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Old 02-28-2013, 04:24 PM
 
1,392 posts, read 2,094,832 times
Reputation: 747

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the fact that she's (probably) sleeping with a short bald guy, makes it sound like she's cheating just for the sake of doing something - she's so jaded by her parents she can't just be normal; she'll get instincts sometimes to either "take what she can get" (even if it isn't much to take, like sex with a short bald guy), and/or to mess with your trust before you can mess with hers so she doesn't get as hurt as if you'd outright hurt her. Symptoms of a broken personality,
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Old 10-14-2013, 10:56 AM
 
Location: New Orleans, LA
1,809 posts, read 5,399,429 times
Reputation: 698
Quote:
Originally Posted by gentlearts View Post
Ok, there are a couple of issues here. Issue one is she can do or see whomever or whatever she wants, without answering to you.
Don't you think that is cheating?

"she can do or see whomever she wants"

Especially for not having any communication with her Boyfriend?

Especially since he tells her everything, so she should do the same too, it's called BALANCE.

That's the freaking problem these days, if you want to "see or do whatever you want with whoever" while you are in a Relationship with someone then do yourself and others a favor; BE SINGLE.

It's F-ed up how Relationships are screwed up these days by this manner. Along with these stupid and lame excuses for cheating.

Last edited by Blackandgold51; 10-14-2013 at 12:14 PM..
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Old 10-14-2013, 11:04 AM
 
Location: New Orleans, LA
1,809 posts, read 5,399,429 times
Reputation: 698
Quote:
Originally Posted by jw2 View Post
You are not her #1 even though you may think you are. Move on.

And, btw, don't read her texts, none of your business
If people do not want their significant other to read their texts and stuff, then they should come out clean and tell the truth along with not doing things to raise suspicion=.

If you do not have anything to hide then why act like it?
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Old 10-14-2013, 11:12 AM
 
12,585 posts, read 16,907,301 times
Reputation: 15255
Quote:
Originally Posted by Balancer View Post
So here is the situation.... I have been dating this girl since last summer. We get along great, similar interests, think alike, have same goals in life... I love her ---- Meet her parents, have keys to her apartment, etc....

There have a been a few instances of her doing stupid things here and there... Insecurity issues of how much I like her, in turn making her want to break it off... to which I always reassure her that I love her... She comes from an abusive home, so I think some of her behavior is result of upbringing.. She sometimes drinks too much, especially when we first met.. Overall though she is very caring, never flakes on plans, feels very good to be with her. We sleep at each others house at least 4 times a week.. Has a great career, cares about her family, despite what her parents were like some of the time...

Fast forward to last weekend, when she comes home from being away on a work trip for a week... She comes in late Friday and had made plans to see a concert with her friend (a guy) that she totally forgot about.. So try to follow me... she doesn't make the concert because she gets in too late, however she meets up with him and his friends for a bite to eat after the concert before even seeing me after being gone a week.. saying she felt guilty for not going to the concert so she wanted to make it up to him... So this made me feel disrespected and hurt... Forgave her didn't really think anything was going on with them... she says he is just a friend, "one who is bald, short and nobody I'd be interested in, blah blah blah... he's just a funny guy I hang out with because he's best friends with my friend from college"

Yesterday comes around and over the weekend she talked about me meeting him and hanging out with him Monday... As I randomly see a text pop on her phone as I'm cooking dinner with her, asking to hang out tomorrow.. So I say yea I'll come along why not.. So after work I text her to see whats up.. She says nothing just that she is going on a run, I call her halfway through saying I'll cook you dinner for when you return from your run... Doesn't directly respond to this only with my body hurts from run I'm going to take a bath... So I decide to come over to her place.. Well this where I catch her... She isn't at her apartment. I leave her keys at her apartment and walk out knowing she is liar.

So I think I just need some reassurance from you fine people of what I'm planning to do is the right thing.

I planned on not talking to her, but I love her and answered to phone this morning. She claimed at first just to be out, but I finally got it out of her that she was with her friend for a drink... So that is that. I don't plan on being with her anymore after she could so causally lie to me. I tell her if she truly loved me there is no way she could have done this to me. Regardless if it was just a drink or hooking up.. As to me a lie is lie no matter the proportion.

The kicker is this. It's her birthday in 2 days and her brothers wedding this weekend. It was terrible timing on her part I guess. Now she has been calling me nonstop today trying to apologize wants us to meet and break up face to face. I guess I kinda needed to vent and get this off my chest as I am not the one to tell my business in the streets and just want to try and forget this girl - although I know this won't be easy. Thanks for taking the time to read my novel. I really appreciate if any wise members here who have anything to say on the matter.
Sorry Bro...

