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Haven't had much luck posting threads in this sub-forum, but here goes anyway.
I'm fixing up a house in a neighborhood that is revitalizing. I have a neighbor--down the street and around the corner--who is doing the same thing.
I have helped her occasionally over the last year, when I wasn't too busy with my own project.
She was recently married, but her husband turned out to be kind of a deadbeat, and she says she will probably be getting a divorce.
She has run into a time crunch, so I've been helping out more lately, (along with many of her friends and without any help from hubby) to help her meet her deadline. (unrelated to her potential divorce)
I always thought she was attractive, but as I get to know her better lately, I'm finding myself more and more attracted to her. So, my question is about timing. Should I ask her out next time I have the opportunity? That seems like it might be in bad taste, since she isn't divorced, yet, but I also don't want someone else asking first, either. I'm also worried that she might think I'm expecting something for the help I've given. (I'd like to think I would have helped just as often, regardless of gender or looks, but it probably helped that she is an attractive woman. ) I don't want to ruin a potential friendship, even if she isn't interested in a relationship, and I think asking her out at the wrong time could ruin everything. Maybe I can't ask her out at all now, if I want to stay friends?
Any advice? (besides staying away from the drama altoghether)
I wouldn't ask her "out" on a date or anything resembling one. Considering her situation, I'd would approach her in a strictly friends-type of manner so there are no expectations of anything, putting both of you in potentially very awkward situations.
Ask her out when it's comfortable. Make it something casual.
Are you sure she's getting a divorce? "Will be" getting divorced is vague.
Yeah, I know I was being vague. She said she realized she rushed into getting married, and was going to get a divorce. I added the "probably" because, as far as I know, (and I'm certainly not close enough to know all her personal business) nothing official has happened yet. So, I think there is a microscopic chance that it might not happen.
Quote:
Originally Posted by smarterguy
I wouldn't ask her "out" on a date or anything resembling one. Considering her situation, I'd would approach her in a strictly friends-type of manner so there are no expectations of anything, putting both of you in potentially very awkward situations.
Whether you meant to or not, you are saying "just be friends." Not that I disagree. But if you're suggesting that something might happen later, that's unlikely. I'm one of those guys who always ends up in the "friend zone."
I agree with the others on not asking her out until she is divorced, but in the right conversation, you can let her know you'll be the first one at her door to ask her out once the divorce is final.
Yeah, I know I was being vague. She said she realized she rushed into getting married, and was going to get a divorce. I added the "probably" because, as far as I know, (and I'm certainly not close enough to know all her personal business) nothing official has happened yet. So, I think there is a microscopic chance that it might not happen.
If she hasn't even filed yet, then no dating.
I'm not of the opinion that you have to wait until divorce is final.
Whether you meant to or not, you are saying "just be friends." Not that I disagree. But if you're suggesting that something might happen later, that's unlikely. I'm one of those guys who always ends up in the "friend zone."
When she gets divorced or maybe even seperated, let your intentions be known. Be assertive.
Just my opinion. I really dont believe in the "friend zone" thing.
Thanks for the replies, everyone. Seems as though I should wait at least until the divorce proceedings are underway before I let her know how I feel--in a casual way; not by getting down on one knee and serenading her, or something.
Quote:
Originally Posted by smarterguy
When she gets divorced or maybe even seperated, let your intentions be known. Be assertive.
Just my opinion. I really dont believe in the "friend zone" thing.
I guess "friend zone" is just another way of saying they were never interested in the first place? (sorry, I'm not a regular here, this has probably been covered to death in other threads)
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) I don't want to ruin a potential friendship, even if she isn't interested in a relationship, and I think asking her out at the wrong time could ruin everything. Maybe I can't ask her out at all now, if I want to stay friends?
Whether you meant to or not, you are saying "just be friends." Not that I disagree. But if you're suggesting that something might happen later, that's unlikely. I'm one of those guys who always ends up in the "friend zone."
