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[quote=JrzDefector;27766115]I'm not married, so I'm probably not the person to advise on this, but I suspect that all marriages have these boring patches.
What is the likelihood that his hours will reduce in terms of work? In maybe 2 months max his hour may reduce to 40 hours a week tops He's not around much it seems like, and that's going to create distance between him and you and him and the kids. What are the odds of him working from home for part of the week or of you taking on a part-time job that will ease a little of the burden off of him? His line of work cannot be done from home. I work full time from home making a full time income so I am not sure why I need to get a part time job outside of that???
OMG... no wonder. BC overrated? OMG...that was one best friend you should not have neglected. OMG
And why wait to get your tubes tied? And what age is that? You have 3 kids, your life isn't typical for a 22 year old... go get them tied yesterday before your you have your 4th kid after your BF has moved on to the next.
In my area that age happens to be 24. Trust if it was something that could of been done sooner I would have had it done at 18.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruth4Truth
Vacations! Now there's a concept. In all the years you've been with your guy, OP, have you taken vacations together? It doesn't sound like it. Hire a babysitter, or farm the kids out to your or his parents for a week. You two need and deserve that, for all your hard work.
No we have not. I recently talked to him about fitting this in. Hopefully this takes away some of the stress.
Quote:
Originally Posted by gabetx
You guys could still make it work. I am 22 years old and my fiance is 21. We have a five year old, and my fiance is due next month with our second. Our first was born when she was a sophmore in high school. I was a senior. We have beat the odds and been together for six years.
We are a happy couple. I have a career that I love and work four 10's with three days off a week. My fiance is going to school full time online, and gets paid decently for it. After she finishes school, we are going to get married. She will then get the job she has always wanted and make decent money. Once she gets her job, I will go to school part time, and eventually, obtain my bachelors. I already have my career, so there is no rush. I just would like the degree for future advancements and for post retirement opportunities. I'll be eligible to retire at 41, and have an opportunity to start a new career. Or, I can stay at my job if I'd like.
One big secret is trust. We never stress over each other and we don't secretly go through each others crap. There's no need for it. We don't question one another, and encourage each other to "hang out" with friends at least a few times a month. We hardly argue and never fight. I've learned to let her be right, even if shes not. 99% of the time, its over little things that don't matter. So whats the point in arguing?
Sometimes we go out together, sometimes we go out seperately, and sometimes we go out with friends together. We take quite a few small vacations and money is almost never an issue. I get quite a bit of vacation, sick, and personal leave. We are close with our families and enjoy being around each others company. It sounds like your man might need a change in his field of work. Six 12's sounds a bit ridiculous.
Here are ten key points from all of this:
1. Trust, trust, trust
2. Enjoy each other, and the kids. Do things together and as a family
3. Spend a little time away from your SO every now and again. Have fun with friends
4. Eliminate arguing/fighting
5. Enjoy what you do for a living. You dont want to have a miserable job. You will just take the bad attitude home
6. Get away from town... take a vacation
7. Enjoy and appreciate each others family
8. Be goofy and positive at home. When we are home together, I always make her and my child laugh. Laughter is a big stress release. Taking everything serious just builds stress up. Eventually, it takes a toll.
9. Spoil each other with surprises sometimes
10. Be intimate. Not only sexually. But tell your SO you love them. Kiss them when they don't expect one. Tickle just for s*hits and giggles. This goes with #2. Enjoy eachother
I wish you luck. Don't let the other comments deter you. Age is nothing but a number. Prove the world wrong and beat the stereotype of a typical young relationship and having been a teenage parent. Re-evaluate your relationship, do some soul searching, and determine what you need to change about yourself, and what he needs to change about himself. If not, it'll cost yall your relationship.
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I am glad things are working out with you guys. However, I wonder how things will be after baby #2 comes into the picture? We were fine until baby #2. But, I do thank you for the inspiration that there is hope.
Hmm. I think the question is more of what haven't we tried. We have an okay sex life not like the beginning but passable. (bondage, role playing, ect..). Since having kids we don't get to go out much together (we go out separately). We work out together, we do things around the house together (interior design and trying new recipes)
Background
I am a work at home mom and full time student. He works 6 days a week 12 hours a day.
Maybe this should have been considered before having so many kids? It really sounds like he is tired from work.
All that said, I just wanted to congratulate you on going to school. When will you be done with that? I was suppose to graduate May 2013 Do you have the option to cut back on class hours, and push back the graduation date?The way things are going I am seriously considering taking some time off from school.
Is graduation only 4 months away? I would not give it up if you're that close. You've worked long and hard and made sacrifices to achieve this so I wouldn't throw it all away over the sake of a few months.
It sounds as if a few things are changing...in 4 months you'll be finished school, in a couple of months, your SO will be changing to a 40 hour workweek. Those two events alone will change the dynamic of your relationship and your family in a positive way. You'll see each other more, the kids will see him more, and you'll actually have some time to devote to just the two of you, time that really isn't available now.