She sounds like a person who needs to get some alignment done in her thinking.

You need to not talk to her face to face for fear she will somehow convince you she isn't a bald face liar.

Text her saying, "it's over! Enjoy your birthday and your brothers wedding with your 'friend.'

Then delete, delete, delete anything and everything from her. Numbers, emails, addresses etc...

You have to never contact her again... No matter what!!!

You will have many emotions.... Black marker on a picture of her saying, "LIAR!" May help keep her and your thoughts straight. Hang it on your fridge if you half to.
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Old 10-14-2013, 11:18 AM
 
12,585 posts, read 16,907,301 times
Reputation: 15255
Quote:
Originally Posted by Balancer View Post
Small update. Had a lengthy conversation with her last night... Said she lied because she is immature and was drinking (which in her words makes her act selfishly.) She claims nothing happened, remained faithful, even brought up the idea for this friend to call me to tell me everything is okay... not interested in doing this... he could be easily cover up for them both, plus my problem is with the lie period. I'm not really even focused on whether she cheated or not. Over the course of the conversation we both felt really sad about the situation..... after profusely saying she was sorry about what she had done. Eventually today it turned into her wanting me to get past this, saying what she had done was nothing terrible enough give up on such a good thing.

It's been a really depressing couple of days to be honest. I was really looking forward to her birthday (which was going to just be the 2 of us) and meeting more of her extended family this weekend... what are you going to do though. Just can't believe I was fool for putting so much trust in her.

Wanted to add that I am extremely thankful for the advice that I have received from everyone on here. It shows a lot when people are willing to take 10 minutes out of their lives to read everything and give a someone who is a complete stranger help.
Well that shot not talking to her advice.

Anyhow, stay strong and don't let her talk to you anymore.

That crap about 'how can you let this little thing ruin what we have...' Manipulate you into taking her back.

Run!!!

This will blow up like a balloon in the future if you don't keep away from her.
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Old 10-14-2013, 12:56 PM
 
5,290 posts, read 5,213,001 times
Reputation: 18655
How do people find these old threads?
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Old 10-14-2013, 12:58 PM
 
Location: New Orleans, LA
1,809 posts, read 5,399,429 times
Reputation: 698
Quote:
Originally Posted by carnivalday View Post
How do people find these old threads?

Simple. Through Google or the Forum's history itself.
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Old 10-14-2013, 01:11 PM
 
2,758 posts, read 4,948,366 times
Reputation: 3014
Quote:
Originally Posted by Blackandgold51 View Post
Simple. Through Google or the Forum's history itself.
Also, if you keep scrolling down the page for every thread, there is a 'similar threads' link option.
Someone may have been reading a thread, and then they scroll down andsee the link for a zombie thread without realizing the date.
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Old 10-14-2013, 02:10 PM
 
Location: New Orleans, LA
1,809 posts, read 5,399,429 times
Reputation: 698
Quote:
Originally Posted by gentlearts View Post
Ok, there are a couple of isssss here. Issue one is she can do or see whomever or whatever she wants, without answering to you. It seems to me she might be feeling a bit smothered and told some lies to make it easier on herself than it would be to tell you to back off.
Issue two is whether you and she can have a conversation in which you both get straight what your needs are? I suspect that her abusive parents probably caused her to dissemble, rather than confront. Now that she is a grown up, she should be able to knock that stuff off.
I think the relationship could be saved, if you give her what she wants (freedom) and she gives you what you want (honesty).
Okay, here's the thing about most or if-not most Females


(also some people in general), you can give them all your info amd stuff but when you ask them the same questions they fuss about it, along with bringing up the "you don't trust me" crap.

If you want me to give you and tell you everything I do, then you should do the same.

It's called being FAIR.

Like I said before, if you have nothing to hide, then why act like it?
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Old 10-14-2013, 02:33 PM
 
Location: All Over
4,003 posts, read 6,074,365 times
Reputation: 3162
If i were you I wouldn't meet up with her. You were good to her, she lied and maybe cheated or is cheating. You owe her nothing, you dont owe her closure or a chance to get back together. I imagine mentally you've already started getting over her and moving on. Meeting for a face to face breakup will do nothing for you but confuse you, give you a chance to be pulled back in, or make an even more emotional breakup than it was already. I'd ignore all contact and keep doing what you do
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