Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
26,699 posts, read 41,733,093 times
Reputation: 41381
Advertisements
Well, I have made it no secret here that I am a virgin. Recently, I met a girl who I went out on a couple of dates with. We agreed that we weren't good for a relationship together but she wanted to be a FWB with me. So I went over to her place to start the "friendship." I ran into a little trouble and could not "get out the blocks." Now I did get her to a "desired destination", just not with the part of the body that would allow me to drop the title of virgin.
I really think my body was trying to tell me something. I had been really questioning was this how I wanted my virginity to go out, to a girl who only considered me good for a FWB? I can assure you I don't have much trouble "getting out the blocks" other times as a 24 year old guy. I think that if the setting had been a girl I actually had romantic feelings for or super hot I would have not had much trouble.
Sex has a lot to do with what is going through your brain. If you are conflicted about having sex, it can definitely have an impact on your ability to do so.
So, yes, your body/brain was telling you something. The larger question is what to do about it. Why do you have sexual reservations?
It was probabably just nerves. You are building up the idea of your virginity to romantic and unrealistic heights. To go into an intimate situation with a personal goal is a recipe for disaster. Just go with the flow, shut off your mind, focus on sensation and let nature take over.
Maybe in your case you need to be in love to be able to do that...
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
26,699 posts, read 41,733,093 times
Reputation: 41381
Quote:
Originally Posted by fishbrains
Sex has a lot to do with what is going through your brain. If you are conflicted about having sex, it can definitely have an impact on your ability to do so.
So, yes, your body/brain was telling you something. The larger question is what to do about it. Why do you have sexual reservations?
A few possible factors:
- I wasn't that physically attracted to the girl.
- I was brought up in the church meaning no sex until marriage. (I obviously don't believe that now but still it felt like I was doing something somewhat wrong.)
- I felt like I was using her for only my enjoyment instead of our fulfillment in a budding relationship.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
26,699 posts, read 41,733,093 times
Reputation: 41381
Quote:
Originally Posted by zentropa
It was probabably just nerves. You are building up the idea of your virginity to romantic and unrealistic heights. To go into an intimate situation with a personal goal is a recipe for disaster. Just go with the flow, shut off your mind, focus on sensation and let nature take over.
Maybe in your case you need to be in love to be able to do that...
That is what I REALLY tried to do. Obviously that didn't work.
I really think your last sentence is true. I have made a bravado about having meaningless sex before, the trouble is I was never in that situation but now I just feel like sex should be more than doing it with a random person. Ideally I'd like my first time to be with someone I take joy in seeing fulfilled not a FWB. I think I know what I should do to proceed.
- I wasn't that physically attracted to the girl.
- I was brought up in the church meaning no sex until marriage. (I obviously don't believe that now but still it felt like I was doing something somewhat wrong.)
- I felt like I was using her for only my enjoyment instead of our fulfillment in a budding relationship.
I think you should try a few more times and see what happens.
Inexperienced guys or virgins, often get entirely too nervous when it comes to sex. You really have to relax your mind and your body and just let it naturaly happen. Same thing happen to me when i lost my virginity at 16 but its because i was entirely too nervous about it. If you really have to, think about something completely different than sex, like what youre going to have for dinner later that evening and how youre going to cook it. Many guys deal with the same thing early on.
That is what I REALLY tried to do. Obviously that didn't work.
I really think your last sentence is true. I have made a bravado about having meaningless sex before, the trouble is I was never in that situation but now I just feel like sex should be more than doing it with a random person. Ideally I'd like my first time to be with someone I take joy in seeing fulfilled not a FWB. I think I know what I should do to proceed.
But this wasn't a random person, this was a person you considered a trusted friend, hence the FWB, right?
My FWB were all people I cared about so intimacy was easy.
Drop the fwb and find someone you actually care about as being significant, where you have no reservations about being romantic with and won't make you feel cheap. Sex is a lot better and more meaningful that way anyway.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
26,699 posts, read 41,733,093 times
Reputation: 41381
Quote:
Originally Posted by zentropa
But this wasn't a random person, this was a person you considered a trusted friend, hence the FWB, right?
My FWB were all people I cared about so intimacy was easy.
I don't think "trusted" friend. I met her two weeks ago online and had a couple of live dates. I think that may be my problem, I really don't know her that well.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
