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Hello all
So, background on my girlfriend and me: I'm 22 she's 23. We met two years ago and were together for 5 months before I left to stay abroad for a year. We did not commit to anything in particular but halfway through my stay it started to become clearer that we wanted to be together. We didn't say so explicitly but we got together when I got back. We really like each other (love, maybe, but I don't tend to use strong words) She admires me and she's very committed.
My girlfriend has many guy friends from way back. (Like a group of friends, they all know each other) They're really cool and also definitely not a threat.
Anyway, this Friday my girlfriend was at a party. She called me yesterday at told me about the party and this guy who really seems to share her passions. He's a dancer, in his early 30's I think. They're going to watch a ballet together that she has previously talked about wanting to see - apparently he can get them in for free.
She also told me that I shouldn't worry and she told the guy that we're together.
Now obviously I'm jealous. I'm seeing her tonight and I plan to tell her I have an issue with this. I'm not sure how to put it though - I'm not even sure where I stand on the issue. I'm not sure if she's already out of line or it's just a situation to be alert of. So basically this is what I'm asking - would this normally be considered respectful behaviour?
Thanks!
If neither of you committed to anything in particular, and if said nothing was said explicitly, then how could she possibly be "out of line?"
You sound like a lot of young guys who, when you get right down to it, want to keep their options open but expect their women to be faithful and monogamous. It doesn't work that way.
Be explicit. Have the conversation. Agree on what the terms of your relationship are. Only then will you have any ground to stand on if she does something to violate your trust.
I'm sure he is interesting. You're going to have to trust her, though. There will always be attractive others in both of your lives.
No, it is not being disrespectful, especially if she's already told him about you.
It's okay to tell her you feel a little uncomfortable with it, but it's much more relationship affirming to allow her to go without a guilt trip. She'll know you are confident in her and yourself.
There's a good chance it will all be ok. He might even be gay or in a relationship already.
If neither of you committed to anything in particular, and if said nothing was said explicitly, then how could she possibly be "out of line?"
You sound like a lot of young guys who, when you get right down to it, want to keep their options open but expect their women to be faithful and monogamous. It doesn't work that way.
Be explicit. Have the conversation. Agree on what the terms of your relationship are. Only then will you have any ground to stand on if she does something to violate your trust.
Regarding whether we're actually in a relationship or not, we most definitely are. My formulation was probably not quite clear. We've been a couple for half a year, that is, since I came back from abroad. The not committing part was while I was abroad, we had only known each other for 5 months when I had to leave.
I suggest you back off. If this became something which happened all the time then you might have something to worry about but, given the nature of this outing and the explanation which has already been given to you, you're going to come across as possessive and insecure if you make it a cause celebre. Her "date" could be gay for all you know. Get some trust going and, sorry, grow up!
since u and your girlfriend are in an exclusive relationship where u guys are only dating each other and are committed to that then i think u have every right to speak with her regarding your feelings on this matter. her and the guy going to a ballet sounds like a date. even if they arent labeling it as one, c'mon, its alone time that they will be spending together. maybe your girlfriend wants to meet people who will be just friends and all and thats great but..
she just met him.
she doesnt know this guys intentions- what if.. she gave him the wrong impression.. her telling him that she has a boyfriend, (if she really did) and her STILL going with him to a ballet.
she may think its all innocent and shes just looking for a friend but his motives and what he is looking for could be all different.
i think in this situation u have every rite to tell her that while u trust her and her judgement, she is still your girlfriend and u are a little uncomfortable about her going out with some guy she just met. one of the many reasons to be uncomfortable is the safety issue. she doesnt really know him.
what about u asking her if she has a friend that can go with her and that u can accompany her as well? it will be the 4 of you guys, and u tell her that u are suggesting this as a way for the guy not only to understand that u just want to be friends and not give the wrong impression of a "date" ..
..but also she just met him and nobody really knows him and this will be a great way to get to know him so later on when its only her and that guy wanting to go somewhere, u will feel more comfortable with that arrangement on so many levels. ...
if she starts getting mad at you or saying that your jealous blah blah blah, then u ask her " reverse the roles, if i met a girl at a party, and i told you that me and her are going out together, only us, , how would u feel? " and then u say "what if u came to me and told me that u feel uncomfortable about it and i STILL went on this date with this girl alone? how would u feel then? "
then if she doesnt budge or feel any compassion for you or your feelings then u tell her that its obvious that your feelings mean nothing to her and if its like this now, u would hate to see the way it would be 10 yrs from now and then thats up to u decide right then and there if u want to break up with her or not.
Hello all
So, background on my girlfriend and me: I'm 22 she's 23. We met two years ago and were together for 5 months before I left to stay abroad for a year. We did not commit to anything in particular but halfway through my stay it started to become clearer that we wanted to be together. We didn't say so explicitly but we got together when I got back. We really like each other (love, maybe, but I don't tend to use strong words) She admires me and she's very committed.
My girlfriend has many guy friends from way back. (Like a group of friends, they all know each other) They're really cool and also definitely not a threat.
Anyway, this Friday my girlfriend was at a party. She called me yesterday at told me about the party and this guy who really seems to share her passions. He's a dancer, in his early 30's I think. They're going to watch a ballet together that she has previously talked about wanting to see - apparently he can get them in for free.
