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I don't think I will ever cheat. I'm 46 and never have.
But why do I think that? Because I guard against it. If I feel any type of draw or attraction I remove myself from the situation. Also, I realize "the grass is always greener" is bull****e. You may be unhappy with your spouse at the moment - but trading the "evil" I know, for that I don't has no appeal to me.
If I am genuinely that unhappy I would break up. Heck, I've never even broken up with anyone to go out with someone else.
I can't get my jolly's while knowing I would cause so much damage to another person.
I know there are always exceptions to the rule - I just haven't personally run across them, though I know others have.
B. If a person claims "I will never cheat". that is becasue convincing oneself is must more important than convincing others. By saying, "I will never cheat" has two purposes.
1. opposite sex will find this person to be trustworthy. 2. the person will feel empowered about him or herself.
Yep, that's one of the big reasons I do it. Not sure if you're saying it's a bad reason or a wrong reason, or an invalid one, or what? I think people should spend more time and energy empowering themselves. Be a person who owns their decisions and exerts a little control over life instead of saying stuff just "happens."
Because ultimately, it doesn't matter how epic your excuses are. I could throw away my life and jack everything all up, and still be able to convince anyone I talk to that not one bit was my fault, and yet I'd still be in a crappy situation. So why would I want to do that? My Mom lives that way, and I don't get it. Being empowered seems an awful lot better, to me.
I agree with the OP. I have never cheated, and hope I never will. To me, it is not only moral vanity to assert "I will never cheat" but it is also a bit foolhardy. Knowing one's fallibility helps you avoid temptation should it arise.
An overwhelming majority of people walk down the aisle believing that they will never, ever, ever cheat. But, research shows that roughly half of all men and women alike cheat during their marriages. Of course, we'll never have a precise figure, but that number tends to show up again and again.
Why? Boredom could be a reason. Or it could be that the marriage has become so emotionally barren that, after a few years, one or both partners seek relief outside the relationship. Or one person has been on an extended business trip with a colleague, they have drinks at the bar to blow off steam, and one thing leads to another. Or one partner is abusive to the other. Or the other partner cheated so the person decides to get revenge. The reasons are as numerous as the affairs themselves.
Heck, I was out of the country a couple of years back on a shoot. When the shoot wrapped, we had the crew down at a bar for cocktails. While the hooch was flowing, we ran into a party of cosmetic saleswomen from Australia in town for a sales conference. They were pulled into our orbit and we all were having a great time shooting the breeze and partying. We all loved their Australian accents and they loved our Southern ones. However, one of them was getting perhaps a bit too frisky with me. Hey, she was attractive and the chemistry was great. But this little alarm was going off in my head, "Warning! Warning! Dive! Dive!" So I began to excuse myself, calling it a night.
She looked nonplussed. "Why, where are you going?"
"Back to the hotel." She paused for a second.
"Which hotel?" It was now my turn to pause.
"I'm not going to tell you. I'm sorry. Good night."
It would have been way too easy. I would have never seen this woman again, and I knew it. But if I had been really looped, or trusted too much in my own judgment, who knows? So, to me, those who say, "Why, I'd never cheat" are kind of like people who say, "Why, I'd never steal." Sure, when you are financially comfortable and knowing where your next meal is coming from, you wouldn't consider it. But lots of otherwise honest citizens have found themselves desperately looting grocery stores after a natural disaster has cut off their supply of food. Suddenly those highfalutin' ideals get tossed out the window when the wrong set of circumstances come along.
Yep, that's one of the big reasons I do it. Not sure if you're saying it's a bad reason or a wrong reason, or an invalid one, or what? I think people should spend more time and energy empowering themselves. Be a person who owns their decisions and exerts a little control over life instead of saying stuff just "happens."
Because ultimately, it doesn't matter how epic your excuses are. I could throw away my life and jack everything all up, and still be able to convince anyone I talk to that not one bit was my fault, and yet I'd still be in a crappy situation. So why would I want to do that? My Mom lives that way, and I don't get it. Being empowered seems an awful lot better, to me.
Oh I agree with you.
I used to think exactly like you do. but when my boyfriend (a dogooder) went on a date just because his mother said he should have, I have lost some confidence toward humans in general.
and vice versa, when I found out his misbehave, and I thought about cheating on him for revenge, I lost a bit of confidence of my own emotional well being too.
So now, I am inclined to believe everybody is capable of cheating, we just need to avoid those situations.
When my best friend went through a divorce, his initial reaction was, "I hope to get all her money!" He would never do that because he is a very decent man, but he thought about it.
When his ex wife behaved like an inconsiderate, self-rightous person with an astonishing sense of entitlement, he told us, "I so want to cheat." he said it, but he never did it.
We are all capable of cheating due to different reasons, but some of us will act on it, some won't. It is important to not judge anybody.
Everyone is capable of being in the NBA as well. Some people are more prone to it than others though. That tall guy who handles the ball real well? He'll do.
That midget? Only in a post-apocalyptic world where people were destroyed based on their height, yet society still values professional basketball enough to have an NBA.
Everyone is certainly capable of cheating, but most people (aside from mentally instable people) are equipped with functional brains and the freedom to make the choice not to cheat.
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