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Yes, but your example of your friends proved that what i was saying that what you were saying is wrong is correct. Shunning any guy that gives you even a mildly creepy vibe is not going to make you any safer. Sometimes guys just come off as awkward and you're too scared so yuo get "creeped out" but they might not actually be creeps.
So what if I'm wrong? You may look at a woman and think 'wow, she's a bar skank' by what she's wearing or what she looks like and she could be a virgin who is sweet as pie. You wouldn't know that by looking at her though. I can easily tell the difference between awkward and 'creepy', I did spend years in school for engineering...I know my share of awkward dudes. If I'm not into a guy, I'm not into him period. The reason really doesn't matter, now does it?
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Except that you asked out the guy at the bar you thought was fun or whatever who then told you he's only looking for "friends with benefits".
And yet you were turned on by Mr. "FWB", who apparently talked to you a lot. And saying "I'm just looking for friends with benefits" is a d-bag move if I've ever seen one.
He seemed nice. Turned out he wasn't. Who knew? It's not like I walked up to a muscle bound jock and asked him out, that's not the type of guy I'm interested in.
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Really? It sounds like you talked about tech and video games, which isn't inane conversation and is actually topical and is actually fodder for conversation. None of which negates what I said. What you're failing to realize is that A) most people are pretty dumb, but that doesn't make them bad people or bad dating prospects B) even if he is smart, and could talk for hours topically, he wouldn't know it and you'd have to advance a topic for him to not assume you're dumb and actually talk how he's comfortable.
No, we didn't talk about 'techie' stuff, we focused mostly on music since we're both musicians. We did talk a bit of about video games, our life growing up etc etc. ya know, things people talk about when they're getting to know each other. I now know how many siblings he has, how long his parents have been together, what his birthday is etc. and he knows the same about me. I know, trivial and banal for sure.
As for most people being dumb? Sure, and I choose not to date them. I'm not interested in a guy who is unintelligent and I DO consider them a bad dating prospect for me. Maybe not for others, but most definitely for me.
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No crap. But only if it's topical. And again, most people are dumb and haven't much knowledge. So most intelligent people won't talk the way they want to talk because most people can't talk like that. Once you start citing facts and articles you've read and such most people completely tune out. Not to mention a lot of topical stuff is stuff the dumb people cling to and would be offended if you questioned such things, and would only hate you more for citing facts.
I ENJOY when guys I'm out with (and my friends, for that matter) start citing facts and articles. Perhaps you tune out, but I become almost instantly interested and ask plenty of questions. I LOVE learning new things and if someone can give me a documentary to watch or an article to read I'm a happy camper. Me and the guy I went out with were talking about Game Informer magazine and discussing a few articles in the last few issues, one of which involved the company he works for so I received some insider information. I found that fascinating and will be picking his brain next time we see each other.
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None of which matters, since clearly any guy anywhere who's ever even slightly awkward is clearly trying to rape you and wear your skin as a suit, so you're "intuition" is never wrong, and any guy who doesn't seem that talkative is like that regardless of the topic or non-topic of conversation and also a moron.
Oh please
I just don't like non-talkative guys? Is that okay? Or should I completely change what I'm attracted to to make you happy? I want someone I can talk to, not someone who walks around grunting and pointing at things. I LIKE conversation and being intellectually stimulated.
You really like putting words in my mouth, don't you?
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Honestly, I mean, have you ever really, you know, been around people?
Yes, plenty of people.
They are talkative, intelligent and like having conversations. They also like sharing information and discussing things like books, articles, museums and new technology.
What do you and your friends do? Just sit around staring at the walls making odd comments about the weather?
While desperation is nothing new, it's like wherever I look there are young and not so young men who are desperate for female company - sex or a relationship. Whether physical or emotional, the needs are definitely there, and there is a lot of frustration and sometimes bitterness over this.
Do you think it's too easy for guys to become desperate because they're basically just lazy, or just can't cut it? Do you think that we should have to work hard for a relationship?
