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Old 01-19-2013, 10:19 AM
 
Location: Newport Beach, California
31,385 posts, read 18,420,530 times
Reputation: 12142

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Again, please do not say "Not all relationships are like that" I KNOW THAT

I am only saying one interesting thing i have noticed from people around me (and their relatives and friends) is that many (not all of course) long term relationship (without marriage license) last longer than actual marriage.

Is it because when people are getting married, they grow apart from each other, they get too comfortable with each other and their true characters come out? or they simply get tired of each other.

One friend told me that the reason long term relationship without marriage license can last is because both parties can still have their own separate lives. They live in different houses, have free time hanging out with their own friends. No inlaw conflicts or dramas.

Even for single parents who date each other but choose not to get married, there will be no baby mama papa drama because each parent deals with his or her own children.

What is your thought on this?
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Old 01-19-2013, 10:22 AM
 
634 posts, read 576,455 times
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Have you noticed that many couples who do not get married actually last longer than married couples

Yeah I have noticed that phenom on celebs. They have been living together for like forever, got married then BAM! they divorced. LOL, WTF was that?
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Old 01-19-2013, 10:24 AM
 
Location: Newport Beach, California
31,385 posts, read 18,420,530 times
Reputation: 12142
LOL have absolutely no ideas.
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Old 01-19-2013, 10:34 AM
 
1,638 posts, read 2,470,299 times
Reputation: 2693
Quote:
Originally Posted by lilyflower3191981 View Post
Again, please do not say "Not all relationships are like that" I KNOW THAT

I am only saying one interesting thing i have noticed from people around me (and their relatives and friends) is that many (not all of course) long term relationship (without marriage license) last longer than actual marriage.

Is it because when people are getting married, they grow apart from each other, they get too comfortable with each other and their true characters come out? or they simply get tired of each other.

One friend told me that the reason long term relationship without marriage license can last is because both parties can still have their own separate lives. They live in different houses, have free time hanging out with their own friends. No inlaw conflicts or dramas.

Even for single parents who date each other but choose not to get married, there will be no baby mama papa drama because each parent deals with his or her own children.

What is your thought on this?

I'm definitely not going to agree that there is any sort of 100% causation relationship here because it's just too difficult to pin down. It could be the demographics of where you live, the ages of these people, their religion, their views on money, sex, the weather, politics, anything that causes them to be together longer or shorter than other married people.

However, I think a lot of it DOES have to do with independence. There is nothing wrong with relying on your partner/spouse, however I think many folks who do "tie the knot" get in the mindset that they can no longer have their own lives. I don't mean they should run around all sorts of out of line, but still maintaining their own healthy friendships and hobbies, whether or not they be apart from their spouse. Also, combining finances isn't the best for every couple, married or not. I think a lot of people need to confront that earlier on in the relationship and not wait for marriage. It's a biggie for a lot of divorces, which is too bad. It can be talked about so early on.
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Old 01-19-2013, 10:41 AM
 
11,387 posts, read 12,653,102 times
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"Sure, I will live with you cause I can always leave."

"Marriage is a commitment and there for I will be trapped!!"
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Old 01-19-2013, 10:45 AM
 
Location: The Hall of Justice
25,907 posts, read 34,966,446 times
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Sure, everybody knows some couples who have been together for years without marrying. When you mix in the rest, though--the couples who date and break up--then you get a better idea of the norm for unmarried couples.
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Old 01-19-2013, 10:45 AM
 
Location: Newport Beach, California
31,385 posts, read 18,420,530 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lmw36 View Post
However, I think a lot of it DOES have to do with independence. There is nothing wrong with relying on your partner/spouse, however I think many folks who do "tie the knot" get in the mindset that they can no longer have their own lives. I don't mean they should run around all sorts of out of line, but still maintaining their own healthy friendships and hobbies, whether or not they be apart from their spouse. Also, combining finances isn't the best for every couple, married or not. I think a lot of people need to confront that earlier on in the relationship and not wait for marriage. It's a biggie for a lot of divorces, which is too bad. It can be talked about so early on.

I agree with you.
The couples I was talking about are very devoted people. They love each other, but they just cannot live together as a married couple.

For example, My guyfriend Eddie is messy, and my girlfriend Jen is neat. They both have children. They figured the ONLY ways they can continue their relationship is by living separate lives. It works out fabulous for them. They both told me if they were to get married, divorce is unavoidable. They have been together for seven years.

finance is another problem for them. They are both professionals who make mid six figure income. But each person has two children. They don't want their relationships to get all messed up because of money if they are going to divorce someday.

I guess this kind of thing has to be talked about early on in the relationship, so there is no ugly surprises.

My older brother wanted a child of his own, when he married my sister in law, he thought all married women would want children. But little did he know, my sister in law never wanted a child. This created tremendous issues in their relationship.
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Old 01-19-2013, 10:49 AM
 
1,638 posts, read 2,470,299 times
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I also know an older couple who have been together 15 years, both came from previous marriages. Own a gorgeous home together, both make over six figures. Raise their boys together as a couple completely. They both don't want to do the "marriage" thing again.

She legally changed her last name to his and wears a ring to symbolize their commitment. The only way they aren't "married" is the piece of paper and it seems to work fabulous for them. He does introduce her as "my wife" to not confuse people or to avoid questions. I think it's great!
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Old 01-19-2013, 10:52 AM
 
Location: Newport Beach, California
31,385 posts, read 18,420,530 times
Reputation: 12142
Quote:
Originally Posted by lmw36 View Post
I also know an older couple who have been together 15 years, both came from previous marriages. Own a gorgeous home together, both make over six figures. Raise their boys together as a couple completely. They both don't want to do the "marriage" thing again.

She legally changed her last name to his and wears a ring to symbolize their commitment. The only way they aren't "married" is the piece of paper and it seems to work fabulous for them. He does introduce her as "my wife" to not confuse people or to avoid questions. I think it's great!
This does sound great. They are certainly very smart people who know what is the best for them.
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Old 01-19-2013, 10:55 AM
 
17,196 posts, read 14,805,597 times
Reputation: 32758
Quote:
Originally Posted by lilyflower3191981 View Post
Again, please do not say "Not all relationships are like that" I KNOW THAT

I am only saying one interesting thing i have noticed from people around me (and their relatives and friends) is that many (not all of course) long term relationship (without marriage license) last longer than actual marriage.

Is it because when people are getting married, they grow apart from each other, they get too comfortable with each other and their true characters come out? or they simply get tired of each other.

One friend told me that the reason long term relationship without marriage license can last is because both parties can still have their own separate lives. They live in different houses, have free time hanging out with their own friends. No inlaw conflicts or dramas.

Even for single parents who date each other but choose not to get married, there will be no baby mama papa drama because each parent deals with his or her own children.

What is your thought on this?
Are you comparing couples who live together vs. getting married, or people who are in LTR's who choose to not live together?
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