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saying you r separated and being legally separated are 2 different things. saying u r separated means u did not come home last night unless u got a separation paper from the court. 40% of men that post on eharmony are married.
I don't know about other states but TX does not recognize separation. There is no such legal status.
So predictable what the do-gooders on CD would say... If your in a no fault divorce state what does it matter? A player is a player, married or not. No different than dating a single guy who could always "re-concile" w an old girlfriend. He "lied" until he could explain it in detail and you evaluate him as a person and not get dismissed from the outset.
So predictable what the do-gooders on CD would say... If your in a no fault divorce state what does it matter? A player is a player, married or not. No different than dating a single guy who could always "re-concile" w an old girlfriend. He "lied" until he could explain it in detail and you evaluate him as a person and not get dismissed from the outset.
So you're saying you wouldn't hold this against him? I was once dishonest about something in my profile and it backfired, so I learned my lesson. On the site where I met this guy, the options are "single", "seeing someone", and "married" but yes, he still could've explained that he was separated in the self-description section of his profile. But what's done is done.
Recently, I met a guy online who listed his status as single, but as it turns out he is actually married but separated from his wife. They don't have any children, have been living apart for a little over 6 months, and in my state, a 12 month separation is necessary before a divorce can be granted. So anyways, I just met the guy and there has been no physical contact between us, but I do have some concerns about potentially getting involved with someone who's still legally married. What would your personal limits be in this situation? No sex until he/she is officially divorced? No dating/seeing each other at all? He says there's no chance of reconciliation, but that's what they all say, right? Then of course, I've heard stories about men lying about being separated while actually still with their wives and the wives have no idea. Do I need to request to actually see the divorce papers at some point?
I'll say proceed with caution. Most people date separated folks -- human nature. I'm not gonna judge. I will say, 6 months is a short period of time. He and his wife could reconcile.
I would never speak to him again. This is false advertisement. He could have set his status to separated.
On most dating sites that is an option, and I would be concerned if somebody wasn't honest about their status on such a site.
I know that on eHarmony, however, listing yourself as "separated" is not an option, because they don't allow members who are technically still married. This annoys me, because it's a case of them pushing their religious beliefs on others. (They started as a Fundamentalist Christian site back in the day and still retain a few elements of that mentality.) So if someone on that site listed themselves as something other than separated so that they could participate in the site, it wouldn't bother me, as long as they were upfront with me before the first date or on the first date at the latest. I'm not sure if eHarmony is the only site that doesn't allow people to list "separated" as an option. There may be others.
As others on this thread have said, it's normal for people to date when they're separated. That's generally assumed to be part of the reason people separate.
I don't care what someone's legal status is, so much as where they are in terms of being "over" their last relationship and ready to move on. I'd be more likely to think that someone who is still separated and not yet divorced is more likely to still have baggage from the relationship, but I've met separated people who were totally ready to move on, and completely divorced people who weren't, so there are other factors.
Sadly I've encountered this situation repeatedly. 3 out of 4 woman I dated in 2011 broke out the "btw, I'm techinically still married" line. Their husbands were all living in other cities and I was able to verify it in every instance. But I wasn't comfortable with it even then. It's a bit startling at the number of woman I've met who are interested in me, that are in this situation.
It takes time to get over a relationship, regardless of who ended it. And I felt like 1, they were rebounding, 2, it was bad karma. To me a long term relationship and marriage aren't any different, other than 1 has a legally binding contract attached to it. But what it does tell me is that, this person hasn't been single long enough and is not ready to be in a relationship, because it's harder to hide the termination of the relationship since the person holding on will delay the divorce in hopes of reconcilliation.
I did end up starting a relationship with a woman who was "seperated." She was in the divorce process at the time, having been seperated for over a year and going through the court and legal battle of finalizing the divorce. We never officially dated until after the divorce, but did communicate a lot and got to know each other. I did not want to get too deep into a relationship with someone who was technically not single, so until then we kept things rather light. (Also gave me time to evaluate her true intents and desires).
Whether that is right or wrong for anyone else's situation is for them to decide, based on the particulars of the situation and how they are evaluating the other person's heart and true intent.
So I'm still not really sure about this separated guy situation. I enjoy his company (still nothing physical between us), but the wife thing is kind of bothering me a bit. I found out a bit more about her and she and I seem to be very different, so it's very possible that he's just in an exploratory phase right now and with Valentine's Day being just around the corner, he (or the wife) might have a meltdown or something. I'm just not sure if dating him is a good idea right now. According to him, the split is very mutual and amicable and has been brewing for quite some time, but when I saw the photos of his wife, I felt kind of bad. She might be really hurt if she knew he had started dating already. I mean, she is still married to him and I don't really want to feel like the dirty mistress.
Recently, I met a guy online who listed his status as single, but as it turns out he is actually married but separated from his wife. They don't have any children, have been living apart for a little over 6 months, and in my state, a 12 month separation is necessary before a divorce can be granted. So anyways, I just met the guy and there has been no physical contact between us, but I do have some concerns about potentially getting involved with someone who's still legally married. What would your personal limits be in this situation? No sex until he/she is officially divorced? No dating/seeing each other at all? He says there's no chance of reconciliation, but that's what they all say, right? Then of course, I've heard stories about men lying about being separated while actually still with their wives and the wives have no idea. Do I need to request to actually see the divorce papers at some point?
Honestly, I will not be jumping the conclusion and using every nasty words under the sun to label this man as not trustworthy. A lot of people started dating already as soon as they are separated.
But here is my concern. Did you find out he is divorced or he volunteered that info? This makes a big difference in my book. If He came clean, I would continuously be dating him, no big deal.
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Assuming this is an honest man. the potential problems I have with him is the emotional baggage. Anybody who went through divorce at least need some time to process the info, going through the grief process, jumping to another relationship will be a rebound. Rebound relationship perhaps never work.
So I'm still not really sure about this separated guy situation. I enjoy his company (still nothing physical between us), but the wife thing is kind of bothering me a bit. I found out a bit more about her and she and I seem to be very different, so it's very possible that he's just in an exploratory phase right now and with Valentine's Day being just around the corner, he (or the wife) might have a meltdown or something. I'm just not sure if dating him is a good idea right now. According to him, the split is very mutual and amicable and has been brewing for quite some time, but when I saw the photos of his wife, I felt kind of bad. She might be really hurt if she knew he had started dating already. I mean, she is still married to him and I don't really want to feel like the dirty mistress.
I kind of went through this once myself. The guy separated with his wife six months before going to the dating world again. You have to know that people do not wake up one day decided their marriage does not work and wanted to call it quit. He and his wife were not in good term for at least five years before they decided to separate. So I am positive he has gone through the whole grief period. He had zero feeling toward her. He did not even hate her, she is like a stranger to him. That relationshipb etween me and him was totally safe and fabulous. We ended up breaking up for other reasons.
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