She also told me that I shouldn't worry and she told the guy that we're together.
Now obviously I'm jealous. I'm seeing her tonight and I plan to tell her I have an issue with this. I'm not sure how to put it though - I'm not even sure where I stand on the issue. I'm not sure if she's already out of line or it's just a situation to be alert of. So basically this is what I'm asking - would this normally be considered respectful behavior?
Thanks!
If you are in a relationship then I would speak up and have your opinion heard.
But something else comes to mind. This guy is a dancer and they are going to Ballot. There is a chance that she feels comfortable going with him as he might not be interested in girls if you know what I mean...
Hello all
So, background on my girlfriend and me: I'm 22 she's 23. We met two years ago and were together for 5 months before I left to stay abroad for a year. We did not commit to anything in particular but halfway through my stay it started to become clearer that we wanted to be together. We didn't say so explicitly but we got together when I got back. We really like each other (love, maybe, but I don't tend to use strong words) She admires me and she's very committed.
My girlfriend has many guy friends from way back. (Like a group of friends, they all know each other) They're really cool and also definitely not a threat.
Anyway, this Friday my girlfriend was at a party. She called me yesterday at told me about the party and this guy who really seems to share her passions. He's a dancer, in his early 30's I think. They're going to watch a ballet together that she has previously talked about wanting to see - apparently he can get them in for free.
She also told me that I shouldn't worry and she told the guy that we're together.
Now obviously I'm jealous. I'm seeing her tonight and I plan to tell her I have an issue with this. I'm not sure how to put it though - I'm not even sure where I stand on the issue. I'm not sure if she's already out of line or it's just a situation to be alert of. So basically this is what I'm asking - would this normally be considered respectful behaviour?
Thanks!
If you trust her, I don't see why you can't let her enjoy her ballet show. It's not like she was secretive about it. Even telling you details how she get to go for free. My husband went skiing today by himself in WI! He will be gone the whole day. I made him sure I was not happy about it. But I also won't make him not go. Even if I want to he said he HAVE to since he already paid for it.
But these things do come up in relationships sometimes you don't need to ALWAYS do things together. I trust my husband. Do you trust your GF?
If you trust her, I don't see why you can't let her enjoy her ballet show. It's not like she was secretive about it. Even telling you details how she get to go for free. My husband went skiing today by himself in WI! He will be gone the whole day. I made him sure I was not happy about it. But I also won't make him not go. Even if I want to he said he HAVE to since he already paid for it.
But these things do come up in relationships sometimes you don't need to ALWAYS do things together. I trust my husband. Do you trust your GF?
not that black and white... would most woman like it if he went to a show with a beautiful co-worker?
Hello all
So, background on my girlfriend and me: I'm 22 she's 23. We met two years ago and were together for 5 months before I left to stay abroad for a year. We did not commit to anything in particular but halfway through my stay it started to become clearer that we wanted to be together. We didn't say so explicitly but we got together when I got back. We really like each other (love, maybe, but I don't tend to use strong words) She admires me and she's very committed.
My girlfriend has many guy friends from way back. (Like a group of friends, they all know each other) They're really cool and also definitely not a threat.
Anyway, this Friday my girlfriend was at a party. She called me yesterday at told me about the party and this guy who really seems to share her passions. He's a dancer, in his early 30's I think. They're going to watch a ballet together that she has previously talked about wanting to see - apparently he can get them in for free.
She also told me that I shouldn't worry and she told the guy that we're together.
Now obviously I'm jealous. I'm seeing her tonight and I plan to tell her I have an issue with this. I'm not sure how to put it though - I'm not even sure where I stand on the issue. I'm not sure if she's already out of line or it's just a situation to be alert of. So basically this is what I'm asking - would this normally be considered respectful behaviour?
Thanks!
A dancer? lol Why don't you meet the guy before you start throwing out ultimatums. See if he's really a threat. If he is, just start taking your girl out to ballets if that's what she likes.
You should talk to her about it, but let her make her mind whether she goes or not. If you try to pressure her not to go, you're being controlling. However, if you let her know that you're a little bit wary of the idea, express your feelings and let her make up her own mind, you're being reasonable. Put the shoe on the other foot. Would she be comfortable with you going on out one-on-one with another woman?
^^^
This.
Since she told you there's nothing to worry about and the fact that she has already told this 30something guy that she is in a committed relationship leads me to believe that she'll understand where you're coming from with regard to your feelings about her going out one-on-one with this guy. But, if she has an issue with your feelings, then that would be a little red flag to consider. Or, she can suggest that YOU come along with them to the ballet recital. Why not, right? That would make you feel more comfortable; she can enjoy YOUR company and doing this would also let the other guy know for sure where HE stands - just in case he has other ideas or has an ulterior motive.
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He will be gone the whole day. I made him sure I was not happy about it. But I also won't make him not go. Even if I want to he said he HAVE to since he already paid for it. 
But, if she has an issue with your feelings, then that would be a little red flag to consider. Or, she can suggest that YOU come along with them to the ballet recital. Why not, right? That would make you feel more comfortable; she can enjoy YOUR company and doing this would also let the other guy know for sure where HE stands - just in case he has other ideas or has an ulterior motive.
