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No one is judging you for not wanting to date single dads. I bet I could start a thread saying a single dad would not be my first choice and it would not turn into 27 pages. It's all in the wording. What people are trying to do is get you to see that this is greatly going to limit your pool, not every single dad is a d-bag who doesn't support their kids, you don't know the full story as to why the kids were born out of wedlock so perhaps you should learn it before passing judgement and the biggest thing is that it is incredibly hypocritical of you to be all "boo hoo, these men are being mean to and judging me" when you are incredibly judgmental yourself. You can't judge and and expect to not be judged back.
Normally I would ignore but what really bothered me was he turned it around and said he was trying to "help". I get these random messages all the time online.
Ah yeah, the good old insult given under the guise of "help." Not worth your time.
You know, the first time I was ever contacted by anyone ever back in 2008 it was by a man who viewed my profile and sent me a message basically telling me he was not interested and gave me what he thought were pointers on what men were looking to see/read in a profile.
I took it as constructive criticism. I did not necessarily change anything, but I did keep in mind the things he said.
He told me what kind of pictures would be better, and I sort of agree, but I did not change them. I know people want full body pictures and I did not and do not post them. I am not a piece of meat.
He told me my profile was too long. I looked to see if three was anything I could change, and I did not think there was.
My profile told about myself and what I was looking for. I kept it positive and used the features Match has to specify who I am looking for. No smokers, etc.
The bolded part is just nuts. You cannot control what a person has done in their past. To tell someone they should not have slept with their ex? Now you want a 40 year old virgin too?
It will never stop people I am not looking for to send messages, I know this.
These guys aren't giving me constructive criticism, they are attacking me because I don't date men like them. There are guys I chat with who do give me pointers and in return I give them pointers as well but they aren't attacking me.
I don't expect a man to be a virgin but a guy with multiple out of wedlock children or a guy that was constantly divorced are not men who make good choices. I make good choices as I don't have out of wedlock children or a string of divorces so I have every right to judge them.
No one is judging you for not wanting to date single dads. I bet I could start a thread saying a single dad would not be my first choice and it would not turn into 27 pages. It's all in the wording. What people are trying to do is get you to see that this is greatly going to limit your pool, not every single dad is a d-bag who doesn't support their kids, you don't know the full story as to why the kids were born out of wedlock so perhaps you should learn it before passing judgement and the biggest thing is that it is incredibly hypocritical of you to be all "boo hoo, these men are being mean to and judging me" when you are incredibly judgmental yourself. You can't judge and and expect to not be judged back.
I'm glad it limits my pool and no will not consider men who didn't MARRY the woman they had kids with. Why would I, he wouldn't marry me either. So of course I will be judgmental because he isn't a man who is obviously responsible.
Ah yeah, the good old insult given under the guise of "help." Not worth your time.
That's what bothers me about this. It's one thing if it's someone I chat with who gives me advice but when someone starts off and says the man I seek isn't out there and enjoy having 100 cats then it's definitely not constructive.
These guys aren't giving me constructive criticism, they are attacking me because I don't date men like them. There are guys I chat with who do give me pointers and in return I give them pointers as well but they aren't attacking me.
I don't expect a man to be a virgin but a guy with multiple out of wedlock children or a guy that was constantly divorced are not men who make good choices. I make good choices as I don't have out of wedlock children or a string of divorces so I have every right to judge them.
Just ignore them. I don't understand why you are giving the guys who insult you so much head space. There are idiots everywhere, if you are going to let every one of them get under your skin like this you are going to have a lot of misery in your life. I did online dating for several years on and off before I met my bf (via online dating) and know some people are stupid, but I just press "delete" and let it go. There is no reason to reply, they are trying to get you upset and succeeding. As my mother used to tell me when I would whine that my brother was picking on me, "if you didn't react, he'd stop doing it". Stop giving your energy over to the negative ones, and concentrate on who you DO want to meet. Law of Attraction and all, where you put your energy determines what you get more of in your life.
