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All my life I've been hearing the You're a nice guy and I don't want to hurt you BUT! BUT! BUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU UTTTTTTTTTTT! I don't feel the chemistry which means looks rejection.
If nobody fights for me then I have to stand up for myself.
If I can help smash the crap out of, if I can do anything to KILL! looks prejudice then I'll be married to a GOOD woman because I have everything else that women want, I have all the good qualities while women are always picking the lookers with the bad qualities which is why so many divorces.
Please rethink your looks standards because you can be very happy.
Someday God, when I get to Heaven, we will come face to face and YOU will answer to ME because of all the time wasted on Earth that I won't have back as THIS identity, all the time wasted where I could have shared life with a good wife who wasn't using me.
Yes, it meant EVERYTHING to me to have a wife and I was so much better than the garbage you granted wives to while I went alone.
We will meet and I will not walk away from You without a wife because God, you will have to kill my soul before I quit wanting a wife.
one small word of advice for these situations when you start evaluating in your head (as we all do). if you have to counter ever positive attribute with a "but" followed with something totally negative that turns you off, its not in your best interest to be seeking anything but friendship.
I'm not ready to date right now, after having gotten out of a rather difficult and very painful situation recently that I'm still dealling with...
As my luck would have it, another ex contacted me today. I was completely surprised to hear from him, as I hadn't seen/heard from him in 5 years.
Long story short, I met him via the internet several years ago. He was such a great person and I was definitely attracted to him emotionally/intellectually. I couldn't ask for a better match for myself. HOWEVER, when I first met him, I could not set aside that I was very physically NOT attracted to him. I tried my best to really allow the emotional aspect of us to really be my driving force. And for a little while, it worked. I'm not superficial in the least bit, and will never date someone solely for looks. But physically, I just couldnt...
We dated for a few weeks and as my luck would have it, he just disappeared out of thin air (I later learned he had a severe anxiety disorder that he was battling with and needed to deal with the issues surrounding that before further proceeding). He looked like this, +300lbs, +bad acne..
Now he's back, and I'm not sure what to do.
Have you ever been in this situation? How did it turn out?
You're wasting your time and his. If he doesn't pass the physical attraction test, it's a dealbreaker. "Passing" doesn't mean he has to be a "10"...but if he's a "0" or a "1" for you, then clearly he doesn't pass.
No because physical attraction has nothing to do with love..
Love is not enough to sustain a long term relationship...just as attraction isn't. It's a package deal. None of us loves unconditionally...therefore other factors inevitably come into the picture.
Had my first long term relationship of 5 years end a real hard way because of this. I was attracted to her because she was one of the few woman in my life that actually wanted wanted me and I was blinded by that, even though I wasn't attracted to her from the start, the feeling of being wanted and loved just felt so damn good and I kept up with it, even after it started to feel "not right" It wasn't until I finally realized later on I was in love with how she made me feel and not who she was. Though I did like her personality which kept me attached, I grew more withdrawn because I just didn't have chemistry when I looked at her, I honestly would have to grit my teeth to say she was beautiful, but because I didn't mean it. And I hated myself and struggled with this for 5 years, trying to figure out what to do and if somehow I would grow up and get over my terrible "grass is greener on the other side" but it just got worse, among my ocd and her panic and anxiety attacks along immature decision making and poor health choices drove me nearly to the point of utter depression and her a complete wreck. I
I eventually realized it was my fault for not ending it sooner and luckily our relationship ended for many other reasons over two years ago. It's been a very rough, strange and slow road for me to walk my way back to recovery after my first real deep relationship ended.
But one things for damn sure after going through that. I will only pursue woman that I have a definitive attraction too from the start. I will not waste my time or a gals if I don't have that spark from the start, its either there, or it isn't. I won't make that same mistake twice and I expect the woman to feel the same about me and if not, we pursue other people, simple as that. Life is to damn short, I will only compromise so much after my hard 5 year lesson.
Take it from me, don't lead him on and hurt him any more. If you don't feel the desire for him, let him go cause you never will if you never had it to begin with, he deserves better like my ex did.
I know what I want and need from a woman in the looks department for me to be happy and truthful of how I feel about her and if that makes me seem shallow to be picky, believe me, I am A-ok with that.
I just want to thank you for your very helpful posts. I'm not sure what the issue is with Garonick, but I'm asking that the remainder of posters please not feed into whatever issues he's battling with here on this thread.
I've appreciated all of your posts and encourage them to keep coming in (in case my thread gets closed *fingers crossed that it won't*).
Love is not enough to sustain a long term relationship...just as attraction isn't. It's a package deal. None of us loves unconditionally...therefore other factors inevitably come into the picture.
So it took him 5 years to get over his anxiety problems? That is kind of an issue that he just dropped out of sight that long and now he appears again. Chances are that if you were not physicallly attracted to him then that you will not be now either. You really shouldn't lead him on at all. If you feel like you would just want to be friends you could email him back and be honest and tell him that you are not looking into being in a romantic relationship with anyone right now, but would love to be his friend.
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