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The truth of the matter is that women use proper English as a discriminator for "quality" men since it's an indicator of education, family background, and social status. In other words, a man's provider potential and financial status can be inferred from their education level, as they present. I don't think men do the same thing to women, we are more visual, as they say...
Speak for yourself.
I screen for intelligence and education (formal or otherwise), not because I care about their financial status, but because a woman who can't carry on a halfway intelligent conversation makes me want to gouge my eardrums out with a rusty spoon on the first date, no matter how good-looking she is. Also, I don't want to have stupid children.
I screen for intelligence and education (formal or otherwise), not because I care about their financial status, but because a woman who can't carry on a halfway intelligent conversation makes me want to gouge my eardrums out with a rusty spoon on the first date, no matter how good-looking she is. Also, I don't want to have stupid children.
Long time ago, I did have a short list of qualifications I wanted my girlfriends to have and discovered I just wasn't compatible with them for various reasons. I concluded that it was my fault for making bad selections and finally figured out that all I really wanted/needed was to enjoy the company and companionship of an attractive woman, not matter what her education level. She could be a waitress at Denny's for all I cared, I had enough education for the both of us, and any kids we could have would likewise have a strong influence. It was one of the best relationship decisions I made. As they say, to each his own...
It's only perfect when I'm giving someone else trouble about their writing and then I make sure it is but otherwise I'm not too concerned about posting on a forum b/c I have better things to do with my time than to endlessly proofread. Also, before I quoted you, I did check on OWL to make sure the rules for possessives are correct b/c I don't think anything would make me look more foolish than telling someone that they're breaking a punctuation rule, when in fact they're not. Besides that, at times the rules and spellings can change and it's good to stay up to date if you're going to be in the business of giving someone trouble.
To get back to the OP though--yes I did make sure that my writing was perfect in my profile when I was OL dating but am now dating a man who is extremely intelligent but can't spell worth a dern. I'm fine with that b/c I'm more interested in the ideas he expresses than in how he spells the words and he has plenty of worthwhile things to say.
Always spell out ALMOST all words if you don't want to sound like a wanna be jobless and uneducated thug, never call a woman girl, sexy, sweetie, or beautiful in the first message or tell her that she has perfect boobs or a nice ass or be way aggressive and **** quick turn off. Long and perfect messages can be annoying it means you're either a little desperate, too pushy. Short and sweet are good but don't message with just a 'hi' very annoying.
Quote:
Originally Posted by JetJockey
I'm curious...
For those of you who have tried or are currently trying the wonderful world of online dating, how much does spelling and grammar matter to you?
Would it be considered a dealbreaker if a potential match couldn't string together a coherent sentence?
How about that first message? If it's mangled or ridiculous (ex: hey how r u) do you reply as you normally would, do you read the profile first and then make a decision or do you roll your eyes and ignore?
For me, writing a well crafted (though not necessarily long or detailed) first message is extremely important. I'd dare say it's like showing up to your first date groomed and smelling nice. It presents you at your best and shows the person you're messaging that you are truly interested and not just emailing hundreds of randoms hoping one will respond.
I started thinking about this because I received this messages a while back:
hey sexxy, u seem really cool i d like 2 get to no u so check out my profile n if u wanna chat u can txt me or at least msg me back. 508-000-0000 hope i hear from you soon hun.....
That is verbatim, barring the phone number, as a first message. What would you think of that? This was a 32 year old man, by the way.
You know, I don't care if someone makes the occasional slip. Heck, who doesn't goof every once in a while? But when somebody is incapable of stringing together a couple of grammatically-correct sentences, then he or she is on par with the village idiot.
What's more, it's not just the dating world. It's every other world, too, save those inhabited by knuckle-dragging halfwits. Like it or not, that person will be judged throughout life by the large majority of people he or she encounters. Quite fairly, too. It's not as if the basic rules of English grammar are all that hard to grasp. In that sense, someone who says, "I seen" or "I be" will be viewed as little better than a toddler in terms of mental development.
So if you're routinely blowing off the need to speak correct English and are having terrible luck in your professional life, maybe the two are interrelated. I had an employee who, God love her, had a good heart. But we couldn't take her into client meetings, because every time she opened her mouth, it sounded as if Forrest Gump's really dumb sister had just stepped off the turnip truck. Nobody could ever take a word she said seriously, because they couldn't get past how she mangled the language.
