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Old 02-14-2013, 10:08 PM
 
262 posts, read 259,561 times
Reputation: 204
Unhappy How often should people talk in relationships?

I might have asked this question before, but I am really obsessed with this question. I think about it all the time, especially when there is awkward silence between my guy friend and I. I do like him more than a friend, but I don't know if we could ever have a relationship because I can be quiet at times. He can't do all the work when it comes to talking! Sure, I know there are other qualities besides how much a person talks when it comes to dating, but talking and communication is essential when having a successful relationship.

When I see people in relationships or possible relationships, I see them talking in the car, talking on the nature trails, talking at the restaurant, talking in movie theatres. How often do people need to talk! How can you find so much to talk about constantly!

I like him a lot but that is the main thing I am worried about. Help.
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Old 02-14-2013, 10:21 PM
Status: "It's not about good vs bad, it's about true or false." (set 8 days ago)
 
8,915 posts, read 2,444,052 times
Reputation: 2040
Quote:
Originally Posted by Beilua Rose View Post
I might have asked this question before, but I am really obsessed with this question. I think about it all the time, especially when there is awkward silence between my guy friend and I. I do like him more than a friend, but I don't know if we could ever have a relationship because I can be quiet at times. He can't do all the work when it comes to talking! Sure, I know there are other qualities besides how much a person talks when it comes to dating, but talking and communication is essential when having a successful relationship.

When I see people in relationships or possible relationships, I see them talking in the car, talking on the nature trails, talking at the restaurant, talking in movie theatres. How often do people need to talk! How can you find so much to talk about constantly!

I like him a lot but that is the main thing I am worried about. Help.
Does he know you like him? Seems like that could be something to talk about. Usually though, people aren't always having serious talks. Sometimes it's just what their day was like, random thoughts, jokes, asking what their thoughts are, flirting, joking around, etc, etc. And honestly, talking is sometimes overrated, the last thing I ever want to hear from my gf is "we need to talk" nothing good can come from those 4 words.

Just keep it simple. A guy is just a guy.
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Old 02-14-2013, 10:31 PM
 
262 posts, read 259,561 times
Reputation: 204
Yeah, we joke around a lot. I guess I can say whatever pops into my mind.. idk. I sometimes feel like I should say more but maybe I am just around people who talk a lot so I am trying to talk as much as they do..
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Old 02-14-2013, 10:32 PM
J24
 
Location: Portland, OR
227 posts, read 143,429 times
Reputation: 145
Silence isn't always a bad thing. It's only an "awkward silence" if you make it awkward. If you have a problem in general with talking, then that's something you'd just have to either live with or work on, that'd be up to you. In a relationship though, you'll find plenty to talk about. There will be times where it's silent though, and that's okay.
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Old 02-15-2013, 02:16 AM
 
2,027 posts, read 706,300 times
Reputation: 2128
Quote:
Originally Posted by Beilua Rose View Post
When I see people in relationships or possible relationships, I see them talking in the car, talking on the nature trails, talking at the restaurant, talking in movie theatres. How often do people need to talk! How can you find so much to talk about constantly!
My relationship is more complex than that of most people and hence on going and constant and open communication is indispensible. I do not think we could have maintained an odd relationship like ours without this for so long.

Worth pointing out however that the people you see talking might not talk "constantly" or all the time like you think. You may be seeing people who are having their first chance to "catch up" and talk in a long time and they have much to say. By wary of extrapolating from one sighting of a couple that they act that way all the rest of the time too.
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Old 02-15-2013, 03:01 AM
 
10,377 posts, read 10,126,479 times
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talking is over-rated, too much talking can be annoying..

learn that silence,,,doesnt mean you are boring, doesnt mean you have to keep talking, doesnt mean "something is wrong"

some woman are high strung, and you cant shut em up or mute them.....thats why men lose there hearing first.

just remember actions speak louder than words..
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Old 02-15-2013, 05:01 AM
 
635 posts, read 156,844 times
Reputation: 394
Quote:
Originally Posted by mainebrokerman View Post
talking is over-rated, too much talking can be annoying..

learn that silence,,,doesnt mean you are boring, doesnt mean you have to keep talking, doesnt mean "something is wrong"

some woman are high strung, and you cant shut em up or mute them.....thats why men lose there hearing first.

just remember actions speak louder than words..
I concur! Me and my husband has same shy/timid personality. We both express ourselves better in writing. In fact our best 'talks' was when we were still dating and our main communications are IMs/texts. LOL.

I pretty much do most of talking when we eat out or in. Most of the time though there's always silence between us. We just both are not really chatty. It's fine by me.

Because our actions speak louder than words indeed which I honestly prefer.
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Old 02-15-2013, 05:24 AM
 
Location: FL
1,717 posts, read 1,148,598 times
Reputation: 1772
The less talking the better. An acknowledgement of requests made by me or suggestions to make me more comfortable are really all that's necessary, anything else and the TV volume goes up.
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Old 02-15-2013, 05:30 AM
 
17,577 posts, read 16,361,673 times
Reputation: 17230
Everyone is different. Some people are talkers, some aren't. I can talk my head off
around some people. But other times, I'm totally the opposite. In the car, driving? I can go hours without a word. My BF is the same way. My son is too. My mom? Talk talk talk talk talk all friggin' day long. My dad? Hardly says a word.
Totally depends on the person. But I would say that my BF and I are pretty well matched in the talk department. We are both fairly "quiet" people.
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Old 02-15-2013, 05:31 AM
 
Location: Colorado (PA at heart)
5,190 posts, read 6,159,424 times
Reputation: 5973
Quote:
Originally Posted by Beilua Rose View Post
I might have asked this question before, but I am really obsessed with this question. I think about it all the time, especially when there is awkward silence between my guy friend and I. I do like him more than a friend, but I don't know if we could ever have a relationship because I can be quiet at times. He can't do all the work when it comes to talking! Sure, I know there are other qualities besides how much a person talks when it comes to dating, but talking and communication is essential when having a successful relationship.

When I see people in relationships or possible relationships, I see them talking in the car, talking on the nature trails, talking at the restaurant, talking in movie theatres. How often do people need to talk! How can you find so much to talk about constantly!

I like him a lot but that is the main thing I am worried about. Help.
First, stop comparing yourself to other couples. "Normal is what works for YOU" is what Dr Phil says and I totally agree. It doesn't matter how much other couples talk, it only matters if you both are comfortable and happy with how much you talk to each other.

Secondly, I don't know any couple who incessantly talk ALL the time. How is that even possible? I find it much more comforting to know that my husband and I can sit together and enjoy each other's company without feeling the need to fill it with constant conversation. Of course we talk but only when we have things to talk about, which is certainly not every waking moment we spend together.
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