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47 huh? Frick her, I'd go on a bang spree with some 20 somethings for awhile and not be so nice next time you think you found a keeper.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Chadd1014
Exactly, never get overly excited and start placing them on a pedestal. Even they don't like it, game over. tilt-tilt
Believe me, I know... I had been hangin' and bangin' for quite some time after I caught the girl who I was with for 8 years and was living with me spending the night at another guy's house when she told me she was at her girlfriend's place. I had a titanium wall up around me for a lonnnnnnng time!! Met a lot of women over the years and this one really seemed to have her stuff together, was the sister of a friend of mine, and everything clicked the right way so I let the wall down and I got it shoved right up my rear end...
I had a similar thing happen to me once, and this was after a year. Just a blind side, pull the rug out from under my feet type of deal with really not much of an explanation. There were meddling family members on her part also, so it may be just for that reason. It's tough to get over when you think you've found a good one and they pull that, but I would also stay positive and one even better than her will come along.
Believe me, I know... I had been hangin' and bangin' for quite some time after I caught the girl who I was with for 8 years and was living with me spending the night at another guy's house when she told me she was at her girlfriend's place. I had a titanium wall up around me for a lonnnnnnng time!! Met a lot of women over the years and this one really seemed to have her stuff together, was the sister of a friend of mine, and everything clicked the right way so I let the wall down and I got it shoved right up my rear end...
I sincerely hope you are not blaming the woman (or women in general) for any of this. She was completely above board in how she ended it. People can't help how they feel. She was kind and mature enough to not lead you on further than necessary.
I sincerely hope you are not blaming the woman (or women in general) for any of this. She was completely above board in how she ended it. People can't help how they feel. She was kind and mature enough to not lead you on further than necessary.
No, I'm not an idiot... I absolutely agree with what you said and if anything, I maybe should have taken things more slowly and cautiously but everything felt right so I just went with the flow along with her as she was just as willing and eager about everything right up until she unexpectedly and abruptly dropped the bomb. It just absolutely sucks for me and I'm not ashamed to admit that I'm still stinging a bit from it all. And I'll also admit that one of the hardest things to have to face is that there's no consolation prize...no anything to help make me feel better...just deal with the hurt, somehow pick up the pieces, heal without harboring anything bad for any possibilities with someone else in the future, and move on.
You stated that her sister had stated that her family may have had something to do with it? That she had been getting “hounded†from the family that she ..
1. Had been in a crappy 10 year relationship
2. NOT TO MESS IT UP with this great guy!!
I am not an MFT however I feel that your ex girl puts a lot of weight on what her family thinks and states to her..
Perhaps to be reminded of the bad relationship she had endured for 10 years before making a clean break? Coupled with the “pressure†that her family was placing on her? To not “mess it with you†was too much pressure for her.
It may have nothing to do with you, it may have all to do with her.
‘You stated that she has been avidly dating but not in a serious monogamous relationship since the 10 year doozy..
She perhaps is doubting herself and wondering if it would work, would she end up screwing this up to? Hurting you or getting hurt herself?
I know you stated that she shared a little of her failed 10 year relationship however maybe she did not share everything? Like perhaps any guilt or self blame for something that was out of her control? And is thinking could happen again?
I do not know her nor you, I am merely speculating and stating that I am sorry this happened to you..
You stated that her sister had stated that her family may have had something to do with it? That she had been getting “hounded†from the family that she ..
1. Had been in a crappy 10 year relationship
2. NOT TO MESS IT UP with this great guy!!
I am not an MFT however I feel that your ex girl puts a lot of weight on what her family thinks and states to her..
Perhaps to be reminded of the bad relationship she had endured for 10 years before making a clean break? Coupled with the “pressure†that her family was placing on her? To not “mess it with you†was too much pressure for her.
It may have nothing to do with you, it may have all to do with her.
‘You stated that she has been avidly dating but not in a serious monogamous relationship since the 10 year doozy..
She perhaps is doubting herself and wondering if it would work, would she end up screwing this up to? Hurting you or getting hurt herself?
I know you stated that she shared a little of her failed 10 year relationship however maybe she did not share everything? Like perhaps any guilt or self blame for something that was out of her control? And is thinking could happen again?
I do not know her nor you, I am merely speculating and stating that I am sorry this happened to you..
Thanks for your response dr74. Speculation is about all anybody really has. There's only one person who knows the truthful reason why this happened. That person is her, and I know I'll never find out what that truth is.
IMO you let things go way too fast, way too soon. A first date should not be 4 days, nor should you be talking with someone every single night after a first date. An hour apart is not far, I commute an hour each way just to work and back. IMO when things start out too fast, they tend to flame out fast. Next time lead, set up dates, real dates, and have enough of a life that you can't speak to someone every waking moment nor spend 4 days at a time, at least in the beginning. I think there was no mystery, no anticipation, no build up to a long-lasting relationship. That "dance" we do in the beginning, "does he like me, will he call" helps build attraction and feelings. When it's just dumped in your lap all at once, it's too much and it kills attraction.
IMO you let things go way too fast, way too soon. A first date should not be 4 days, nor should you be talking with someone every single night after a first date. An hour apart is not far, I commute an hour each way just to work and back. IMO when things start out too fast, they tend to flame out fast. Next time lead, set up dates, real dates, and have enough of a life that you can't speak to someone every waking moment nor spend 4 days at a time, at least in the beginning. I think there was no mystery, no anticipation, no build up to a long-lasting relationship. That "dance" we do in the beginning, "does he like me, will he call" helps build attraction and feelings. When it's just dumped in your lap all at once, it's too much and it kills attraction.
You know, this is true. Good advice from my smart mother: The hotter the fire, the faster it burns out.
As for why she seemed so happy to be with you face to face, then seemed to cool off when you were apart--I sort of get that too. I have been dating this guy and when we are together (not often, he lives far away) he is a ton of fun to be with and we have a great time! But when we are apart, I am just meh about him. It is not his fault, it is not my fault, and I can't explain it. There is just nothing there and our friendship will never go further. He knows this and he dates other women. But we still enjoy getting together for dates when we can.
It is just the nature of our chemistry.
IMO you let things go way too fast, way too soon. A first date should not be 4 days, nor should you be talking with someone every single night after a first date. An hour apart is not far, I commute an hour each way just to work and back. IMO when things start out too fast, they tend to flame out fast. Next time lead, set up dates, real dates, and have enough of a life that you can't speak to someone every waking moment nor spend 4 days at a time, at least in the beginning. I think there was no mystery, no anticipation, no build up to a long-lasting relationship. That "dance" we do in the beginning, "does he like me, will he call" helps build attraction and feelings. When it's just dumped in your lap all at once, it's too much and it kills attraction.
Very fair assessment and very possibly part of why it happened. I usually don't go anywhere nearly that quickly but I did on this one...and maybe it contributed to the demise of it all. Thanks for your input!!
Maybe she's just damaged goods, but you couldn't tell. Just about the same thing happened to me a couple years ago. A couple friends hooked us up. We both really liked each other. It went pretty well the first few months and out of nowhere, she said it wasn't going to work.
She had a record of dating real jerks her entire life. She always told me that she wanted a nice guy who was going to treat her well and that's definitely who I am. Her family also wanted to try to help her get into a loving relationship. Turns out a couple months later she started dating this jerk that beat the crap out of her.
Apparently that's what she likes. Maybe the woman in your story has the same issue.
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