Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
The most likely reason that she told you to call her was that she really didn't want to come out and hurt your feelings. It's much easier to not answer a phone than to type out a possibly-hurtful rejection. Men and women both tend to do this...it's unfortunately human nature.
If you want to be sure, simply drop her a text or email, tell her you tried to get in touch but got no response. Provide your phone number, and tell her to give you a call if she would still like to talk. And then forget about it.
1. I don't disagree with anything you wrote, but internet dating is such a waste of time for most people I am trying to apply more of a sales approach to things. Sales and networking is based on familiarity and getting to know each other over a series of interractions. I am also trying to change things up a little because of the realities of attempting to date in this way at my age. You only get real chemistry through face time. I don't want to come across as desperate (I'm not). I'm just trying to see if this approach might have some merit.
2. A lot of talk on these kinds of boards about shyness, social anxiety and things like that. In fact, didn't the whole PUA community get created just because of that? I figure if you're a single woman in your late 30's, you might have something like that going on and I'm trying to explore if there's a way to break through that.
I hate to keep talking like a sales guy, but that's kind of what this process boils down to ... mining leads and trying to figure out different ways to appeal to your sales prospects.
Well, it sounds like your sales and networking approach are hitting a dead end on this lead.
Also, despite what others say, lots of the PUA theory is on the money yet there is also a lot of junk out there too. So guys gotta adopt and customize it to meet their needs, along with testing their game (approach) and making adjustments. IMO, it's a long learning process but you have to stay committed to improving your game, and what works for others may not work for you.
The most likely reason that she told you to call her was that she really didn't want to come out and hurt your feelings. It's much easier to not answer a phone than to type out a possibly-hurtful rejection. Men and women both tend to do this...it's unfortunately human nature.
If you want to be sure, simply drop her a text or email, tell her you tried to get in touch but got no response. Provide your phone number, and tell her to give you a call if she would still like to talk. And then forget about it.
I get that, but it's even easier to just let the emails go dead and not even give a phone number in the first place. I'm okay with no connection in the first instance, it's the second instance that has me scratching my head. After the second email asking her if she still wanted to talk, if there is no interest you just don't answer back.
Sorry bud, but you are basically getting the run around. Online dating is full of options. For women, especially if they have kids, there could be a slew of reasons why she's not trying to initiate a meet up. One thing I learned this weekend from running into a single mom who I haven't seen since college, is that most are very guarded. They opened up once with a guy, and put their heart out on the table, to ultimately be left broken hearted. This is a good amount of the dating community. Women who have been hurt, but want to move very slow.
Very slow works well if you met through a mutual friend. At least the mutual friend can build you up to make it easier to break down her walls. Online though, she doesn't know you from Adam, so not only is she new to dating, but she's also new to the types of messages she receives. She's receiving messages from "hey sexy" to "wnt to sext?" to a very informative message that is flattering. It's a lot for women to process. Some women do well with it and some don't. Problem is everyone moves at a different pace than you do.
I'm a impatient person, so someone who wants to email back and forth and text back and forth, while not putting forth any effort to meet in person, is not worth my investment. I completely understand that making time is difficult, but I think a lot of the slow movement is from women that really aren't ready to pursue a relationship. They like talking to a bunch of different guys, but they aren't interested in putting their feelings out there. So a dinner here or a coffee here is fine, but I would imagine there's only a select few guys that would accept only that. I would imagine most men are online to either get easy women or actually pursue a relationship. Making new female friends is usually not what we get online for.
Well, it sounds like your sales and networking approach are hitting a dead end on this lead.
Also, despite what others say, lots of the PUA theory is on the money yet there is also a lot of junk out there too. So guys gotta adopt and customize it to meet their needs, along with testing their game (approach) and making adjustments. IMO, it's a long learning process but you have to stay committed to improving your game, and what works for others may not work for you.
LOL! Yeah, but you know in the commercial real estate business sometimes you talk to people for years before you get a sale, and that's when you get your $50,000 commission check. I'm not on the sales side of commercial real estate, but I've been around the purchasing side enough to know how this all works. Maybe that's what has warped my attitude about dating.
I agree with everything you say about PUA theory, especially the part about customizing it to fit your needs. A lot of it has merit, and a lot of it is crap. Most of it I see as just be yourself, be confident about it and make no apologies for it.
