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Listen OP, I hate to tell you this but she's just not that into you.
I say this because she is "busy" every night. She's not. If you were Ryan Gosling, would she be "busy" every night? Like hell.
Even if she was into you, you are probably going to turn her OFF permanently. I know this because of this question -
Are there any particular topics I should cover? As an addendum to this: should I try to 'escalate' the conversation to more 'sexual' topics at times?
I tend to agree with this. If you have to ask what's appropriate to talk about, that means you're not comfortable with yourself and what to do. That usually leads to snake eyes on a date.
But the good news is that you have an entire semester.
Go out to lunch and just go with your gut. If you keep talking to her, maybe the conversation will take off on its own and sooner or later you ask her out again? But based on my experience, I wouldn't do that right away ... let things gestate. Just talk to her like you would an acquaintance. If you want to take another shot later, do it.
The "lunch" part of the date is the least of his worries.
Students can be busy each night. I think she works as well. He has asked her out, she said yes, so they can proceed!
OP, just be yourself. If you guys are in a class together, start out talking about that. Then if she mentions different things about her life, ask about that.
At the end, if you had fun, say something like, "I'd like to take you out to dinner [or movie etc.] sometime. Can I call you?"
The "lunch" part of the date is the least of his worries.
Students can be busy each night. I think she works as well. He has asked her out, she said yes, so they can proceed!
OP, just be yourself. If you guys are in a class together, start out talking about that. Then if she mentions different things about her life, ask about that.
At the end, if you had fun, say something like, "I'd like to take you out to dinner [or movie etc.] sometime. Can I call you?"
Be prepared for her answer either way.
Only he can judge if there is a vibe there. I would approach someone from the classroom like you would approach someone from work. I think this calls for things to be taken a little slower, but that's just me. You wouldn't start humping on a coworker right away, so it probably pays to take the same approach with a classmate.
Now if they met in a social setting, different scenario altogether.
no, dude, unless I'm reading too much into your post, you got the wrong approach in mind for a newbie who is doing his first lunch date, right??? heck, it sounds like you have zero experience with dating women and are in high school, but please correct me if I am wrong.
Anyway, lunch dates are cool but just focus on finding good conversation topics to get a few chuckles. like people magazine stuff, pop culture (movies, celebrities, music, etc), you can even try to stupid knock-knock jokes just for kicks (google). goal is to have her leaving feeling she had a good time with you, so you can do it again soon. avoid doing an overly-interview style approach, e.g., where are you from, what do you like to do for fun, do you go out much, blah blah blah. I know others say people like talking about themselves, but it can be to intrusive and, most importantly, b-o-r-i-n-g. IMHO, it's the number one mistake guys make when starting to conversation with a woman.
P.S.: Drop the PUA stuff, that's usually helps dudes who at least have some experience dating.
Correct. I have zero experience dating women, but I'm in grad school.
Good to know -- sorry, been googling and the PUA forums always come up. I didn't realize a lot of the advice was that unmeritorious.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Diamonds&pearls
Listen OP, I hate to tell you this but she's just not that into you.
I say this because she is "busy" every night. She's not. If you were Ryan Gosling, would she be "busy" every night? Like hell.
. . .
I have no clue what thought processes led you to consider this as appropriate.
Thought process: googling and stumbling upon PUA forums where people discuss that. I don't want to out myself too much, so I'll stay vague: we have a lot of employer reception events this/next month and they eat into a lot of evenings. In fact, I'm going to some myself, so it's not as if all my nights this week will be free either.
You may very well be right that she's not interested. But, I don't think I'll write it off completely yet . . .
Quote:
Originally Posted by Wmsn4Life
Students can be busy each night. I think she works as well. He has asked her out, she said yes, so they can proceed!
OP, just be yourself. If you guys are in a class together, start out talking about that. Then if she mentions different things about her life, ask about that.
At the end, if you had fun, say something like, "I'd like to take you out to dinner [or movie etc.] sometime. Can I call you?"
Correct. I have zero experience dating women, but I'm in grad school.
Good to know -- sorry, been googling and the PUA forums always come up. I didn't realize a lot of the advice was that unmeritorious.
It's not that whether the advice they give is or isn't meritorious, it is more an issue of finding what fits you.
Take negging, for instance. This resonated with me because while these PUA guys were in elemetary school and when I was your age I actually used to do this naturally with my chick friends, and they absolutely loved it when I did this. But that's different: humor, quick wit, sarcasm, blurting out what other people are thinking but ashamed to say ... that's me. I'm damn good at it and damned funny around people who appreciate that too. It comes natural to me and it always has. When it comes natural to you, it works.
That's different from following something someone says in a book, where you copy what they do and then go out in a bar and start making fun of people's shoes and 50 other guys are doing the same things because they read the same books you did and come across as annoying and phoney and boring and are all the same as you are.
Unfortunately, I spent many years listening to the people who follow "The Rules" even before there were rules and switched from being a very entertaining and attractive guy in my right, to a castrated male trying to give my audience what I was told they wanted ... by talking about my cat, my nephews and what a great guy I am. In other words, I stopped doing what WORKED and listened to all this stupid crap being passed around by all these other people who don't know about this stuff any better than anybody else does.
That's what resonated with me in these books, not the phony things they suggest like negging people and doing magic tricks for them.
Bottom line: I think the big thing to get out of those books is to be yourself, but that means you have to get comfortable with yourself first, and then just be yourself. If talking about Star Trek is what interests you, then talk about it. If negging comes natural to you, then neg. But the point really is to be real. DO WHAT COMES NATURAL TO YOU.
Last edited by Beacon of Truth; 02-18-2013 at 03:59 PM..
One more thing I wanted to share: When I was in grad school, a bunch of us would regularly go out drinking on Thursdays in the afternoon after classes were over. (No classes on Fridays.) That was really the best opportunity to get to know people and be social for me.
Don't talk with your mouth full, don't put so much in you look like a hamster, don't dribble, don't stick your tongue out when your putting the food in, oh.................. and don't fall off your chair laughing if she farts.
You're over-thinking it. If you want to actually date this girl, don't follow PUA advice. Don't play games, just be yourself.
I can understand the nervousness if you're inexperienced, but honestly - don't worry about it. If she likes you, you'll know. Plus, she already agreed to meet you for lunch right? So the most difficult part is over! Meet up with her, smile, laugh, and have a good time.
I'd suggest going for a hug at the end (depending on how it goes, of course). A kiss after a first/lunch date may come across as a little too pushy.
You're over-thinking it. If you want to actually date this girl, don't follow PUA advice. Don't play games, just be yourself.
I can understand the nervousness if you're inexperienced, but honestly - don't worry about it. If she likes you, you'll know. Plus, she already agreed to meet you for lunch right? So the most difficult part is over! Meet up with her, smile, laugh, and have a good time.
I'd suggest going for a hug at the end (depending on how it goes, of course). A kiss after a first/lunch date may come across as a little too pushy.
This is great
I know you said not to follow PUA advice, but what about light kino during lunch?
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