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Old 02-06-2013, 07:02 AM
 
Location: apparently NeverLand
218 posts, read 404,196 times
Reputation: 317

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Good Morning everyone,

I'm probably posting in the wrong place, but oh well. I have had something terrible happen and I'm not sure what to do....

I found out I was pregnant a few weeks ago. I wanted to tell my SO in person so I have been waiting for him to come visit since we are in a LDR. I was actually starting to get excited. I know that it will be hard since we don't live near each other right now, but that will be changing in four months. I make enough to be able to support myself and a baby so that wouldn't be an issue. I had a cute way of telling him that he was going to be a Daddy. We've talked about what if we get pregnant and we both would be nervous and scarred, but happy because the baby would be so incredibly loved.

I had a miscarriage before I was able to tell him that we were going to be parents. (I went to the doctor and she confirmed it.) I've been really upset about it and haven't really talked to him since it happened a few days ago. I told him not to come up this weekend because I just can't deal with everything right now, I'm coming out of my shock and experiencing every emotion,even ones that I didn't know I could feel.

Should I tell him? Would it be selfish of me to cause him pain by telling him? Guys, would you want to know? Ladies, would you tell your SO?
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Old 02-06-2013, 07:15 AM
 
Location: The Hall of Justice
25,906 posts, read 36,355,510 times
Reputation: 42509
I would. You are suffering and he will want to know what is bothering you. If you care for him enough to want to have his child, you need to be able to tell him something like this. The loss may hurt him, but a person who cares for you will bear it with you.
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Old 02-06-2013, 07:15 AM
 
Location: in your dreams
10,890 posts, read 13,565,415 times
Reputation: 15338
Quote:
Originally Posted by southernbelle20
I just can't deal with everything right now, I'm coming out of my shock and experiencing every emotion,even ones that I didn't know I could feel.

First off, I'm very sorry for your loss. What you are going through is natural & will take some time...

Tell him. If he knows you well enough, he will know something is wrong.
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Old 02-06-2013, 07:20 AM
 
Location: Chicago
38,690 posts, read 89,243,749 times
Reputation: 29451
You should be able to share a burden like this with tour SO. If he's good enough to share the fun of getting you pregnant, he damn well better be good enough to share the burdens that come with it.
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Old 02-06-2013, 07:27 AM
 
Location: apparently NeverLand
218 posts, read 404,196 times
Reputation: 317
Will it change our relationship? I know that having a baby would've changed it too, but I think that it would have been good. This, I'm afraid, will be a bad change.
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Old 02-06-2013, 07:32 AM
 
4,228 posts, read 6,166,031 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by southernbelle20 View Post
Will it change our relationship? I know that having a baby would've changed it too, but I think that it would have been good. This, I'm afraid, will be a bad change.
Does he want a family? I could understand his concern if you miscarried and he wants kids. How old are you?
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Old 02-06-2013, 07:38 AM
 
Location: apparently NeverLand
218 posts, read 404,196 times
Reputation: 317
We both want a family. Right now would not have been the ideal time to start a family, but we would make it work. He is 22 and I am 21.
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Old 02-06-2013, 07:42 AM
 
4,228 posts, read 6,166,031 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by southernbelle20 View Post
We both want a family. Right now would not have been the ideal time to start a family, but we would make it work. He is 22 and I am 21.
May want to get some tests done to see if there is an infertility issue going on here. I would go to your OBGYN and talk with them about it. Also, are you on birth control? I know many types of birth control can lead to infertility and increase your chances of miscarriage. Something to think about.
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Old 02-06-2013, 07:51 AM
 
Location: apparently NeverLand
218 posts, read 404,196 times
Reputation: 317
Quote:
Originally Posted by findly185 View Post
May want to get some tests done to see if there is an infertility issue going on here. I would go to your OBGYN and talk with them about it. Also, are you on birth control? I know many types of birth control can lead to infertility and increase your chances of miscarriage. Something to think about.

I had not thought about the BC leading to infertility. I guess at some point later in my life I will need to check into that. Just not right now..but that's certainly something to look in to for the future.
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Old 02-06-2013, 07:51 AM
 
5,483 posts, read 6,384,794 times
Reputation: 5793
IMO, you have a resp0onsibility to tell him, and as a guy I definitely would have liked to know. If my girl ever hid something like that from me, Id walk the very minute i found out. You guys are so very young, have a whole lifetime ahead of you, so youll have plenty of time to start a family if thats what you choose. Be honest and open. You know he was involved in the pregnancy, so you should definitely talk to him about it, good or bad.
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