No sex after marriage, is it a reason for divorce (girl, single)
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No, of course not. I think very, very few men would leave an ailing wife who they loved simply because she couldn't have intercourse with him. The key words here are "wife who they loved." Keep in mind too that the ill person can take on another personality which simply doesn't allow being loved -- bitter, hateful, etc., etc., etc. Dealing with illnesses can bring out the best in us, but it can also bring out the worst.
I'd like to think I'd love and want to remain with my wife through thick and thin, but if that were always the case I wouldn't have divorced my first wife. She turned into a shrew. (No sex was part of that.) I stuck with her like that for well over a decade because I loved her, but then I realized I didn't love her at all, but rather who she once was.
that is kind of sad. but I know where you are coming from. I will never leave my husband no matter how sick he becomes. Hopefully, sickness will not change a person's personality.
I'm not married yet, but I can't imagine living without my fiance. If she willingly quit having sex with me for an explainable reason I would consider divorce, but if it was because of a medical condition I don't think I could live with myself if I left her. The harder question would be whether I compromised our relationship by cheating at some point way down the road.
Now, I am thinking this. Say if a woman or a man got some disease which prevent them from having sexual intercourse with their spouses. Is it a reason enough to abandon the spouse due to lack of sex
Your thoughts please
example: chemotherapy / testicular cancer / breast cancer / etc.
so, it's not acceptable to find a surrogate sex partner?
think I saw this on a talk show years ago, a woman asked one of her lady friends to be a sex surrogate
for her hubby
For what its worth I had testicular cancer and chemotherapy, and since have had 2 kids . Even $200k of medical debt in there as well.
Huge illness and other issues like.paralysis, bring up different issues besides sex. Financial burdens, depression, personality changes all more likely to cause a change.
That's because many guys today aren't real men. A real man sticks it out with their wife even without sex because he takes his wedding vows seriously.
Mod cut: Personal attack.
I never claimed my experiences are representative of the entire population, obviously they are not. But there's been several comments made on here assuming that there are many men who would stay with and also sign up for women with these types of problems where sex will be left out of the equation for an extended period of time. Just because my experiences are not typical doesn't make them any less accurate. These people who have had the opposite experiences with men, want to shove it down everyone's throats how they are MORE accurate then what anyone else has to offer. What's ironic is many of the people shooting their mouths off, Lilac, in particular, are going off of 'endometriosis statistics' as opposed to some woman's real life actual experiences.
I know you're saying what a 'real man' should or shouldn't do, but 'should and shouldn't are always realistic.
I was actually in this situation when I was married. My wife had a condition that needed surgery, and we couldn't have sex for over a year. We were in our 20's as well. But it never even crossed my mind to leave her or cheat on her. We just improvised and did what we could to settle our urges. Was it tough, sure was. But, my main concern was her, and making sure that she was ok. She would be miserable that she couldn't in her words do her wifely duties, and would cry a lot and think she was a bad wife, but I never thought that at the time. I knew this was affecting her way more than anything could affect me. After all she was the one going throgh the pain, and on top of that feeling bad that she couldn't have sex with me. No way I could have left her or anything, we went through it together and did the best we could, and I think that's the way marriage should be.
I was actually in this situation when I was married. My wife had a condition that needed surgery, and we couldn't have sex for over a year. We were in our 20's as well. But it never even crossed my mind to leave her or cheat on her. We just improvised and did what we could to settle our urges. Was it tough, sure was. But, my main concern was her, and making sure that she was ok. She would be miserable that she couldn't in her words do her wifely duties, and would cry a lot and think she was a bad wife, but I never thought that at the time. I knew this was affecting her way more than anything could affect me. After all she was the one going throgh the pain, and on top of that feeling bad that she couldn't have sex with me. No way I could have left her or anything, we went through it together and did the best we could, and I think that's the way marriage should be.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Raptor76
I was actually in this situation when I was married. My wife had a condition that needed surgery, and we couldn't have sex for over a year. We were in our 20's as well. But it never even crossed my mind to leave her or cheat on her. We just improvised and did what we could to settle our urges. Was it tough, sure was. But, my main concern was her, and making sure that she was ok. She would be miserable that she couldn't in her words do her wifely duties, and would cry a lot and think she was a bad wife, but I never thought that at the time. I knew this was affecting her way more than anything could affect me. After all she was the one going throgh the pain, and on top of that feeling bad that she couldn't have sex with me. No way I could have left her or anything, we went through it together and did the best we could, and I think that's the way marriage should be.
Raptor, with all due respect, your situation was slightly different than the context of the OP. You had a set timeframe for no sex which was not a terribly long one at all. BTW, I highly commend you for seeing that situation out. The context of the OP is more permanent as in never again. I think that is a question of much more gravity and requires much more painful thought than one year.
Like I said, with all due respect and I commend you on how you conducted yourself in that situation.
Last edited by The Dissenter; 02-07-2013 at 07:40 AM..
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. Even $200k of medical debt in there as well.
