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I wouldn't call it jealousy or even envy, but I do feel uncomfortable and somehow "lesser" when I'm surrounded by couples, hence the fact that I don't go out that much unless I have to, or unless it's very early in the morning or late at night. If I am surrounded by them, often the loneliness kicks in. I just don't feel part of anything as I did when I was married. I also keep contact with my family to a minimum as I am the only single member of our family.
I feel the least loneliness when I'm actually truly alone.
I think I could have written this comment. As much as I hate staying in on weekend nights alone when I live in such a great, lively neighborhood, it pains me so much more to walk around and see all the couples together, enjoying all the things I want to enjoy with someone. It's much easier to go home where I have no one to point out that I'm single, and I can curl up in my pjs and read or watch a movie.
i would absolutely hate being forced to spend all day with someone. i value my free time more than anything, and like to kick back and relax, do my own thing. going ice skating or shopping or something with a GF sounds like a chore to me. hell on earth.
I went to an open house today for a condo I'm interested in, but I'm not sure I can afford it on my own. When I was there, a cute couple was also checking it out and making plans for what they'd like to do with it and the parties they'd like to host. That really bothered me and made me a little jealous. That kind of thing is really hard. Of course, I don't know that that place was really large enough for two people. And if I had a SO, I couldn't decorate the way I want. That kind of thing keeps me going.
I was out and about yesterday, just enjoying my Saturday, but I must admit that I felt a little jealousy, watching all of the couples around me. I wanted to go ice skating, but when I arrived at the rink, it was filled with smiling couples, lovingly holding hands and skating.
I decided that it would be best to ice skate during the early morning hours, to avoid all of the couples, but it seems like wherever I go as a single, there are so many smiling couples!!
How do I get over being jealous of these strangers, who appear to be so happy and in love.
Are you kidding me! Hell no! Relationships in my life equal stress and anxiety for me always doing stuff I do not feel like doing and cater to someone else's needs.
Also, the minute I fight with someone the relationship is pretty much done anyway, and always remember that it is an appearance.
Lastly, I am pretty set in my ways. I do not want to share my bed or space with anyone right now my life. That might change, but I doubt it.
How do you get over with it. The best advice I say remember it is an appearance and behind the scenes it is not always rosy. But easier said than done.
Singles, when you're out and about, do you feel any level of jealousy while watching couples hold hands, etc?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mary20852
I was out and about yesterday, just enjoying my Saturday, but I must admit that I felt a little jealousy, watching all of the couples around me. I wanted to go ice skating, but when I arrived at the rink, it was filled with smiling couples, lovingly holding hands and skating.
I decided that it would be best to ice skate during the early morning hours, to avoid all of the couples, but it seems like wherever I go as a single, there are so many smiling couples!!
How do I get over being jealous of these strangers, who appear to be so happy and in love.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Philosophizer
If it's people I don't know, I don't care. It's a little uncomfortable/awkward being around couples I do know. Generally speaking, I hate being a third wheel.
Quote:
Originally Posted by TRosa
I had a moment during the holiday season. So over it. But it does make me smile when I see some couples holding hands. Not enviously, just looks sweet when some people do it.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Fiyero
Yup, I get very jealous. Can't even watch romance/couple scenes in movies/TV because it makes me feel bad.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Knight2009
Jealousy? No.
Feelings of sadness/longing when viewing things like that, in the past? Yes.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hombre
I wouldn't call it jealousy or even envy, but I do feel uncomfortable and somehow "lesser" when I'm surrounded by couples, hence the fact that I don't go out that much unless I have to, or unless it's very early in the morning or late at night. If I am surrounded by them, often the loneliness kicks in. I just don't feel part of anything as I did when I was married. I also keep contact with my family to a minimum as I am the only single member of our family.
I feel the least loneliness when I'm actually truly alone.
