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Old 02-27-2013, 04:52 AM
 
Location: NoVa
18,431 posts, read 34,287,812 times
Reputation: 19814

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Attraction, preference, and standards.

They are all there but I have learned to throw them out the window. Of course I find certain people attractive, but I am not sure if it is for any certain reason. If I see a man helping out a little old lady or just doing something caring for another human being, I find that attractive.

I have a preference to a man that will treat me with the respect and dignity, the love that I deserve, and I will treat him with the same.

Standards. What does this really mean? Oh he can't be above x amount of pounds. He has to make 6 figures, etc, etc

I don't find myself wrapped up in all of these things. I have dated pretty boy men with the muscles and the PhDs. Who cares. They were no better than anyone else.

I lost my mother on Christmas Eve of 2000 and today would have been her 77th birthday. As I lay in bed last night, my SO knew this. Her grave is 4 hours away. He has never known her but he knows she was my mother and how much she meant to me.

He offered to take me there, do a little work around both of my parents stones. Things of the like.

It may sound morbid to some, but to me, it sounded like a man who loves me and cares for me. I could not be more attracted to him, prefer him or have him as my only standard if my life depended on it.

Someone like that is my standard. Someone who cares. I think people really need to take the time to look beyond a persons looks and see what is on the inside.

I know this is an age old saying, but looks can fade. What is on the inside will likely remain there.

He knows what today is, and he held me a little tighter and a little longer before he left for work this morning.....
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Old 02-27-2013, 07:43 AM
 
15,013 posts, read 21,602,935 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by iknowftbll View Post
That's a good point, I shouldn't overlook what I see with my own eyes. Noticing it out and about is more passive, but it is also real. Noticing the picky ones on the internet is more active because we conscientiously log in and come to this sub-forum to read the latest.
There's theory and then there's practice.
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Old 02-27-2013, 08:33 AM
 
Location: Arizona
326 posts, read 477,754 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by srjth View Post
There's theory and then there's practice.
Agreed. I often find myself checking out women that are different from the women that I think I'm attracted to in my head.
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Old 02-27-2013, 08:46 AM
 
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
26,691 posts, read 41,625,813 times
Reputation: 41324
Attraction and preference are two things I will not drop. I am attracted to what I like and I have preferences. It is what it is.

Now standards. I do not really have. I have non-negotiables like everyone else. Having a job and a clue, decent hygiene, etc. Now the rating scale I do not do because everyone grades differently.
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Old 02-27-2013, 09:25 AM
 
14,376 posts, read 18,316,038 times
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Physical attraction for me is a flexible thing. It can manifest in the strangest places if I get a glimmer of an interesting personality. Intellectual attraction is really the part I can't negotiate on - they need to be able to keep up with me.

Preferences are easily discarded as far as I'm concerned. I gravitate towards guys with long hair and tats, great arms and a good tush. I don't care much about build as long as they're not exceptionally frail or flabby looking. But preferences don't have much bearing on attraction or whom I choose to date.

Standards? My standards are mostly about moral character, guiding beliefs and intelligence. My only truly vital physical characteristic on which I'm unlikely to budge is morbid obesity. It's not a moral judgement for me, but I want someone who can share my lifestyle and provide me with the energetic and creative physical relationship I desire.

I think I'm pretty flexible in general when it comes to the physical, but when it comes to moral/political/religious beliefs, I am less likely to compromise. I'm not looking for my mirror image, but I want someone with similar values.
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Old 02-27-2013, 02:34 PM
 
5,312 posts, read 6,087,567 times
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From the asnwers the one thing consistent with womens prefernces is height..must be easy for tall men to clean up
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Old 02-27-2013, 04:13 PM
 
Location: Virginia Beach, VA
11,157 posts, read 13,958,719 times
Reputation: 14935
Quote:
Originally Posted by JrzDefector View Post
Physical attraction for me is a flexible thing. It can manifest in the strangest places if I get a glimmer of an interesting personality. Intellectual attraction is really the part I can't negotiate on - they need to be able to keep up with me.