Or do you think a lot of women make it hard for us, and that this is merely a reflection of how competition works in nature?
I think that men are more frequently the desperate / lonely ones. I myself keep running into desperate males of various ages. Some are so desperate that it actually turns into something rather out of character for them.
I think it comes from them putting women on a pedestal. I've seen some guys pedastal-ize women and they basically act and talk like they're in high school when it comes to them. They eventually scare off the women after a while. I often tend to be the voice of reason, LOL!!!
I can easily tell the difference between awkward and 'creepy
Apparently not, since you think it's a good idea to shun every single guy who gives you "the creeps", which is any guy who might at any one moment be slightly awkward or quiet.
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So what if I'm wrong?
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You may look at a woman and think 'wow, she's a bar skank' by what she's wearing or what she looks like and she could be a virgin who is sweet as pie.
Yeah, and people who do this miss out. You have to get to know a person first, not just superficially judge them.
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No, we didn't talk about 'techie' stuff, we focused mostly on music since we're both musicians. We did talk a bit of about video games, our life growing up etc etc. ya know, things people talk about when they're getting to know each other. I now know how many siblings he has, how long his parents have been together, what his birthday is etc. and he knows the same about me. I know, trivial and banal for sure.
Wow, you're really bad at reading, aren't you? That's the kind of stuff I explicitly said isnt inane. That's all topical material. You had a conversation with him because he had topics he could talk about.
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Perhaps you tune out, but I become almost instantly interested and ask plenty of questions.
If you weren't paying attention, I implied I'm the one with the facts to cite, and most girls I meet are like most people, dumb lumpkins.
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I just don't like non-talkative guys? Is that okay? Or should I completely change what I'm attracted to to make you happy? I want someone I can talk to, not someone who walks around grunting and pointing at things. I LIKE conversation and being intellectually stimulated.
You really like putting words in my mouth, don't you?
Didn't put words into your mouth, they're pretty much exactly your words. I said that men aren't naturally talkative, and a number of times I mentioned that I'm only talkative when it's topical. You said you only want men who are talkative. Well, when most girls say that, they usually mean someone like everyone else who talks endlessy about absolutely NOTHING, ****ing NOTHING. You clearly seem knowledgeable, and want actual intelligent conversation. But like I said, until you express interest or put out there into the conversation some sort of topic, he's going to assume you're a moron like everyone else.
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They are talkative, intelligent and like having conversations. They also like sharing information and discussing things like books, articles, museums and new technology.
No they don't. They're dumb as **** and don't know how to think or analyze or question or anything. There are a million things I could talk about for an hour or two or even three at any one moment, but most people are dumb and stubborn. I also have a lot of strong opinions, but people don't want their extremely simplistic memes challenged, and have nothing to back them up, and will just word-for-word repeat their original assertion.
"I don't drink soda, it's bad for you"
I've pried and tried to get an answer out of people; what is it, the carbonation? The artificial sweetener? No clear answer
I could literally draw out the molecules for artificial sweetener, and explain how your body can process it just fine, and cite relevant studies. But we all know it'll go in one ear and out the other, and the person will just re-assert his simplistic claim, which is just based on a simplistic meme of that anything artificial/massproduced/tasty is bad, with no real reasoning behind it.
If we're out trying some new ethnic place, I'll start slightly venturing into explaining the ingredients, and their homeland geographies, but no one cares, and from place to place people entirely forget the name of every food and ingredient even if they've had it before.
whereas other people will start conversations about "you know sometimes you go to a place like this, with all the stuff on the walls, and it's nice"
or, scrounging for something to say to some girl he knows at a club, in the din of the 120 dB music, something about her hair, and comparing it to his hair or something
And every inanity from weather to things that don't even register as having a defined topic
So don't tell me that people are intelligent and talkative. They're only talkative with things that don't scare them and they know a little bit about, which is nothing, and are mostly incapable of though.
The only thing an intelligent person can do is not say anything until he knows he's talking on his level. And when conversation is inane as it usually is, not talk at all (or almost not at all).