Quote:
Originally Posted by D. Scott
Only this used to bother me. Knew some guys who treated women awful, made them support them (2 Never worked, Played video games and drank beer all day) And were just...well...douches. Yet I was keeping up my appearance, working hard and although far from perfect was doing all the "upstanding" things I could as a man. I am not single now, And just couples together out in public never bothered me otherwise before.
are probably the very two things which motivate human beings, for better or for worse. I have read the replies and I can relate to many of the sentiments presented and foremost I commend everyone for sharing their feelings, not an easy thing to do some times.
When my husband first passed away it felt very much like being jilted...abandoned and it really was very painful for me emotionally, I think more so when my children and I had to attend various functions and their father was (obviously) not there; my greatest pain and sorrow was for them. And yes, it made me feel bad about myself and bad for my children, not good emotions to have when one is recovering from a spouse's death (could very well apply to being single or a breakup, a separation, or a divorce as well).
As they say, life goes on and although I am 95% past grieving for what was I am certainly much better at rejoicing when I see couples together and spending their time out in the public arena. I have hope that I will be in a loving relationship again someday and I believe that everyone should have faith in it happening for them as well...just my hopes for all of you.
I think I could have written this comment. As much as I hate staying in on weekend nights alone when I live in such a great, lively neighborhood, it pains me so much more to walk around and see all the couples together, enjoying all the things I want to enjoy with someone. It's much easier to go home where I have no one to point out that I'm single, and I can curl up in my pjs and read or watch a movie.
It actually took me several years to figure out that the loneliness I felt actually had nothing to do with being alone. I am completely fine with it when I'm actually alone, but as soon as I go out there and be among the minions, I always wind up with a mild depression, because (perhaps in my own warped view) it seems that most people I see out and about are couples.
I was married for six years and although it was a bad bad marriage, going out and mingling was generally easier, plus I had someone always around to do stuff with, so I really didn't need friends as such. Being a couple eased my anxiety a lot and I wasn't so self-conscious. Now I am back to dealing with those feelings again, even though I would never want to be in a bad relationship again just for those reasons.
It's just difficult, that's all. I'm not strong enough yet to just let it all slide and go about my business as if the feelings of inadequacy didn't exist. I hope that I will get to that point someday. It doesn't help that there's still a lot of stigma when it comes to being single and that most things are aimed at couples and families, even when it comes to the very summit of government which preaches "family values".
Singles, when you're out and about, do you feel any level of jealousy while watching couples hold hands, etc?
are probably the very two things which motivate human beings, for better or for worse. I have read the replies and I can relate to many of the sentiments presented and foremost I commend everyone for sharing their feelings, not an easy thing to do some times.
When my husband first passed away it felt very much like being jilted...abandoned and it really was very painful for me emotionally, I think more so when my children and I had to attend various functions and their father was (obviously) not there; my greatest pain and sorrow was for them. And yes, it made me feel bad about myself and bad for my children, not good emotions to have when one is recovering from a spouse's death (could very well apply to being single or a breakup, a separation, or a divorce as well).
As they say, life goes on and although I am 95% past grieving for what was I am certainly much better at rejoicing when I see couples together and spending their time out in the public arena. I have hope that I will be in a loving relationship again someday and I believe that everyone should have faith in it happening for them as well...just my hopes for all of you.
It actually took me several years to figure out that the loneliness I felt actually had nothing to do with being alone. I am completely fine with it when I'm actually alone, but as soon as I go out there and be among the minions, I always wind up with a mild depression, because (perhaps in my own warped view) it seems that most people I see out and about are couples.
I was married for six years and although it was a bad bad marriage, going out and mingling was generally easier, plus I had someone always around to do stuff with, so I really didn't need friends as such. Being a couple eased my anxiety a lot and I wasn't so self-conscious. Now I am back to dealing with those feelings again, even though I would never want to be in a bad relationship again just for those reasons.
It's just difficult, that's all. I'm not strong enough yet to just let it all slide and go about my business as if the feelings of inadequacy didn't exist. I hope that I will get to that point someday. It doesn't help that there's still a lot of stigma when it comes to being single and that most things are aimed at couples and families, even when it comes to the very summit of government which preaches "family values".
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Hope versus despair...