Preferences are easily discarded as far as I'm concerned. I gravitate towards guys with long hair and tats, great arms and a good tush. I don't care much about build as long as they're not exceptionally frail or flabby looking. But preferences don't have much bearing on attraction or whom I choose to date.

Standards? My standards are mostly about moral character, guiding beliefs and intelligence. My only truly vital physical characteristic on which I'm unlikely to budge is morbid obesity. It's not a moral judgement for me, but I want someone who can share my lifestyle and provide me with the energetic and creative physical relationship I desire.

I think I'm pretty flexible in general when it comes to the physical, but when it comes to moral/political/religious beliefs, I am less likely to compromise. I'm not looking for my mirror image, but I want someone with similar values.
Not uncommon, I suspect. Certainly things like faith, political ideology, values, and character have their place right alongside physical preferences. And the same scale of attraction-preference-standards still applies in those categories as well. I limited this discussion to physical because it would be too complex if we tried to discuss all these traits together.
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Old 02-27-2013, 06:09 PM
 
Location: IN A COOKIE JAR
1,523 posts, read 1,511,752 times
Reputation: 1137
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pikantari View Post
Attraction, preference, and standards.

They are all there but I have learned to throw them out the window. Of course I find certain people attractive, but I am not sure if it is for any certain reason. If I see a man helping out a little old lady or just doing something caring for another human being, I find that attractive.

I have a preference to a man that will treat me with the respect and dignity, the love that I deserve, and I will treat him with the same.

Standards. What does this really mean? Oh he can't be above x amount of pounds. He has to make 6 figures, etc, etc

I don't find myself wrapped up in all of these things. I have dated pretty boy men with the muscles and the PhDs. Who cares. They were no better than anyone else.

I lost my mother on Christmas Eve of 2000 and today would have been her 77th birthday. As I lay in bed last night, my SO knew this. Her grave is 4 hours away. He has never known her but he knows she was my mother and how much she meant to me.

He offered to take me there, do a little work around both of my parents stones. Things of the like.

It may sound morbid to some, but to me, it sounded like a man who loves me and cares for me. I could not be more attracted to him, prefer him or have him as my only standard if my life depended on it.

Someone like that is my standard. Someone who cares. I think people really need to take the time to look beyond a persons looks and see what is on the inside.

I know this is an age old saying, but looks can fade. What is on the inside will likely remain there.

He knows what today is, and he held me a little tighter and a little longer before he left for work this morning.....
Oh sweetie you're the smartest poster yet.

Though I must admit I am not nearly as smart as you.


Here are some of my former preferences: (since I am married now.)


HEIGHT, of uber importance to me before marrying, 'cause meeee like long, sexy legs on a man. (my husband has these, whoopee.) Yet he was about the only tall man I ever dated. I suffered through crushes on tall men that I knew personally, but it never went anywhere.


Adorable face, in other words, not ruggedly handsome. (my husband has this too.)


Approachable-attractive, not overly attractive - I was practical after all. (husband has this)


Good skin (also is a standard of mine I suppose)- but teeth, well I preferred if he still had most of them. (husband has these)


A sweet smile (husband has this)


I keep wanting to add other variables but you asked us to stick to physical so I will hum, so let's see?


I preferred dark hair on a man, nonetheless a man with beautiful blonde hair, (not Fabio-ish though,) could always turn my head. However I didn't mind if a dark haired man had long hair. Why the double standard? Haven't a clue. I dated a couple of red haired men, one was so gorgeous, my mom's mouth dropped when she saw him. He had dark auburn hair with long, green eyes. I dated him but I already had a crush on some big, tall, really dumb, fella so it didn't work out.

I actually had to change this dark hair preference due to the fact that dark haired men were not that attracted to me, yet dirty blondes with blue eyes were, so that became my new preference - out of shear necessity. (my husband has dirty blonde hair and blue eyes)


Eyes - loved and still love a man with big brownies and like the one poster said, alive, sparkly eyes, not flat.