Doesn't mean the person is dumb or can't be talkative under the right circumstances. You need to remember you just might be meeting a person who assumes everyone else is dumb and doesn't talk.
And so this person might be silent, and you'll suddenly be "creeped out" at this, and write him off entirely, because, however knowledgeable you are, you suck at self-honesty and analysis.
Which brings me back to my original point that it's silly to write off every single guy you might find creepy just because they might be slightly awkward, and instead use your damn head and check if it's a seriously weird social transgression that just happened (your groper, your smeller), or just a slight awkwardness, instead of using your meaningless "intuition", that, since you're a tyical scarde girl who was "almost raped" (that's actually an internet meme, BTW), will have you rejecting a ton of guys a large percentage of whome are actually intelligent or worth looking into. In other words, use your rational faculties. It's already been posted that your "gut" is just your brain using a short cut. Problem with that is, people frequently break stereotypes and rules and your own experience, and you need to actually get to know someone.
Apparently not, since you think it's a good idea to shun every single guy who gives you "the creeps", which is any guy who might at any one moment be slightly awkward or quiet.
Yeah, and people who do this miss out. You have to get to know a person first, not just superficially judge them.
Wow, you're really bad at reading, aren't you? That's the kind of stuff I explicitly said isnt inane. That's all topical material. You had a conversation with him because he had topics he could talk about.
If you weren't paying attention, I implied I'm the one with the facts to cite, and most girls I meet are like most people, dumb lumpkins.
Didn't put words into your mouth, they're pretty much exactly your words. I said that men aren't naturally talkative, and a number of times I mentioned that I'm only talkative when it's topical. You said you only want men who are talkative. Well, when most girls say that, they usually mean someone like everyone else who talks endlessy about absolutely NOTHING, ****ing NOTHING. You clearly seem knowledgeable, and want actual intelligent conversation. But like I said, until you express interest or put out there into the conversation some sort of topic, he's going to assume you're a moron like everyone else.
No they don't. They're dumb as **** and don't know how to think or analyze or question or anything. There are a million things I could talk about for an hour or two or even three at any one moment, but most people are dumb and stubborn. I also have a lot of strong opinions, but people don't want their extremely simplistic memes challenged, and have nothing to back them up, and will just word-for-word repeat their original assertion.
"I don't drink soda, it's bad for you"
I've pried and tried to get an answer out of people; what is it, the carbonation? The artificial sweetener? No clear answer
I could literally draw out the molecules for artificial sweetener, and explain how your body can process it just fine, and cite relevant studies. But we all know it'll go in one ear and out the other, and the person will just re-assert his simplistic claim, which is just based on a simplistic meme of that anything artificial/massproduced/tasty is bad, with no real reasoning behind it.
If we're out trying some new ethnic place, I'll start slightly venturing into explaining the ingredients, and their homeland geographies, but no one cares, and from place to place people entirely forget the name of every food and ingredient even if they've had it before.
whereas other people will start conversations about "you know sometimes you go to a place like this, with all the stuff on the walls, and it's nice"
or, scrounging for something to say to some girl he knows at a club, in the din of the 120 dB music, something about her hair, and comparing it to his hair or something
And every inanity from weather to things that don't even register as having a defined topic
So don't tell me that people are intelligent and talkative. They're only talkative with things that don't scare them and they know a little bit about, which is nothing, and are mostly incapable of though.
The only thing an intelligent person can do is not say anything until he knows he's talking on his level. And when conversation is inane as it usually is, not talk at all (or almost not at all).
Doesn't mean the person is dumb or can't be talkative under the right circumstances. You need to remember you just might be meeting a person who assumes everyone else is dumb and doesn't talk.
And so this person might be silent, and you'll suddenly be "creeped out" at this, and write him off entirely, because, however knowledgeable you are, you suck at self-honesty and analysis.
