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Why is this correlated? I've heard addiction and selfishness often being correlated. I've not heard of this causality, or relationship, before.
That's what they tell you in counseling for the families of addicts. And having had an alcoholic wreak havoc on my wife's family, I can tell you that I completely agree. That's because an addict has to keep a lot of balls in the air at once -- family, job, finances, whatever -- in order to find a way to feed the addiction. In the case of my brother-in-law's wife (The men in that family just know how to pick 'em, let me tell you what), this very sweet, kind, and considerate woman just turned into a complete disaster. She lied about everything to everyone, all so she could keep drinking.
My brother-in-law, a normally trusting soul, had to basically figure out what was going on by looking at her phone records and how she spent the money. She finally went into a program, has remained clean for 7-8 years, and the marriage survived it. But had he just sat on the sidelines and wondered, it would have been an even bigger nightmare.
You mean if you were married to someone for ten years and found out that she had lied to you about where she'd been that night, you'd be calling the divorce attorneys tomorrow? I call baloney on that.
I said if almost everything they said was a lie, which is the language you used. If I realized I had married someone that dishonest, which hopefully I'd never do in the first place, I would consider it to have been a huge mistake and would end it.
If I found out someone lied to me about where they had been that night, I'd confront them about it. I still wouldn't snoop, especially since I apparently already know they lied.
I said if almost everything they said was a lie, which is the language you used. If I realized I had married someone that dishonest, which hopefully I'd never do in the first place, I would consider it to have been a huge mistake and would end it.
If I found out someone lied to me about where they had been that night, I'd confront them about it. I still wouldn't snoop, especially since I apparently already know they lied.
But that's not what I'm saying. If addiction takes over someone's life, they can go from being a perfectly honest person to someone who lies like a dog. So you could be with someone for years in a trusting and honest relationship and not even realizing they're going off the rails -- all because they've never lied to you in the past.
Is googling someones name online snooping ?
Is looking up online county records on mortgage loan and tax documents snooping ?
No. These involve public information, accessible to anyone. It's the modern day equivalent of going to the Courthouse to look something up, or reading about someone in the newspaper.
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Originally Posted by AverageGuy2006
Or is snooping more defined as assessing s/o's email or facebook ?
Yes. These involve private communications. It's the modern day equivalent of opening someone else's mail or tapping their phone.
But that's not what I'm saying. If addiction takes over someone's life, they can go from being a perfectly honest person to someone who lies like a dog. So you could be with someone for years in a trusting and honest relationship and not even realizing they're going off the rails -- all because they've never lied to you in the past.
And I'm saying when they start lying about everything, the relationship is over. In the case of addiction, that would mean the relationship is over unless they seek treatment immediately.
I think it depends on the circumstance. Snooping because your partner got a "Merry Christmas" message on his Facebook wall, versus because your partner has been talking to you less and a woman sends him an "I love you" post on his Facebook wall. The former is less reasonable, the latter can justify insecurity that leads to it.
I invite my husband to snoop on me anytime he feels like it. He has full access to my cell, Facebook and CD. I don't consider it snooping. I have a friend that trusted her husband with the finances and had no clue what was going on. He not only ruined them financially but was cheating on her as well. I have another friend that checked her husbands cell and found him in the early stages of soliciting for a prostitute girl friend experience. They were able to go to marriage counseling and work it out before he entered the point of no return. In any partnership everything should be on the table in plain sight. I want to know exactly what I'm dealing with and I extend that same courtesy to my husband. I don't think it has anything to do with control or trust issues. There is no room for secrets and deceit in committed relationships. If you have nothing to hide then snooping is a non issue.
Snooping has no place in committed and trusting relationships.
Agree.
If he wants/needs to look at my e-mail he is more than welcome to read whatever he wants if he asks me. If he goes snooping around, hacks my password and I find out that would be very difficult to repair.
In my current relationship I have absolutely no reason to snoop. She is a great girl and I trust her 100%, but if she started acting sketchy and gave me a reason to be suspicious hell yeah I would snoop. There is no shame in my game.
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