Body, well I love to look at a nice pair of biceps but it was never a preference nor a standard I lived by. Other than that an average body, not too thin - not too fat was fine with me.


And like another poster said, I always figured handsome came in any and every ethnicity; shapes and sizes too. The dark hair I said I liked could have been in a fro, didn't matter to me. That said, my “preference” was for dark hair – almost black – and very pale skin – black Irishish??


The reason I pointed out that my husband fit many of these was to show that our preferences can sometimes lead us to the love of our life.

Now if something terrible were to happen to my precious husband I would be more like the poster I quoted above when searching for my next...which I would because I love being married and wouldn't want to live out my live any other way. As long as your heart is open love will find a way back in.
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Old 02-27-2013, 08:43 PM
 
Location: Virginia Beach, VA
11,157 posts, read 13,958,719 times
Reputation: 14935
Quote:
Originally Posted by GINGERSNAP1963 View Post
Now if something terrible were to happen to my precious husband I would be more like the poster I quoted above when searching for my next...which I would because I love being married and wouldn't want to live out my live any other way. As long as your heart is open love will find a way back in.
This would be hard, and while I certainly don't dwell on it I have considered it from time to time. My wife and I have even discussed it and have concluded that we would want the survivor to pursue a new relationship as they saw fit. All I can say is I hope we don't reach that point until we're both really old.
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Old 02-28-2013, 10:05 PM
 
1,841 posts, read 3,167,981 times
Reputation: 2512
I truly believe everyone has “Preferences” but for some reason do not like to admit they have them for the fear of looking “shallow”

There has to be that “Initial attraction” something that initially lured you another than a random act of kindness…

There are NICE people everywhere from every walk of life, every ethnicity, every socio-economic status, I could go on and on, however do we give “EVERYONE” A chance? Let us be honest!

We refer to them in terms such as “Sweetheart, totally nice, the nicest person ever, the type of person that would give the shirts off their back” However when a passing comment is made from a friend or family member that goes along the lines of “Why haven’t you ever gone out with them?”

It takes us “off guard” because that thought never crossed our minds, why?

Because for all that they are, we are not “attracted” to them in this “way” for one reason or another…

After the question is asked then come the barrage of excuses, “Oh no, it would never work, because”……..

1. We are too different
2. They are too quiet
3. I have never dated anyone ( Insert ethnicity) my family would flip. My friends would freak!”
4. They are too short
5. They are too big, I have never dated BBW’s
6. I love Blondes
7 I love Brunettes
The list goes on as to why this person would never be considered as a possible romantic possibility..
There is much speculation from some stating “Well how do you know if you have never tried it?” “You could be missing out on the love of your life.”

It has not been tried because some have “preferences” and these are things that capture their attention, that they are “attracted to” Why is this seen as wrong?

From a personal standpoint? I am fully aware that not every man on this EARTH finds me attractive and this is okay with me.
I do not understand why there needs to be a quarrel or debate?

I have never wasted my time getting myself worked up over guys I happen to find attractive and were not attracted to me, this is reality, this is life…

Is this going to justify me going on a crusade and becoming bitter because certain men do find me attractive? This seems like a HUGE MONUMENTAL waste of time of negative energy I am expending when I could be focusing on my life, the people I have in it and finding the guy I like and likes me…

It is really one of those times when the saying “It is what it is” fits perfectly…

This thread was geared towards PHYSICAL PREFERENCES however it was turned into something else…

And NO , physical attraction, preferences, moral values, ethics and other non tangible attributes are not one in the same…

They are all different in their own right..
Physical and preferences is what is appealing to you visually..This is what catches your eye upon contact..or visually on dating sites..

Now what makes up a person that has nothing to do with physical attributes? Totally different…
- The way a person carries themselves
- The morals they carry
- Their stances they hold with conviction
- Their intelligence

TWO very different things…
I could very well meet a guy I am physically attracted to however find him ugly due to his views and the way he lives his life…

Too many variables…
This thread was pretty straight forward in stating what PHYSICALLY is a cup of tea for a person…Simple.
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