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I guess I don't understand the question. You saw each other three times in four months, yet you only lived an hour away. Granted, they were weekenders, so they were long dates, but still. I would think if you two were that into each other, you both would have made more of an effort. When my SO and I started dating, we saw each other more often than that and we were 250 miles apart.
Not chastising. Just trying to understand how you got to be so vested in a relationship that a) wasn't that long and b) didn't involve a lot of together time for such a short travel distance.
At any rate, it sucks that it ended, but trying to analyze it isn't going to fix it. Also, while I can only speak for myself, if I end things with a man and he tells me that I "closed the door" on him "too quickly," it would irritate me. At my age (which is nearly your age), I know myself well enough to know my own head and heart and I will be the judge of that, thank you very much. And I totally would not have been cool with someone I dated talking to my siblings about me. Granted, my siblings would probably say, "That's between you two. You're in your 40s. You figure it out." We're blunt that way.
Don't misunderstand. I'm not trying to be harsh here. Just that your wound is still fresh, and from what you've written here and the way things unfolded, chances are decent that in a month or so you might very well be scratching your head and saying, "What was I thinking?"
One thing I've found to be true: Relationships tend to end as quickly as they begin. Those that start with a flash-bang often end with the same.
Well both of us wanted to see each other more often. We both even expressed that to each other but for whatever reasons, it just didn't pan out that way. Maybe it was also a detriment to things...don't know for sure and never will.
As for how I got so vested so quickly, I may not have the perfect answer, but all I can say is that everything clicked so perfectly between us and being that that hadn't happened is such a long time for me that I probably did allow my feelings to go too quickly and completely unreigned.
If I irritated her with stating my belief on closing the door too quickly...oh well...it was only my opinion and if she can't understand that then so be it.
I respect your opinion. I tried to put myself into the situation of if my brother did the same thing to a girl who I knew was a great girl. First, I wouldn't patronize my brother and would tell him what I really thought of the situation. For what I knew, if I thought he just did an idiotic thing based off of how he acted towards the girl just three days ago then I'd tell him. If the girl was a total mess over the abrupt dumping and came to me, I'm a fairly compassionate person and although I would tell her that I don't want to get in the middle of anything, I wouldn't be pissed at her for reaching out to me. I would give her my honest assessment and opinions, and probably would even throw her a small bone of advice if I had one that wouldn't be hanging my brother out to dry or be breaching the "blood is thicker than water" privacy shared amongst family members. If she was "all that and a bag of chips", and got what I thought was a cold, raw deal from my brother, I'd listen to her, say a little something to help ease her pain and tell her the rest is up to her.
Yup, probably started too quickly, moved too quickly feelings-wise, and unfortunately, ended too quickly in my opinion...
Sorry to hear about the pain you must feel inside right now..
Sounds like she blindsided you for a few reasons, and all reasons being possible, I think highly it's likely that she (I hope I'm not being too blunt here) probably rebounded, saw potential in you, and who knows what, she could still be seeing the ex as he's stringing her along for his own convenience.
There could also be a possibility that perhaps she felt the sexual chemistry was not quite as what she expected? Sometimes when people build up sexual fantasies that don't quite match what's expected IR, they feel.. indifferent.
Not your fault at all. I hope you stop beating yourself up, saying what you could or could not have done. Regardless if you had done x, y, z differently, she's going to feel what she's going to feel, and at least she was not down right crazy enough to string you along or pretend to be someone who she's not in order to just keep you in her life for her own convenience. She was straightforward and honest, and sometimes, as much as love hurts, no matter how much effort you put in or try to play the game right, people all have their own issues they're working on, and maybe you didn't quite fit the pieces of the puzzle in her own life she's trying to resolve for herself. And, maybe she fits in the missing pieces that you're also working on too?
Sometimes situations are totally out of your own control, and it doesn't make you a loser or a reject, but an unfortunate bystander to how effed up and twisted life can be. Surrender to the lack of control, and rest assure, in the long-run, you're luckier finding out now than later.
Sorry to hear about the pain you must feel inside right now..
Sounds like she blindsided you for a few reasons, and all reasons being possible, I think highly it's likely that she (I hope I'm not being too blunt here) probably rebounded, saw potential in you, and who knows what, she could still be seeing the ex as he's stringing her along for his own convenience.
There could also be a possibility that perhaps she felt the sexual chemistry was not quite as what she expected? Sometimes when people build up sexual fantasies that don't quite match what's expected IR, they feel.. indifferent.
Not your fault at all. I hope you stop beating yourself up, saying what you could or could not have done. Regardless if you had done x, y, z differently, she's going to feel what she's going to feel, and at least she was not down right crazy enough to string you along or pretend to be someone who she's not in order to just keep you in her life for her own convenience. She was straightforward and honest, and sometimes, as much as love hurts, no matter how much effort you put in or try to play the game right, people all have their own issues they're working on, and maybe you didn't quite fit the pieces of the puzzle in her own life she's trying to resolve for herself. And, maybe she fits in the missing pieces that you're also working on too?
Sometimes situations are totally out of your own control, and it doesn't make you a loser or a reject, but an unfortunate bystander to how effed up and twisted life can be. Surrender to the lack of control, and rest assure, in the long-run, you're luckier finding out now than later.
Break-ups suck, period.
Well if the sexual chemistry wasn't there for her, once again, I had no clue as to that and that's sure not what she showed and conveyed to me. The sex, which was pretty evenly initiated by both of us was pretty awesome and we did say that to each other too.
I'm not really beating myself up and I know that thinking about everything will eventually subside and I'll be able to go back out and try to find someone else.
Yeah dude. Next time definitely don't put all of your eggs in one basket. You should be talking to a bunch of different girls so as to not become too invested in just one.
It requires a lot of self-discipline, especially if she seems awesome. But it's necessary.
I was crushed and dying to know why this happened. I ended up talking with one of her sisters. I told her sister the reasons she gave me for ending things but that there had to be more.
Why do people do this? The woman doesn't want anything to do with you so you bother her family? Do you really think that behavior will win her back?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ascension2012
Yes, nice guys always do finish last. And while Im younger and presumably less experienced than you, I realized a long time ago that the one and only way for a man to be happy in a relationship, is to be able to walk away from it at a drop of a dime.
And if you meet someone you can't walk away from? Will you be unhappy?
Why do people do this? The woman doesn't want anything to do with you so you bother her family? Do you really think that behavior will win her back?
And if you meet someone you can't walk away from? Will you be unhappy?
Her sister reached out to me with a phone call out of respect and compassion for me. I didn't bother her. I would have done the same if I was in her position and I had a lot of respect for and liked the person one of my family members blind-sided and dumped out of nowhere, but that's just me.
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