Which brings me back to my original point that it's silly to write off every single guy you might find creepy just because they might be slightly awkward, and instead use your damn head and check if it's a seriously weird social transgression that just happened (your groper, your smeller), or just a slight awkwardness, instead of using your meaningless "intuition", that, since you're a tyical scarde girl who was "almost raped" (that's actually an internet meme, BTW), will have you rejecting a ton of guys a large percentage of whome are actually intelligent or worth looking into. In other words, use your rational faculties. It's already been posted that your "gut" is just your brain using a short cut. Problem with that is, people frequently break stereotypes and rules and your own experience, and you need to actually get to know someone.
Wow. Nowhere did I say I write off every guy that acts creepy. As I mentioned before, some of my guy friends have been labeled as 'creepy' and yet *gasp* I'm still friends with them.
The rest of your rambling is of no interest to me and I'm not going to reply to someone who just sits around and insults me and basically tells me what I think and feel.
Nowhere did I say I write off every guy that acts creepy
You said you were going to follow your intuition or whatever when I said that relying solely on it might not be a good idea.
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The rest of your rambling is of no interest to me and I'm not going to reply to someone who just sits around and insults me and basically tells me what I think and feel.
I actually said you sound knowledgeable a number of times. But yeah, you pretty much suck at not doing the emotional girl thing. You could use that intelligence to your advantage, but you fail to do so. You're on here for advice, and a GUY is giving it to you directly, but you don't want to hear it. One day you're going to have to accept that your "feelings" can massively betray you, regardless of how much cultural back up you've gotten for the opposite position. The airplane wasn't invented with "feelings", roads aren't paved with "feelings", and believe it or not people don't find mates with "feelings". Yup, that's what I said. The ones who do, bomb, and that's why we have so much fail when it comes to love, marriage and child rearing in our society.
I loathe my parents' Old World culture, and their dry, planned, work-oriented approach to life can suck the life out of someone, but at least they know how to do the marriage-and-kids thing. Immigrants are basically the only competent parents left in the blue state regions.
You said you were going to follow your intuition or whatever when I said that relying solely on it might not be a good idea.
I actually said you sound knowledgeable a number of times. But yeah, you pretty much suck at not doing the emotional girl thing. You could use that intelligence to your advantage, but you fail to do so. You're on here for advice, and a GUY is giving it to you directly, but you don't want to hear it. One day you're going to have to accept that your "feelings" can massively betray you, regardless of how much cultural back up you've gotten for the opposite position. The airplane wasn't invented with "feelings", roads aren't paved with "feelings", and believe it or not people don't find mates with "feelings". Yup, that's what I said. The ones who do, bomb, and that's why we have so much fail when it comes to love, marriage and child rearing in our society.
I loathe my parents' Old World culture, and their dry, planned, work-oriented approach to life can suck the life out of someone, but at least they know how to do the marriage-and-kids thing. Immigrants are basically the only competent parents left in the blue state regions.
And you pretty much suck at doing the advice thing.
You're giving out advice that benefits you and only you, why should I follow it? I've also had guys on here tell me that if I wanted to find a guy I should go out in revealing outfits and wear a ton of makeup...should I listen to them as well?
I have tried the 'logical' approach to dating in the past and I ended up with dry, boring people that I didn't actually want to be around. I know that's what you prefer, but that's not what I prefer. Considering I don't plan on raising a family, that has zero bearing on my decisions.
Oh, and I'm an immigrant.
And my parents got married because they love each other and their 30th anniversary is coming up this April.
You're giving out advice that benefits you and only you, why should I follow it?
No I'm not, I'm giving advice that is objectively true. The most basic facts is you need to get to know someone, and people frequently are not as they might "seem" at first.
It logically follows that you shouldn't write off people for dumb reasons, i.e. if they "seem" this way or that. And a guy being "creepy", which you'll ascribe to pretty much anybody, is most certainly a dumb reason. I mean you literally explained how you realized that guys can accidentally be creepy if they don't know what to do right, with an example of a friend, then you went on to immediately back-track and say you're still going to use your "feelings" or "intuition" or whatever where you're constantly scared of like half the guys out there. If you can't rationally separate a guy who smells your hair or gropes you from, what was it you said your friend did? come to close to a girl? Sidle up next to her?, then well you aren't really using reason, you're using your fear like you said you would, which I keep saying is hobbling you, hobbling you to the point where you can't tell the difference between gropers and your awkward friends.