Just ignore them. I don't understand why you are giving the guys who insult you so much head space. There are idiots everywhere, if you are going to let every one of them get under your skin like this you are going to have a lot of misery in your life. I did online dating for several years on and off before I met my bf (via online dating) and know some people are stupid, but I just press "delete" and let it go. There is no reason to reply, they are trying to get you upset and succeeding. As my mother used to tell me when I would whine that my brother was picking on me, "if you didn't react, he'd stop doing it". Stop giving your energy over to the negative ones, and concentrate on who you DO want to meet. Law of Attraction and all, where you put your energy determines what you get more of in your life.
True. I think I just get so upset because often these messages follow men who rejected me. I know for me personally online isn't really in my heart now (especially the free sites).
These guys aren't giving me constructive criticism, they are attacking me because I don't date men like them. There are guys I chat with who do give me pointers and in return I give them pointers as well but they aren't attacking me.
I don't expect a man to be a virgin but a guy with multiple out of wedlock children or a guy that was constantly divorced are not men who make good choices. I make good choices as I don't have out of wedlock children or a string of divorces so I have every right to judge them.
I can only go by what you are telling us, which to me, is hearsay, but if these people are attacking you it is not because you don't date men like them. It is because of the way you come across in saying you don't date men like them.
Because you don't date a certain type of man does not make you better than that man, but that is how you come across.
People don't appreciate that, and no one wants that.
When it comes to online dating, it is not so much about what you say, it is about how you say it. For example, I want a man who is financially responsible, at least he has to be able to hold on to a decent job. But if I say, "Jobless losers no need to reply", I come across as a gold digger even though that is not what I am all about at all. Another example would be, if I say something like "If you don't want to get married in the next 2 years, don't reply" I come across as desperate.
I don't want to date single fathers, but I will never include that on my profile. If a single father contacted me, I would just not reply back, that is all.
Sometimes it's those little differences that can make a relationship interesting. Maybe you would learn to like something new and so would the guy. I don't get this need to be in a relationship with a clone of yourself but SO MANY women seem to want this now.
Life is short and the things you mentioned just seem small to me. It's like turning down a whole house because you don't like the wallpaper.
I'm thinking that you aren't looking at the WHOLE person.
I agree with you on one fact..SOME differences can definitely make the relationship interesting..and these are worth investigating…
However I think perhaps you misunderstood.
What I posted was based on experience and this does not work FOR ME..
I am not discounting the “whole” person however I am certain of what I want and do not want…
And by stating that all women who do this are wrong? Is very audacious..
Everyone has certain things they look for when approaching someone…whether it be Physical attributes, emotional aspect, values, morals, core beliefs…This is what makes us individuals and there is nothing wrong with this..
I know as far as I am concerned? I do not like hiking, I do not like camping, I will do it once a year as a whole family thing if needed and I am usually miserable…
I took my son fishing when he was younger and I hated it, I did it because he was my son and I love him and only a few times since he eventually grew out of it…But I would not indulge in this with anyone else, because it does not HOLD my interest.
I do not like hunting nor do I like the idea of hunting so of course I would naturally not seek out a man ho indulges in this activity…
I have dated several republicans and to be honest? Some of their ideas disgusted me and their beliefs systems in my opinion were very narrow minded and their reasoning? Ignorant…
I could not imagine living my life with someone like this.
It Is my distinct right as a individual to choose whomever I want without getting s-h-I-t for it…
Quote:
Originally Posted by meh_whatever
Why anyone would expect to sign up for a dating site and never get messages from anyone except people who meet a detailed list of specifications is beyond me.
I can't even put a For Sale ad (complete with full details) on Craigslist without attracting a good percentage of loons.
Who gives a damn? Ignore the ones you don't like.
I do not think it is so much about getting messages from people that do not fit one’s “Criteria” …
I think this is r
I think this is ridiculous to think that only people whom share your interests, and other aspects are going to contact you..
And I AGREE with you in that if one does not find these other individuals either attractive, having common interests and so forth? Ignore, delete or block…
I think the poster was referring to other individuals not meeting her “criteria” actually “feeling” so “put out” that they felt the need to send her an email stating how wrong she was for excluding certain individual…
True while this should not bother her, I think it is based on principal, we are or should be adults and if we come across a profile that attracts us “ The profile pic” and read on and find out for whatever reason we have been excluded for one reason or another? Then move on, find someone else, there Is no need for immaturity…SUCK it up and find someone more compatible with you!
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