Lost a BFF... Sad and angry at the same time (girls, family)

[royalfuchsia]

Has anybody lost a best friend over something?

My bff for many years dropped me because (according to her) I tried to seduce her last guy and that I kept stealing her men.

She had not been speaking to me for two years now and I just found out recently that was how she felt.

Her accusation is not true. I would never try to seduce someone I knew my friend was into, especially someone really close to me.

At first, I couldn't believe that was the reason she dropped me. Especially the part where I tried to seduce her bf. I couldn't imagine doing anything of the sort.

I was really hurt because she didn't tell me, no matter how many times I tried to reach out. I thought we could tell each other everything.

I met her last bf one time only (two years ago, when she stopped speaking to me). I kept trying to remember what I had said or done that might have been inappropriate. I even asked the other girls who were there if they saw/heard me do/say something that would be construed as flirting, but they were too busy to notice.

After days of searching my brain for the whens and whys and coming up with nothing valid, I started feeling angry. I felt like she should have at least given our friendship a consideration.

One of our friends said she was really into the guy I supposedly flirted with. He didn't seem serious with her and they are no longer together.

It made me angry that she dropped me over a guy who wasn't even worth it. She chose the guy (who she had suspicions about since they first met) and dropped me (who had been with her through ups and downs).

We had years of friendship and had been through so much together since we became friends in high school. She dropped me (sorry, just cant get over it).

The guy would disappear on her for two weeks at a time with no explanation since they started and was like that until he just disappeared on her (She chose this jerk).

Eventually, my pain turned to anger. I feel betrayed that she gave me up just like that. And to top it all, she accused me of something I am so sure I never did. She never even gave me any benefit of the doubt, even though she knew me all these years.

It just saddens me that I lost something I really valued and it angers me that she had valued the highs a douchebag could give her in bed over the years of good times and bad times we shared almost half of our lives.

Now, I feel like I don't even care to talk to her. I have always wanted her to be happy and find the man who would cherish her. But if she can drop me, then I sure don't care whether her next guy screws her over again or not.

Has anybody else felt as betrayed as I am, cherished a bff only for them to drop what you had for a relationship with an unworthy person?

Did you ever feel like you still wanted to fix the friendship or did you just move on?

Sometimes I want to talk to her and ask her what exactly I have done. But sometimes I just get angry. After all, she didn't even give me a chance so why should I care?

Our other girl friends are really concerned, especially since we've known each other longer than any of them. But right now, I feel like I don't even want to fix anything.

[JanND]

It seems to me that you are hurting freshly about this because you just learned the "Why". In my opinion what you need is some closure, and that might be all you can get from questioning her...because after 2 years, it may be nearly impossible to get your friendship back on track.
I would initiate a meeting where you can sit down and discuss what you just heard, share how hurt you are, and have been and she has made you feel betrayed for the last two years. The best that you can hope for is that she accepts your invitation...She may not. Good luck to you with this.

To answer your question...I too lost what I considered was a very good friend. I was never given the benefit of knowing, although I asked a few times. I eventually had to give up. It hurt, it felt unfair...but I had done what I could to find resolution, and she would never discuss it. You can't resolve a situation by yourself. I had to move on. JanND

[AverageGuy2006]

Originally Posted by JanND

It seems to me that you are hurting freshly about this because you just learned the "Why". In my opinion what you need is some closure, and that might be all you can get from questioning her...because after 2 years, it may be nearly impossible to get your friendship back on track.
I would initiate a meeting where you can sit down and discuss what you just heard, share how hurt you are, and have been and she has made you feel betrayed for the last two years. The best that you can hope for is that she accepts your invitation...She may not. Good luck to you with this.

To answer your question...I too lost what I considered was a very good friend. I was never given the benefit of knowing, although I asked a few times. I eventually had to give up. It hurt, it felt unfair...but I had done what I could to find resolution, and she would never discuss it. You can't resolve a situation by yourself. I had to move on. JanND

I think the bolded is what happens more times than not. People just don't like confrontation. And when someones feelings are hurt, confrontation is quite possible. You would think after being friends for so long, that a sit wouldn't be asking too much, but sometimes people would rather ignore you or blow of your attempts.
Sometimes people just move on and you never know exactly why. The 'new' story you heard may just he her excuse for being a bad friend, and she is now just making invalid excuses.

I have learned not to hold friendships on the pedestal they once were on. It is kind of sad, but at least that way, when someone disappears, albeit an argument, a new s/o, or they choose to spend time elsewhere, it doesn't affect me as much.

It is possible that your friendship with your bff wasn't as good as you think it was. In any case, I guess it may be worth trying to contact her, but it sounds like you already have, and it may be best to let her go. Sounds like your friend has moved on.
Some people get defensive when they bring new s/o's around friends. And some people act weird around others new s/o's.
This will likely happen again, and eventually, I have learned to only bring solid new s/o's around friends. And meeting new s/o's I am extremely unflirtatious, and i keep a bit of a distance from the new s/o of my friend. I have witnessed way too many circumstances in which problems pop up with new s/o's or new s/o's with family or friends. It just isnt worth the hassle.