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Old 02-18-2013, 11:54 AM
 
Location: Moose Jaw, in between the Moose's butt and nose.
4,969 posts, read 7,330,511 times
Reputation: 1722

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I'm not sure if this belongs in this forum, but, I don't feel that it for sure doesn't belong in it, since, relationships can be tied in with where one lives or doesn't live.
What was your clear sign?
Finding someone in another town?
Not finding someone, for a while, in your town?
Too far away from family?
Job offer in a different place?
String of repeated bad luck?
Loneliness?
Just a desire to live where you really want to?

I just think, in spite of all the attributes, I have (somewhat athletic, look young for my age, educated, drug free, basically alcohol free, social drinker at best), my inability to find a LTR where I am at, is a strong sign, that maybe I'm not meant to be out where I am, I don't know?

I don't have any family, 1st cousins and up, even close to me (400 miles or less driving, possible to drive to and from, if nothing else for weekend trips).

Feel free, if you care and have wondered the same thing at a point in your life, your feedback. The points about going places to find that special person, well, I am aware of that (community activities, night classes, not meeting them in bars on the weekends, etc). However, after a while, when you're getting your arse kicked about finding the right one, is that the man upstairs, saying, I won't let you find the one in your area, since, that means you'll stay out here forever and that's not what I want for you?
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Old 02-18-2013, 12:07 PM
 
10 posts, read 10,268 times
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I think if the area you're in is small it limits dating and trying to make friends. For example, I'm from a very small town, and you either dated/married someone you went to school with, or you know or your family knows. Your friends are who you grew up with. You're pretty limited. If you don't have great friends then there really isn't anyone else. I did meet my husband in my small town and we were both unhappy living there. We wanted more. We wanted different friends, things to do, etc, just plain tired of the same people, the same routine...So we moved to a large city and we love it. We have great friends now and there's so much to do. It really made a big difference. We traveled for a year all around until we felt like we were in the right place. If you have the option to travel I would recommend it. You will find the right place and you'll know it when you do. Never settle, you only have one life so live it to the fullest.
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Old 02-18-2013, 02:06 PM
 
Location: Moose Jaw, in between the Moose's butt and nose.
4,969 posts, read 7,330,511 times
Reputation: 1722
Thanks, but I live in a major metro area, not a small town. Good advice though.
Anyone else?
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Old 02-18-2013, 02:20 PM
 
1,350 posts, read 2,475,108 times
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OP, are you sure you've done everything in your power to increase your odds of meeting someone? sometimes you have to take a hard look in the mirror to find out what it is that's holding you back. i'm not saying that this is in fact what's goin on in your case, but hear me out on this.

in my own case, it was the fact that i was severely overweight (but naively believed i still looked OK), still lived at home with my parents (i was 26 at the time) and had friends that were either 10 yrs older or just plain lame when it came to being interesting enough.

so, i moved.

however, after moving, i lost a ton of weight, made new friends and became MUCH more aggressive in pursuing - goin out a whole lot more, randomly talking to people, etc etc. needless to say, i had a lot more success. not casanova-level success by any means, but i was definitely dating a lot more.

3 years on i am now back in the same town i was in before, but i've already been getting a lot more numbers (only been a few months). however, this city, i've realized, really DOES make it a heck of a lot more work to get out and meet people. so looking back now, i realize it was a combination of my own shortcomings AND the place i lived, that had been makin it so damn hard for me to meet people.

so, try and put yourself out there more, but if it's been many years since you've had any luck, then a change of scenery might do you good. maybe it really is the place you live in that's making it hard for you - perhaps the kind of women you seek are looking for a different type of guy? i can only guess.

life's too short to sit around and wonder about what if, so if you can just pick up and move without any significant risk, i say go for it. just make sure you're not running away from yourself, tho!
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Old 02-18-2013, 02:23 PM
 
223 posts, read 169,674 times
Reputation: 442
These things tend to happen when you least expect them.

If you are what you describe, you probably already know her but she's a friend or a neighbour or a casual acquaintance or maybe you've written her off as not "hot" enough.

I don't know why people think they alone "deserve" love and a LTR, immediately, with no heartbreak or disappointments along the way.