Also, you're actually statistically unlikely to be harmed when you're dating. So calm the hell down and stop being scared (re-iteration of the same point).
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I know that's what you prefer, but that's not what I prefer
Never said I prefer boring people. I'm just telling you your approach is stupid, and if you'd use those rational faculties, you'd realize that.
No I'm not, I'm giving advice that is objectively true. The most basic facts is you need to get to know someone, and people frequently are not as they might "seem" at first.
It logically follows that you shouldn't write off people for dumb reasons, i.e. if they "seem" this way or that. And a guy being "creepy", which you'll ascribe to pretty much anybody, is most certainly a dumb reason. I mean you literally explained how you realized that guys can accidentally be creepy if they don't know what to do right, with an example of a friend, then you went on to immediately back-track and say you're still going to use your "feelings" or "intuition" or whatever where you're constantly scared of like half the guys out there. If you can't rationally separate a guy who smells your hair or gropes you from, what was it you said your friend did? come to close to a girl? Sidle up next to her?, then well you aren't really using reason, you're using your fear like you said you would, which I keep saying is hobbling you, hobbling you to the point where you can't tell the difference between gropers and your awkward friends.
Also, you're actually statistically unlikely to be harmed when you're dating. So calm the hell down and stop being scared (re-iteration of the same point).
Never said I prefer boring people. I'm just telling you your approach is stupid, and if you'd use those rational faculties, you'd realize that.
Seriously. Quite with the passive aggressive insults, it's very unbecoming and shows that you're the one being ruled by your emotions right now.
I also think it's quite funny that you keep thinking I'm scared...when I'm definitely not. There is a BIG difference in being scared and being cautious. You keep slapping labels on me as if you actually know me when in fact you know absolutely nothing about me, and you keep putting words in my mouth (I apparently label everyone as creepy...) and it makes you look ridiculous.
Oh, and I'm nowhere near scared. Just because I don't give every single person I come across a chance doesn't mean I'm 'scared'. Of course, going from giving everyone a chance (which I've mentioned in the past if you were paying attention) to being selective has landed me a guy that I really enjoy being around.
. Just because I don't give every single person I come across a chance
I Never said that.
But the bottom line is you on the one hand admitted that you understand the concept that not every guy who might give you a creepy guy is actaually necessarily creepy, then turned right back and said you're still going to go with that assumption. You've still lumped your FRIEND in with Mr. Gropey and Hair-sniffer, which is LOONY.
And it's not really an insult, it's more just a fact. Most guys know "girls are stupid" (obviously, not all girls, but it's a tendency). And a few know about the scared-girl syndrome. It's just something we come to terms with. I'm just telling you you COULD do better if you'd but USE YOUR RATIONAL FACULTIES.
I Never said that.
But the bottom line is you on the one hand admitted that you understand the concept that not every guy who might give you a creepy guy is actaually necessarily creepy, then turned right back and said you're still going to go with that assumption. You've still lumped your FRIEND in with Mr. Gropey and Hair-sniffer, which is LOONY.
And it's not really an insult, it's more just a fact. Most guys know "girls are stupid" (obviously, not all girls, but it's a tendency). And a few know about the scared-girl syndrome. It's just something we come to terms with. I'm just telling you you COULD do better if you'd but USE YOUR RATIONAL FACULTIES.
Yes, and I've known those guys for years. You're saying that I should wait YEARS to see if a guy is worth dating before making a move? Who has that kind of time on their hands? Of course, I've also known guys for years that were weird in the first place and still make me uncomfortable 10+ years later.
So, you can assume 'girls are stupid and scared' but I'm not allowed to assume 'guys are weird and may be creepy' based on the actions presented to me? I'd say we're both making illogical assumptions based on observation and feeling. Do you assume a girl is stupid unless otherwise proven?
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