I would talk with him and focus on all the positive changes coming in the next few months. Just talking about the future can give you hope and fuel you to keep going. The fact that you say you are both in love but it's just different now, gives me more hope for your situation. If you have the love but just not the quality time, take tiny steps to make whatever time you can for each other now, knowing that this sacrifice in the next few months will be worth it in the long run.
Is graduation only 4 months away? I would not give it up if you're that close. You've worked long and hard and made sacrifices to achieve this so I wouldn't throw it all away over the sake of a few months.
It sounds as if a few things are changing...in 4 months you'll be finished school, in a couple of months, your SO will be changing to a 40 hour workweek. Those two events alone will change the dynamic of your relationship and your family in a positive way. You'll see each other more, the kids will see him more, and you'll actually have some time to devote to just the two of you, time that really isn't available now.
I would talk with him and focus on all the positive changes coming in the next few months. Just talking about the future can give you hope and fuel you to keep going. The fact that you say you are both in love but it's just different now, gives me more hope for your situation. If you have the love but just not the quality time, take tiny steps to make whatever time you can for each other now, knowing that this sacrifice in the next few months will be worth it in the long run.
Yes, graduation is close. However, after that I need to go to law school so I can secure the career I want. But, I can put going back to school of until age 25 so I can give the boys some time to get older.
I like the vacation idea that was mentioned here. So, for his birthday (2 weeks away) I am going to tell him to find a sitter for the weekend because I have a surprise. The surprise is going to be me renting out one of the five star resorts in a nearby city with the spa package. I hope he enjoys this. Wish me luck
As far as talking to him about the problems I fear our relationship is facing I am unsure how to bring it up. I am debating about writing a letter so everything can be clear the first go around. What would be your thoughts on this?
"Honey, I feel like we're growing apart because we don't spend much time together, and we both work excessive hours. I need some time off, and I'd like to talk about having more togetherness time" wouldn't work?
Ok, I'm a traditionalist, and for good reason. A marriage represents a lifetime commitment. It is really the only foundation upon which to build a long-lasting relationship. You can't have love without commitment, it simply won't happen. Until OP and her BD make that commitment to each other, their relationship will never be achieve stability and there's very little hope for longevity.
Yes, graduation is close. However, after that I need to go to law school so I can secure the career I want. But, I can put going back to school of until age 25 so I can give the boys some time to get older.
I like the vacation idea that was mentioned here. So, for his birthday (2 weeks away) I am going to tell him to find a sitter for the weekend because I have a surprise. The surprise is going to be me renting out one of the five star resorts in a nearby city with the spa package. I hope he enjoys this. Wish me luck
As far as talking to him about the problems I fear our relationship is facing I am unsure how to bring it up. I am debating about writing a letter so everything can be clear the first go around. What would be your thoughts on this?
That makes perfect sense, graduate in May, and then wait a couple of years to go to law school, which by the way is an admirable accomplishment! I worked as a law clerk for 10 years and have seen what the up-and coming-lawyers have to go through, so I would definitely recommend taking a few years off before pursuing law school and then articling. Your children are only young once, so you need to enjoy a few years with them before taking on this next educational and career challenge. Once they're school age, it makes things simpler.
I agree with what Ruth said:
Quote:
"Honey, I feel like we're growing apart because we don't spend much time together, and we both work excessive hours. I need some time off, and I'd like to talk about having more togetherness time" wouldn't work?
I don't think it needs to be much more than that, nor an entire letter. Unless there is more to the story, there isn't anything wrong in your relationship, other than situational, and it really is a matter of just prioritizing and taking time to reconnect because your other responsibilities take up so much of your time. Do you have more fears than just feeling like you're drifting apart because you're both overwhelmed right now?
I think it's a wonderful idea to celebrate his birthday with a weekend away! Time uninterrupted, the chance to sleep in, be pampered, just be the two of you instead of parents, that should do wonders for you. I know you're young and overwhelmed, but these are the sorts of things we all need to do in our relationships, no matter what age, stage.
I don't think it needs to be much more than that, nor an entire letter. Unless there is more to the story, there isn't anything wrong in your relationship, other than situational,
I'm wondering if there's more to the story, too. For example, her "BD" goes out whenever he wants, several times/week if I understood correctly, taking for granted that the OP will stay home with the kids. Staying home with the kids so the OP can get a breather doesn't cross his mind. Also, he seems to assume the housework is mainly the OP's job. He's allowed to beg off, saying he's tired, while the OP doesn't have that option. I'd say there's more to the picture than just two overworked parents. Also, I wonder if the OP's reticence in discussing how she feels has something to do with her partner's temperament, or possible lack of emotional IQ. Maybe not. Just wondering.
OP, re: law school--be aware that you won't be able to work full time while going to law school. Law school will have to be your top priority. By then, the kids will be in school and hopefully the youngest will be in nursery school. Still, it will be challenging, but doable.
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In all the years you've been with your guy, OP, have you taken vacations together? It doesn't sound like it. Hire a babysitter, or farm the kids out to your or his parents for a week. You two need and deserve that, for all your hard work.
