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Old 02-26-2013, 01:27 PM
 
350 posts, read 383,393 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jim9251 View Post
My thoughts are this, it's a marriage, not a business transaction. Doesn't that take the whole issue of love and trust out? If you want the fiance to sign an agreement stating they won't try to get your gabillions of dollars when you split, why are you marrying them in the first place?
But once you take marriage outside of the realm of church and faith, all it can be is a business transaction. Remember, we have separation of church and government. That's the way it is legally structured, that's the prevailing mindset and the implications of ending it are virtually the same as ending a business relationship.

Hell, it's even called a "partnership" these days,

There are a lot of crazy people out there, especially among the spinsterhood worried about finding someone to take care of them as they get older and more decrepit.

I like to think most people are good, but it still pays to be wary.
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Old 02-26-2013, 01:57 PM
 
19,045 posts, read 25,151,745 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Beacon of Truth View Post
Did not know that, but that sounds like one of those things that isn't consistently enforced.

I could go either way on this issue at a young age, but in midlife I think it is a necessity.

My only issue when springing this on someone is going to be that this is one of the rare things I lie about. I tend to downplay how much I make and what I have and it's going to be believeable to people who see me tooling around in my 2002 Acura. I have let things slip before and have gotten a lot of grief because I wasn't open and honest about it.

The older I get, the more I'm buying into what most professional types these days are believing, which is that marriage if you're not going to have kids is more trouble than it's worth. I'm not completely there yet, but when you start thinking about all these kinds of things it is a little daunting.
Based on what I have read marriage rates are increasing for educated professionals, somi think you have it backwards. Further, these power couples are building a level of wealth that not only exceeds their single counterparts, but resulting in an obvious disparity in the US.
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Old 02-26-2013, 02:07 PM
 
350 posts, read 383,393 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Braunwyn View Post
Based on what I have read marriage rates are increasing for educated professionals, somi think you have it backwards. Further, these power couples are building a level of wealth that not only exceeds their single counterparts, but resulting in an obvious disparity in the US.
I don't disagree, but from the perspective of being at midlife and where the marriage thing hasn't happened yet it would be a huge change in life. A lawyer friend of mine who is divorced and has a girlfriend says he will never remarry for this very reason. You just have too much crap to deal with financially if things don't work out.

I think if you don't have kids, that makes things tougher. You have less of a reason to stay together when you're sick of each other.

I'm not all the way in the non-marriage corner, but like I said the downside of the unknowns are scary and should give anyone pause.

It's not really that much different than buying an old building or a business where you do your inspections and your due diligence. But there is no way to do this with another human being and the old building isn't potentially entitled to 1/2 of what you have.
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Old 02-26-2013, 02:13 PM
 
Location: Tulsa, OK
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I would sign one no problem. But also, I would want one .signed by my future spouse.
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Old 02-26-2013, 02:14 PM
 
Location: On the corner of Grey Street
6,126 posts, read 10,088,952 times
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I don't have any problem with them. It's just good sense. You can say whatever you want about love and trust, but the only person you can control is yourself. You may trust your spouse 100% and believe you'll be married forever, but there's no way to know how you or they will feel in 10 years. The person who loves you unconditionally on your wedding day may run off with a coworker in 10 years and want to take all your money. That isn't bitterness talking, it's just reality. I'm sure almost everyone save for a few creeps get married thinking it will last forever, but sometimes it doesn't. Better to be prepared for the worst case scenario.
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Old 02-26-2013, 02:15 PM
 
Location: Mountains of Oregon
17,619 posts, read 22,575,993 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Idon'tdateyou View Post
Very true. I also know situations where a couple married and the person with more assets had kids but found their assets went to the spouse and not the kids. I'd be afraid of that too. Happened to my uncle where he had a lot of money and kids and his new wife was a gold digger (or so the story goes). He died and instead of his kids getting the house and the money his wife got most of it.
That is why you pick a knowledgeable barrister, have a living trust drawn up. Then the property/money will go to whom you wish to inherit your estate...
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Old 02-26-2013, 02:27 PM
 
10,029 posts, read 10,875,114 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Hawk J View Post
That is why you pick a knowledgeable barrister, have a living trust drawn up. Then the property/money will go to whom you wish to inherit your estate...
I don't know the specifics but I believe he did but then when he was dying she had is changed. I know that my mom (his favorite niece that he lived with at times)was supposed to inherit a part of his money since he told my grandpa but she was left out too. His own kids (born long after he lived with my mom and her parents)were also left out too.
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Old 02-26-2013, 02:29 PM
 
19,045 posts, read 25,151,745 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Beacon of Truth View Post
I don't disagree, but from the perspective of being at midlife and where the marriage thing hasn't happened yet it would be a huge change in life. A lawyer friend of mine who is divorced and has a girlfriend says he will never remarry for this very reason. You just have too much crap to deal with financially if things don't work out.

I think if you don't have kids, that makes things tougher. You have less of a reason to stay together when you're sick of each other.

I'm not all the way in the non-marriage corner, but like I said the downside of the unknowns are scary and should give anyone pause.

It's not really that much different than buying an old building or a business where you do your inspections and your due diligence. But there is no way to do this with another human being and the old building isn't potentially entitled to 1/2 of what you have.
I don't know how old you are, but I can see age playing into it. If my husband were to pass I can't imagine marrying again, but who knows. He would be my financial equal, tho.
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Old 02-26-2013, 02:30 PM
 
2,028 posts, read 1,885,164 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Beacon of Truth View Post
There is worry over what is likely to happen and then there are people who worry over fluke situations. The situation you describe would be a fluke very unlikely to happen. Put another way, you don't live underground for fear of being hit by a meteor or a tornado, do you? The situation you're describing is along those lines.

Very, very unlikely to happen and I am in a position to know these things

If you want complete safety, you don't marry. Otherwise, you are far better off with a prenup than without one, especially if what you bring to the marriage is in the 6 figures or more.

It's like having insurance on your house. Even if you never use it, if you need it you'll find the cost was well worth it.
Your comment about insurance underscores my opinion in the category of marriage. The only difference between you and I, is that you see prenups as effective insurance, and my philosophy prefers extended coverage by not signing any paperwork at all, including a marriage license.

I understand the best scenario for safety is to not marry at all, but I propose the ceremony-only option as a compromise for those who lack a desire to marry, yet find a wonderful life partner who insists on a token of committment.

What's interesting is you used the "fluke situation" argument in regards to my opinion, but do you realize others here would say the same about your advice to use a prenup?

EDITED TO ADD: Your posts for the last 2 pages are basically my position, with the exception of the ceremony option. Not sure why we're debating each other, Beacon.

Last edited by Freedom123; 02-26-2013 at 02:38 PM..
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Old 02-26-2013, 02:54 PM
 
350 posts, read 383,393 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Freedom123 View Post

EDITED TO ADD: Your posts for the last 2 pages are basically my position, with the exception of the ceremony option. Not sure why we're debating each other, Beacon.
I double checked on that very issue recently as I have been thinking in a similar way. I thought of what the government does as one thing and what the church does as being in an entirely separate realm.

It is my understanding that most churches will not bless a marriage without a government license. Some states don't allow them to do it.
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