Most people take years to find "the one" - if they find them at all. Some people have several "ones" over a lifetime.

If you are in a major metro area, it will happen, sooner or later. You just have to learn patience and to use your time to make yourself into a person others want to be with.
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Old 02-18-2013, 02:55 PM
 
14,752 posts, read 28,676,903 times
Reputation: 8781
Yes.

I consider the free wheeling irreverence of metro LA and the tri-state NYC area as a baseline for what is normal. For others, that would be insane. The less like that the metro areas I live in are, the more stressful it can be. Atlanta was not stressful because people called it how they saw it, but felt culturally different. Up the same (West) coast, the reserved nature and PC vibe changes drastically. This could also affect how happy one is in a relationship, or even how predisposed they are to one.

So while it sounds like a City thread, it's really a Relationships thread.
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Old 02-18-2013, 03:10 PM
 
13,711 posts, read 13,656,206 times
Reputation: 39965
I'm a woman who likes to wear motorcycle boots and jeans. I drive a pick-up and listen to outlaw country. I enjoy being outside and working with high-intensity dogs. I'm pragmatic and rather unpolished. Even though I'm a Jersey girl to my core, I eventually accepted it was not the place for me. So I moved West. The men in my new city seem to like me quite a bit more than the men in Jersey, and I'm finding men more to my liking here - my dating life has suddenly gotten interesting again.

Location can make a difference, imho.
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Old 02-18-2013, 03:21 PM
 
Location: North Dakota
7,770 posts, read 9,075,789 times
Reputation: 11213
Quote:
Originally Posted by beenhereandthere View Post
I'm not sure if this belongs in this forum, but, I don't feel that it for sure doesn't belong in it, since, relationships can be tied in with where one lives or doesn't live.
What was your clear sign?
Finding someone in another town?
Not finding someone, for a while, in your town?
Too far away from family?
Job offer in a different place?
String of repeated bad luck?
Loneliness?
Just a desire to live where you really want to?

I just think, in spite of all the attributes, I have (somewhat athletic, look young for my age, educated, drug free, basically alcohol free, social drinker at best), my inability to find a LTR where I am at, is a strong sign, that maybe I'm not meant to be out where I am, I don't know?

I don't have any family, 1st cousins and up, even close to me (400 miles or less driving, possible to drive to and from, if nothing else for weekend trips).

Feel free, if you care and have wondered the same thing at a point in your life, your feedback. The points about going places to find that special person, well, I am aware of that (community activities, night classes, not meeting them in bars on the weekends, etc). However, after a while, when you're getting your arse kicked about finding the right one, is that the man upstairs, saying, I won't let you find the one in your area, since, that means you'll stay out here forever and that's not what I want for you?
How long have you been in your current city? Sometimes it does take a year or two to really get to know people.
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Old 02-18-2013, 03:39 PM
 
Location: Moose Jaw, in between the Moose's butt and nose.
4,969 posts, read 7,330,511 times
Reputation: 1722
Quote:
Originally Posted by JrzDefector View Post
I'm a woman who likes to wear motorcycle boots and jeans. I drive a pick-up and listen to outlaw country. I enjoy being outside and working with high-intensity dogs. I'm pragmatic and rather unpolished. Even though I'm a Jersey girl to my core, I eventually accepted it was not the place for me. So I moved West. The men in my new city seem to like me quite a bit more than the men in Jersey, and I'm finding men more to my liking here - my dating life has suddenly gotten interesting again.

Location can make a difference, imho.
I don't have a tremendous, even though, there's still issues for sure, issue, getting dates where I live, again, tremendous issue. However, finding a special LTR, even though, I very unexpectedly, broke up with someone, that went 6 months, which maybe be a Longer Term Relationship, but not really long term, in the span of a lifetime, that is a big issue, sadly.
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Old 02-18-2013, 03:41 PM
 
Location: Moose Jaw, in between the Moose's butt and nose.
4,969 posts, read 7,330,511 times
Reputation: 1722
Quote:
Originally Posted by WyoEagle View Post
How long have you been in your current city? Sometimes it does take a year or two to really get to know people.
On and on, over 8 years (again, off and on). Most recent stop, 1.5 years.
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