for sure that, at some level, the bad boy is definitely interested in her.

So here's AT9, with the apple of his eye in sight... contrats on trying to break the ice with her, but you're going to have to be a lot more forward. Look up some corny jokes and keep on hammering away at that ice every time you see her. I'm partial to Rodney Dangerfield's one-liners... clean, for the most part, and you gotta have the sense of humor of your average C-D moderator not to chuckle at gems like these:


- My mother never breast fed me. She told me that she only liked me as a friend.

- When I was a kid I got no respect. The time I was kidnapped, and the kidnappers sent my parents a note they said, "We want five thousand dollars or you'll see your kid again."

- Some dog I got too. We call him Egypt because he leaves a pyramid in every room.

- With my dog I don't get no respect. He keeps barking at the front door. He doesn't want to go out. He wants me to leave.

- I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.

- One year they wanted to make me poster boy... for birth control.

Hopefully you get the idea.... ABOVE ALL, don't take yourself too darned seriously. Really... it's kind of an oxymoron, but in order to get somewhere with this girl, you're going to have to be less concerned about what she thinks of you. That's part of what drives the shyness... afraid of doing or saying the wrong thing, resulting in some sort of rejection. Forget about all that. Learn from ol' shukey, here... I figure the girls all know I'm a jerk, anyhow, so what have I got to lose?

So take the lesson, AT9... go after her. Joke around.... if you can make her laugh, you're going to be a long way towards breaking down that ice wall and getting closer to her. Ability to laugh at yourself is a big part of that.

And even if you can't joke around and make her laugh... AT LEAST show some interest in what she's doing. Ask her what kind of stuff she's interested in... and then show interest in what she's into. If she's into... say... hitting the yard sales looking for antiques, ask her what kind of old junk she likes. If she likes oh... old movie posters, for example, get her talking about that... then, by hook or by crook, get yourself a nice old movie poster without breaking the bank and ask her if she'd like to come take a look at it over the weekend. Then talk her into going antiquing with you... something along those lines. Get it?

But you cannot sit around just hoping to get over the shyness. It's going to take overt action on your part and that sounds like it will likely involve your getting out of your own "comfort" zone so that she can get comfortable with you.

Good luck.

Now go get her!

[AT9]

Well, once again, thanks for all the advice! I know what the problem is, that I am too shy and I am too worried about what she will think of me. When in reality, I KNOW (she told me) that she really likes me, so I just need to forget about sounding stupid and talk to her as much as I can. Overcomming this will be a big challenge for me, but she's worth it.

[johnrex62]

Back in my dinosaur days, we always enjoyed the community haunted houses as a fun group date and we could hang back a little to be "alone" without really being alone. Shyness is conquered by familiarity. A little bit leads to a little bit more and before you know it, shyness has vanished between you.

Good luck and enjoy these times. Actually, if you do sound a little stupid around her she will think it is cute for about a year, then it might get on her nerves.

[keeperk]

Hey AT9, I read Shuke's advice and find it quite to the point and I'll admit very amusing!
I'll have to say take the advice, but will add this.

I was so very shy in my earlier years it was painful to the extent of almost retarded social ineptness.

I learned the hard way... God made us as us. No one better than the other. We as Gods children are all just as good as the other person, we're just made differently. I would find self esteem issues to be born with the ideas we are not quite up to par to the other person.

You really sound like a sweet person and deserving, and just need to overcome those issues.

Get over yourself! It's not all about you! Hope you understand that. The girl likes you, you need to get over you! Be more interested in her and you'll be less interested in what she thinks about you. You are God's child too. Hope that helps, and good luck to you.

and oh yeah, you asked her if she wanted a "relationship" she said she wants to know you first. That is the DATE! You ask for the date first, not the relationship. The relationship happens on it's own, it's on automatic pilot if the date goes well.

[Rhett_Butler]

Originally Posted by songinthewind7

Start by sitting next to her in church.
Maybe you can invite her to lunch after church with your family.
I used to be really shy when I was younger and somehow outgrew it. I think a good way to do this is to be yourself.
You like her and YOU KNOW she likes you, so that's a good start.

Perhaps then a walk through a dewey meadow and a picnic with little lady-fingers and tea, followed by a rousing chorus of "The Hills are aliiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiive with the sound of muuuuuuuuuuuuuuusiiiiiiiiiic"....

[AT9]

Originally Posted by keeperk

Hey AT9, I read Shuke's advice and find it quite to the point and I'll admit very amusing!
I'll have to say take the advice, but will add this.

I was so very shy in my earlier years it was painful to the extent of almost retarded social ineptness.

I learned the hard way... God made us as us. No one better than the other. We as Gods children are all just as good as the other person, we're just made differently. I would find self esteem issues to be born with the ideas we are not quite up to par to the other person.

You really sound like a sweet person and deserving, and just need to overcome those issues.

Get over yourself! It's not all about you! Hope you understand that. The girl likes you, you need to get over you! Be more interested in her and you'll be less interested in what she thinks about you. You are God's child too. Hope that helps, and good luck to you.

and oh yeah, you asked her if she wanted a "relationship" she said she wants to know you first. That is the DATE! You ask for the date first, not the relationship. The relationship happens on it's own, it's on automatic pilot if the date goes well.

Well, I did ask for the "date" first, but she thinks that we shouldn't go out until we are comfortable around each other....which I understand, but my logic was that we won't be very comfortable around each other until we spend more time together (casual dates). So until then, I'll just have to break out of my shell without going on any "dates". Your right, I need to get over me! I know it's not all about me, that is not my focus, but it is still part of it and it is holding me back. I am determined to get over this, she is to great of a person to let shyness get in the way.

"- When I was a kid I got no respect. The time I was kidnapped, and the kidnappers sent my parents a note they said, "We want five thousand dollars or you'll see your kid again."

[miu]

If you both are that shy, but you know that she is "sweet" on you, then just be friends with her first and don't worry about doing romantic activities with her for a while. In high school, there was a guy that I liked and we both were shy. Things that we did together was bicycle, play tennis and do homework at the library together. Worry about the holding hands and kissing stuff until you both are more comfortable in each others company.

Also do some stuff in groups with other friends.

[Miborn]

If she likes to watch any of the HS sports than ask her to one.

[Rance]

Take her in your arms...and plant a big kiss on her lips. If that don't break the ice...then...definately sit by her in church. If she let's you.

[AT9]

Originally Posted by Miborn

If she likes to watch any of the HS sports than ask her to one.

Actually.....her older sister plays volleyball for a local college and she has a game TONIGHT, should I call her and ask if she wants to go to the game?