My one small point of disagreement with you has to do with the whole making yourself too available/not coming across as too desperate line of thinking. I think that more has to do with where you're coming from mentally. If you are approaching this from a position of weakness, i.e. so desperate to get a date that you will do anything to get one and take any crap that is shoveled your way, then that does indeed mark you as a loser.
However, when you try to accommodate people's quirks and give them a chance from the position of strength, I don't know if that's so awful. Not that it's going to improve your success rate, but it's also not as pathetic as the PUA types make it sound.
Sorry bud, but you are basically getting the run around. Online dating is full of options. For women, especially if they have kids, there could be a slew of reasons why she's not trying to initiate a meet up. One thing I learned this weekend from running into a single mom who I haven't seen since college, is that most are very guarded. They opened up once with a guy, and put their heart out on the table, to ultimately be left broken hearted. This is a good amount of the dating community. Women who have been hurt, but want to move very slow.
Very slow works well if you met through a mutual friend. At least the mutual friend can build you up to make it easier to break down her walls. Online though, she doesn't know you from Adam, so not only is she new to dating, but she's also new to the types of messages she receives. She's receiving messages from "hey sexy" to "wnt to sext?" to a very informative message that is flattering. It's a lot for women to process. Some women do well with it and some don't. Problem is everyone moves at a different pace than you do.
I'm a impatient person, so someone who wants to email back and forth and text back and forth, while not putting forth any effort to meet in person, is not worth my investment. I completely understand that making time is difficult, but I think a lot of the slow movement is from women that really aren't ready to pursue a relationship. They like talking to a bunch of different guys, but they aren't interested in putting their feelings out there. So a dinner here or a coffee here is fine, but I would imagine there's only a select few guys that would accept only that. I would imagine most men are online to either get easy women or actually pursue a relationship. Making new female friends is usually not what we get online for.
In hindsight, she wanted to text but since I didn't have the ability to text until just last week (just got my new phone), I wanted to move it to voice right away for the same reason you state. Maybe she wasn't ready for it or lost interest.
Call me nuts, but I'm not very good with the deep and personal thing right away. I think it's superficial and phony. To me that stuff builds over time. I want to meet, have a few laughs and if the conversation flows in my experience the other stuff falls into place organically. At least that's the way I do things.
I know this is probably a waste of time, but how many stories have you heard where someone takes the time to make a little bit of extra effort and is greatly rewarded? That's the only purpose of this question ... I already had a few dates last month and a promising one on Thursday so this is not coming from a position of desperation.
Online, I've only garnered one relationship, while I did go out on probably 10 different dates total. With a lot of them we both just ended up not being compatible romantically. For instance, the date would go well, but I would have no desire to kiss them or even hold their hand. It was much more of we are just better off as friends. I've also been on the other side where I liked them, but they didn't feel the same way about me.
For two people to meet, and connect, online is a difficult task. For many, it's a juggling act.
I agree with everything you say about PUA theory, especially the part about customizing it to fit your needs. A lot of it has merit, and a lot of it is crap. Most of it I see as just be yourself, be confident about it and make no apologies for it.
My one small point of disagreement with you has to do with the whole making yourself too available/not coming across as too desperate line of thinking. I think that more has to do with where you're coming from mentally. If you are approaching this from a position of weakness, i.e. so desperate to get a date that you will do anything to get one and take any crap that is shoveled your way, then that does indeed mark you as a loser.
However, when you try to accommodate people's quirks and give them a chance from the position of strength, I don't know if that's so awful. Not that it's going to improve your success rate, but it's also not as pathetic as the PUA types make it sound.
If you are familiar with some of the PUA material, then I'm sure you understand the mindset of you becoming someone women want to meet/be with, such as becoming your "best" self (from head-to-toe and building both inner and outer game). And being "hot" means having lots of suitors who want to be with you and, therefore, you have more options to choice from, which includes being more selective in making those choices.
By the way women can instinctively read a man's level of dating experience and experience with other women in general just by observing and making small talk with a guy. They are just smarter and better then men when it comes to the dating game because they focus on it intensely, huddle about it with other women, always tweaking their appearance, and for many years, just like men focus on work, career, and watching sports.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