Far as I can tell we weren't talking about the occasional slip up. Also, I think it's obvious that the person is going to be 'judged like it or not.' Isn't that the case with most things? But call it like it is: people just want yet another reason to look down their nose at someone else. It's nothing new. Outside of a school setting, people that go around correcting other people's grammar usually aren't doing it out of the kindness of their heart. Really it's just to puff up their own ego. I don't know what issues that woman you worked with had, but pretty clear by the names you don't think she was worth a crap. It really doesn't do much to add 'she had a good heart,' after that -- give me a break. Personally I didn't appreciate so called grown men putting me down on the dating sites for saying I was LD. I got a taste of how they think they are God's gift to everyone so can't say I'm anymore surprised now. For all you know that woman you worked with could've been LD or had a brain injury, any number of things. But people don't care. Humanity needs to come to a close ASAP.
Hearing "I seen" is particularly damaging to my ears and brain. What's so hard about saying "I've seen..." or "I saw...?"
I always had a hard time dating anyone who said any of the quotes listed in the OP (although "ain't" is pretty much accepted into the English language now).
You mean, "I have always had".
Unless you mean that you used to have a hard time but no longer do.
Far as I can tell we weren't talking about the occasional slip up. Also, I think it's obvious that the person is going to be 'judged like it or not.' Isn't that the case with most things? But call it like it is: people just want yet another reason to look down their nose at someone else. It's nothing new. Outside of a school setting, people that go around correcting other people's grammar usually aren't doing it out of the kindness of their heart. Really it's just to puff up their own ego. I don't know what issues that woman you worked with had, but pretty clear by the names you don't think she was worth a crap. It really doesn't do much to add 'she had a good heart,' after that -- give me a break. Personally I didn't appreciate so called grown men putting me down on the dating sites for saying I was LD. I got a taste of how they think they are God's gift to everyone so can't say I'm anymore surprised now. For all you know that woman you worked with could've been LD or had a brain injury, any number of things. But people don't care. Humanity needs to come to a close ASAP.
Oh, baloney. What a bunch of reverse snobbery. That's quite a rationalization on your part, for you're actually arguing that how you speak shouldn't affect how people see you. You might as well argue against sunrise, sunset, and the revolution of the planets around the sun.
Well, let me just lay it on the line. It does absolutely affect how people see you. Open your mouth in conversation with someone for the first time, and within a matter of seconds you're telling them exactly what to think of you. If you choose to speak like an illiterate, then you will be treated like one. It's the verbal equivalent of wearing sweatpants and a raggedy t-shirt to a job interview or on a date. You might as well wear a flashing neon sign on your forehead that reads, "Halfwit."
As a result, you will be passed over for jobs and promotions. If you have a job, you will not be invited to meetings of any consequence. Your opinion will be discounted. On the other hand, if you speak in an articulate way, then you'll be treated as if you have a brain. I've seen it happen time and again in just about every possible setting and situation. The ones with command of the language succeed while the ones who speak like someone out of an episode of the Beverly Hillbillies or What's Happenin' do not. It's not me making that judgment. It's humanity.
That being said, how on earth did you get the idea that speaking as if you were something out of Oliver Twist is a badge of honor? And how did you come up with the idea that one is a snob to expect something approaching proper English? It's the equivalent of a 400-lb. person complaining about how nobody can get past his or her obesity to see the true inner person. As an aside, by the way, I don't correct people's grammar, for that is indeed rude. At the same time, a person's language is actually quite indicative of their intellect. As I said at the beginning of my post you quoted, I don't really worry about the occasional goof. But a constant torrent of bad grammar tells me that the speaker is either lazy or stupid. There just aren't two ways about it. It's pretty foolproof.
And, quite frankly, if you are that lackadaisical in how you express yourself then you are likely being discounted by most of the world. My aforementioned employee had essentially hit the ceiling in her career. She had no brain injury or chronic condition that kept her from speaking English in a passable way. She wasn't going to rise any further in life because she spoke as if she'd never seen the inside of a high school, let alone a college. And when you're in the business of asking for tens of thousands, even hundreds of thousands, of dollars of a client's money, you better be certain that you don't have a hair out of place in how you present yourself. Sprinkling the word ain't or I seen throughout one's conversation doesn't exactly inspire confidence in the clients writing the checks.
Last edited by cpg35223; 03-14-2013 at 09:35 PM..
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Really it's just to puff up their own ego. I don't know what issues that woman you worked with had, but pretty clear by the names you don't think she was worth a crap. It really doesn't do much to add 'she had a good heart,' after that -- give me a break. Personally I didn't appreciate so called grown men putting me down on the dating sites for saying I was LD. I got a taste of how they think they are God's gift to everyone so can't say I'm anymore surprised now. For all you know that woman you worked with could've been LD or had a brain injury, any number of things. But people don't care. Humanity needs to come to a close ASAP.
