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Why would you ask your wife who is supposed to be taking birth control but is not "Are you taking your birth control?"
I would have never dreamed of asking my first wife if she was taking her birth control. It was a given that she was doing so.
What prompted you to ask the question?
Because I know she can be irresponsible, and when she was taking it, i noticed every now and again her taking a pill, i couldnt remember the last time i saw her taking a pill so i was suspicious, I asked, and she said yes, i think she just figured she'd be ok because I still pullout every time.
You've been her enabler for years, and now it bit you in the butt. You had low standards when you chose a mate, stuck with her all these years, and now you want to change the rules. Do what you want as far as leaving or staying, but this was something you set yourself up for. The very fact that you felt you had to ask repeatedly whether she was taking her birth control indicates how low your level of trust in her was. Did it make you feel stronger or more powerful or more virtuous to have a mate that was below you? Let me guess... she's really hot, isn't she?
I'd say at this point, do what's best for your kids. But that's just my opinion.
My wife is not below me. She is a great mother. And yes, I enabled.
i think she just figured she'd be ok because I still pullout every time.
If this is what she thought, she's ignorant. (Well...maybe not anymore.) Penetration isn't necessary in order for a pregnancy to occur. Pre-*** can get someone pregnant, even if it only touches the external genitalia, or the leg nearby. "She'd be ok"? You mean she thought no birth control was necessary at all? Why was she taking it for 9 years, then? You can see that she quit taking it deliberately, right? For an entire two months. She didn't have selective amnesia for 2 months.
So sorry this happened. But now you know she's completely untrustworthy, and couldn't care less about your priorities in life.
Because I know she can be irresponsible, and when she was taking it, i noticed every now and again her taking a pill, i couldnt remember the last time i saw her taking a pill so i was suspicious, I asked, and she said yes, i think she just figured she'd be ok because I still pullout every time.
Withdrawal is NOT an effective birth control method, no way no how.
My wife is not below me. She is a great mother. And yes, I enabled.
Interesting. In your OP, you say all of the following:
"Well, my wife stops taking birth control and tells me she is taking it, and I did ask, many times, she is now pregnant."
"My wife has been given everything her entire life and has never worked hard for anything, when she makes a mess of something, someone else cleans it up."
"that type of irresponsible behavior will persist if I just work harder to overcome roadblocks."
"I want to see the world, and I want my daughters to see the world and to know that America isn't everything there is to know, and my wife doesn't seem to want that."
"my wife wants to travel, but doesn't save money or make money to travel, and when she gets to where she wanted to go, its not to learn and enjoy the people and absorb the culture, but to go to a cool place, take pictures, and brag about it on Facebook."
You went pretty far out of your way to portray her as willfully deceptive, spoiled and self-entitled, irresponsible, willfully ignorant and utterly shallow. Sounds like great mom material.
I didn't read the rest of the responses because I just can't wrap my head around this...
She didn't want another child, but she stopped taking birth control and didn't tell you when you asked.
Ummm...so what did she think would happen when you had sex????
I mean it's not as if she said "Oh crap...I haven't taken my pill in 5 days!!!" and started panicking. You ASKED her and she LIED and said she was taking it. I would have to assume the pregnancy was intentional.
Ok, long story but lets see if i can abstract it.
9 Years ago my wife and I married and had a daughter. OK! I joined the Army, stopped being lazy and became very ambitious and hard working. Wife not so ambitious but it is not a flaw as I see it, just who she is. Daughter 2 is conceived after my 2nd deployment, I am injured, retired out of the Army. I go to school now, and I am doing really well. I work hard for my family and my time and energy is stretched thin. This year was supposed to be MY year, where I could be a little selfish: Columbia University, Paris in the summer with the family, both kids semi self-reliant, almost debtless. Well, my wife stops taking birth control and tells me she is taking it, and I did ask, many times, she is now pregnant. Is she holding me back? Should I be angry? Am I being selfish? My wife has been given everything her entire life and has never worked hard for anything, when she makes a mess of something, someone else cleans it up. I always try to blame myself for everything because once you blame someone else, you make yourself a victim, and nothings ever your fault again. "I should have gotten the vasectomy" is what I said to myself, but she told me not to. I know that she does not want another child, but she forgot to re-up her birth control for a couple months. Here is the difficulty: I can be happy with her and my "3"! children, and I can still be successful and see the world, but that type of irresponsible behavior will persist if I just work harder to overcome roadblocks. I want to see the world, and I want my daughters to see the world and to know that America isn't everything there is to know, and my wife doesn't seem to want that. This might explain my situation, my wife wants to travel, but doesn't save money or make money to travel, and when she gets to where she wanted to go, its not to learn and enjoy the people and absorb the culture, but to go to a cool place, take pictures, and brag about it on Facebook. Someone tell me I am just being whiny, and if I didn't want another child, I shouldn't have relied on another.
Get a vasectomy and don't tell her. Simple and problem solved.
"My wife has been given everything her entire life and has never worked hard for anything, when she makes a mess of something, someone else cleans it up."
Just wondering, OP: how long have you known this about her? 10 years? Or is this something that came to light after you were married?
Interesting. In your OP, you say all of the following:
"Well, my wife stops taking birth control and tells me she is taking it, and I did ask, many times, she is now pregnant."
"My wife has been given everything her entire life and has never worked hard for anything, when she makes a mess of something, someone else cleans it up."
"that type of irresponsible behavior will persist if I just work harder to overcome roadblocks."
"I want to see the world, and I want my daughters to see the world and to know that America isn't everything there is to know, and my wife doesn't seem to want that."
"my wife wants to travel, but doesn't save money or make money to travel, and when she gets to where she wanted to go, its not to learn and enjoy the people and absorb the culture, but to go to a cool place, take pictures, and brag about it on Facebook."
You went pretty far out of your way to portray her as willfully deceptive, spoiled and self-entitled, irresponsible, willfully ignorant and utterly shallow. Sounds like great mom material.
I find these things about her personally disdainful but I don't think that puts her below me, she is a human being. And i guess great mom is a subjective phrase, she does everything a mother is supposed to do for their children and more and I know she loves them dearly. The other things I mentioned, the entitlement, irresponsibility, etc., yes, thats all true, her mom and sister both say it and I usually defend her strongly to them, but her mom is the one that made that behavior in the first place, and I allowed this stuff to go on, knowing I didnt care for it.
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