can you/should you ever have to convince a romantic interest to date you? (dating, boyfriends)
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everytime a guy rejects me i let go. i accept his decision to no longer engage with me romantically and turn my back on him and try to lick my wounds and heal and in time jump to another prospect. i have never tried to talk someone into not breaking up with me, or get upset at them for reaching to a conclusion about our end. i haven't ever even begged them to stay, or promised to change or try to convince them that we are perfect together.
i've seen my other friends go back and forth with their break ups a lot however. one of my friends broke up with a year long boyfriend because she said he wasnt what she was looking for. when she tried to break up with him he told her he would wait for her and will work on himself to be however she wanted him to be. after a month, they are back together. another friend of mine had his college gf dump him last year saying that he didnt treat her right. after a year he initiated contact, told her he still loved her and now they are back together.
my question is...is it ever worth it convince someone to take you back? i have always thought if the other person doesn't think its working/doesn't think im compatible with him...who am I to say otherwise? he knows what is best for him and if truly loved me/cared for me/wanted me...he'd never have let me go and that it is beneath me to beg someone to take me back.
what are your opinions on this?
I think it depends. On the one hand you don't want to be with them if they are not fully into it with you. In which case you are right to accept that their conclusion is a point of irreconcilability and that you are likely wasting any effort convincing them otherwise. On the other hand at some point your relationship has to be worth fighting for.
I think you have to determine on a case by case basis. Once scenario may be different from another, with variable such as emotional investment and time invested in the relationship weighing heavily.
Generally, if someone doesn't want to be with you, it's best to let them go. However, I think if you believe there has been a misunderstanding or misperception, there's nothing wrong with setting the record straight if you think it might change the outcome.
Generally, the people I have tried to "convince" to get together again were not worth the effort, in retrospect.
Generally, the people I have tried to "convince" to get together again were not worth the effort, in retrospect.
True story. When I was dating I reached a point where if a woman decided to move on, I politely obliged. I had made the mistake of fighting to keep alive a relationship that was not worth keeping alive and through that experience decided that I would never again be in a relationship where my girlfriend wasn't completely on board. I was tired of being the only one trying to make it work.
No. I think if a person takes an ex back I think that person was never truly over that person and is asking for the same problems to creep back into the relationship that caused the break up.
I think it depends. On the one hand you don't want to be with them if they are not fully into it with you. In which case you are right to accept that their conclusion is a point of irreconcilability and that you are likely wasting any effort convincing them otherwise. On the other hand at some point your relationship has to be worth fighting for.
I think you have to determine on a case by case basis. Once scenario may be different from another, with variable such as emotional investment and time invested in the relationship weighing heavily.
well my situation is such that i haven't had any real long term relationships. the one 7 month relationship i had started chipping away at around 4-5 months mark. i had wanted to break up with him starting around then but didn't/couldn't because i liked him too much. when he finally broke up with me at 7 months...i knew we had no pulse and there wasn't anything left to fight for. so i calmly accepted it and moved on.
the guy i dated after however, is another story. he used me as a rebound after ending a 4 year long relationship with his college gf from the period of last summer till early december. he tried to kiss me while he was still with his gf at a party and i told him to stop. a week later he broke up with his gf and asked me out. i was stupid enough (found him to be very attractive and charming) and said yes. we dated for a month before he disappeared. he initiated contact 3 months later saying he wasnt over his ex and got scared about pursuing things with me. we dated for a month until he dumped me again in early december saying he still has feelings for his ex that he thought he didn't have. and how im an amazing girl who deserves a guy who can give me his 100% attention at that his heart was mixed and he couldnt give me that at the time.
i didn't argue with him. i just said okay and how all this has hurt me and how i don't deserve this and said goodbye and wished him well.
he texted me a month later at 2am saying that was all b.s and he's sorry and that he misses me.
i sent him a scathing response saying that after stomping on my heart twice he has some nerve to drunk text to say he misses me. he apologized profusely and said it wasn't fair of him to do that to me and said i won't ever hear from him again since he will delete my number. i asked if he never wanted to talk to me again. he said if we talked again he didn't want it to be because he initiated it through drunk texting. i didn't respond.
my head tells me i did the right thing by not arguing with him about letting me go. but god im having the hardest time moving on and i find myself wondering if i should ask him to reconcile at some point, especially considering how he can't seem to be with me not because of me but because of this other girl...if he ever gets over her...is it possible he'd want me back? did i give up too soon...and by not even TRYING to make him date me...shot myself in my own foot?
everytime a guy rejects me i let go. i accept his decision to no longer engage with me romantically and turn my back on him and try to lick my wounds and heal and in time jump to another prospect. i have never tried to talk someone into not breaking up with me, or get upset at them for reaching to a conclusion about our end. i haven't ever even begged them to stay, or promised to change or try to convince them that we are perfect together.
i've seen my other friends go back and forth with their break ups a lot however. one of my friends broke up with a year long boyfriend because she said he wasnt what she was looking for. when she tried to break up with him he told her he would wait for her and will work on himself to be however she wanted him to be. after a month, they are back together. another friend of mine had his college gf dump him last year saying that he didnt treat her right. after a year he initiated contact, told her he still loved her and now they are back together.
my question is...is it ever worth it convince someone to take you back? i have always thought if the other person doesn't think its working/doesn't think im compatible with him...who am I to say otherwise? he knows what is best for him and if truly loved me/cared for me/wanted me...he'd never have let me go and that it is beneath me to beg someone to take me back.
what are your opinions on this?
I am like you. I don't beg or promise this, that or cry when someone decided to break up with me. For me the most important factor in relationship is that it should be mutual, coz if not, what's the point.
My husband broke up with me when we were dating. I don't want to, because I fell in love with him but I just agreed. If it's not mutual then that's the best thing to do, IMO. Fortunately he came back to me after 4 days, I did not even pretend that I don't care or make him suffer by ignoring him, I took him back. So far, so good in regards to our married life.
Based on that story, I would say that you need to stay the course with this guy. Don't reward his indecisiveness with another chance. You will get through the hard times and the more time you waste with a flake the less your chances of getting into a relationship that you really enjoy. I know it's probably hard and confusing, but with time you'll be better off, respect yourself more, and emerge stronger for it.
I've gotten back with two ex-boyfriends. One was a emotionally abusive alcoholic jerk and I realized he was horrible to me and to be with but was so desperate to have a boyfriend I kept taking him back after he dumped me. Eventually I smarted up and haven't seen him in 15 years. The second was a guy I really like but wasn't ready to date. We broke up and got back today a year later but realized we were better as friends. He is now married and we talk every so often.
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