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Old 01-21-2013, 02:53 PM
 
16 posts, read 27,230 times
Reputation: 28

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A friend recently told me that she wasn't sure what to do about an incident that happened last month to her. Apparently she was having sex with the guy she was dating, but asked him to stop because she no longer wanted to do it. She told him to stop, but he wouldn't. Afterwards he apologized, but they haven't spoken since that night.

My friend wants to press charges against him, but I'm not sure if the police will be able to arrest him without DNA evidence, also they will probably want to know why she waited so long. I have told her that she should go forward, but I know it will be rough, since he is an attorney. I imagine if he is found guilty he could be disbarred, so this is really serious.

If this happened to you, would you go forward?

 
Old 01-21-2013, 02:56 PM
 
Location: The Valley of the Sun
1,481 posts, read 2,145,976 times
Reputation: 1528
I dont think he raped her because she had already consented to having sex. He should have stopped when she asked him to though and just finished himself off.
 
Old 01-21-2013, 02:56 PM
 
Location: State of Transition
71,842 posts, read 63,086,925 times
Reputation: 67239
She should consult with an attorney to see if she would have a defensible case.

Last edited by Ruth4Truth; 01-21-2013 at 03:06 PM..
 
Old 01-21-2013, 03:00 PM
 
Location: Katonah, NY
21,199 posts, read 19,936,328 times
Reputation: 22091
They were already having sex when she asked him to stop... So I don't really think this qualifies as rape. But I'm not a lawyer.
 
Old 01-21-2013, 03:05 PM
 
12,933 posts, read 12,241,077 times
Reputation: 36934
Juries HAVE convicted guys of rape for not stopping when asked. Consenting to sex is not a binding contract, and any guy who tells you he "couldn't" stop is full of it.

She has a case. But proving it will be difficult, especially since he's an attorney and knows exactly how he has to answer any questions posed to him.
 
Old 01-21-2013, 03:09 PM
 
Location: Seattle
626 posts, read 1,076,362 times
Reputation: 801
She asked him to stop and he didn't, so now she wants to press charges? I feel like there is a huge missing piece here.
 
Old 01-21-2013, 03:15 PM
 
Location: Newport Beach, California
31,116 posts, read 18,126,331 times
Reputation: 12021
Quote:
Originally Posted by The Siobhan View Post
She asked him to stop and he didn't, so now she wants to press charges? I feel like there is a huge missing piece here.
"[T]he other way to help victims get justice in rape cases is to scrutinize the past and present behavior of the perpetrator as closely as they do the victim. How did the perpetrator act before, during and after the attack? How has the perpetrator acted toward sexual partners in the past? How is the perpetrator's lack of remorse, obsessive apologizing, stalking, blaming, shaming behaviors common for someone who has committed a rape? [...] Time to shift the focus and the responsibility from victims, to those who commit acts of sexual violence, so we learn the behaviors and cease to tolerate them."


she might have a case, but almost important to win. especially after one month.
 
Old 01-21-2013, 03:18 PM
 
28,906 posts, read 44,903,458 times
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Look, I totally believe in the 'No Means No' school of thought. But, in this situation, it would be so incredibly hard to prove that it boggles the imagination. Let's lay out the case.

1) Woman consents to sex.
2) Woman changes mind during sex.
3) Woman asks man to stop.
4) Woman waits weeks to notify the police.

Items #1, #2, and #3 are subject to very heavy scrutiny, for it's a situation where it is his word against her word. The fact that the encounter began as consensual doesn't help. I mean, this isn't a case where the guy was ripping off her clothes, right?

Item #4 is also tough, chiefly because it means that all evidence is gone. Without evidence, there is no case.

I wish your friend luck, and she has my sympathy. But unless you get the most sympathetic judge and jury possible there is no case here. All it would yield is misery for your friend. Suggest counseling instead.
 
Old 01-21-2013, 03:20 PM
 
Location: Chicago, IL
2,186 posts, read 2,344,944 times
Reputation: 1807
Quote:
Originally Posted by Julie1234 View Post
She told him to stop, but he wouldn't.
Yep, that's rape.
 
Old 01-21-2013, 03:22 PM
 
Location: Chicago, IL
2,186 posts, read 2,344,944 times
Reputation: 1807
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dewdrop93 View Post
They were already having sex when she asked him to stop... So I don't really think this qualifies as rape. But I'm not a lawyer.
Clearly.

No means no, even if they already started. Consent can be withdrawn at any time.

Yes, other posters are correct that it may be hard to prove, but it's still rape, which is still a major crime. If she wants to report it, she should.
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