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Yes, male attraction IS shallow for the most part, but chasing any tail isn't making it easier for them. They/we need to think more strategically. It's a numbers game. The more men chase more women, the more women think they have more options and the pickier they'll be. They've always had options, but the fact that fewer people 'couple up' means the dating world is more of a 'free for all' than in years past. in some ways, the early to mid 20th century was easier as most people just paired up and married and that was it.
I've looked at a number of ads on various sites. I can't say I've been impressed with the selection. If a woman suggests meeting at a bar or club for drinks, I don't want her. For dinner or spend the day fishing works for me... But, it seems women have little interest in fishing. If she's looking for a guy with water toys, or a motorcycle (A simple motorcycle is bad enough, asking for a Harley is like looking for a guy that drives a Jaguar.) is a GOLD DIGGER. And, that's even worse than meeting in a bar or club. If all she says is that she wants to sit, hold hands, and watch the sunset, I could get interested, but there are other red flags. Reading between the lines reveals things that are not put into words. Out of all the ads I've looked at.... I have found exactly one that sounded like she just might be worth it. But, she had not been on the site for the last three months, which meant her ad was no longer active.
The ads by women vary just like they do for men. When a woman says her ad isn't getting any attention, she's doing something wrong when she's writing it. For one thing, if she's too specific about her own desires, "LEVERITE"(*), she's much too self-centered. She says nothing about what she has to offer a man, "LEVERITE" (*), she's being too vague and evasive. If she doesn't have enough personal pride and self-respect to check her spelling or use correct grammer, "LEVERITE" (*), it speaks for itself. Lazy, and may be sloppy. An occasional "typo" suggests that, either she was short on time when she wrote it, or it's not important enough for her to take the time to proof-read it before she posts it. If it's not important enough, the relationship probably won't be either. "LEVERITE" (*)
(*) LEVERITE - Leave her right where you found her and don't give her a second thought.
For those that do not tell a man what he can expect from her, think about this.... Would you buy a used car from a salesman that only tells you what you need to offer the car, without telling you about the benefits you would get by owning the car? Comfort? Fuel economy? How much of a compliment it would be for you, to be seen driving it? There are idiots that will answer any ad. But, if you're not also selling yourself, I'm not buying a "pig-in-a-poke". You're not on my shopping list.
I'm not a woman, and the majority of ads I've looked at have been written by women. But, from the few men's ads I've looked at, I would guess that men don't do any better. Although, I have seen ads by men that said more about what they had to offer a woman, than I have what women have to offer men.
I don't know if every woman feels this way, but I know I feel strongly about this.
When someone hits on you, you want it to be because of who you are. Because of your personality, accomplishments, and what you have to offer. Because you worked hard to not only look good, but because you're intelligent, generous, funny, and accomplished.
However, it has been my experience, that most men will hit on you simply because you are one of many targets with a hooha...and it's part of some scattershot strategy - try a bunch of times because eventually one will say yes.
It's not because of anything special or pertinent to YOU. You could be anyone. Outside the superficial, it doesn't seem to matter.
THAT is one of the most truly offensive things I have experienced about being hit on by men.
And that is why when someone cold hits on me (a stranger in a public place), I am actually usually very put off and offended. You don't know anything about me, so I know for a fact that you can't truly be attracted to me and who I am. It's gross.
The only way men can stop being their own worst enemies is if they stop thinking with their little heads first.
Likewise, women are also their own worst enemies for being too much in their own heads (the one where the brain is). Fairy-tale expectations, over-thinking, and things like jealousy, insecurity etc.
Location: The western periphery of Terra Australis
24,544 posts, read 56,054,732 times
Reputation: 11862
Quote:
Originally Posted by stan4
I don't know if every woman feels this way, but I know I feel strongly about this.
When someone hits on you, you want it to be because of who you are. Because of your personality, accomplishments, and what you have to offer. Because you worked hard to not only look good, but because you're intelligent, generous, funny, and accomplished.
However, it has been my experience, that most men will hit on you simply because you are one of many targets with a hooha...and it's part of some scattershot strategy - try a bunch of times because eventually one will say yes.
It's not because of anything special or pertinent to YOU. You could be anyone. Outside the superficial, it doesn't seem to matter.
THAT is one of the most truly offensive things I have experienced about being hit on by men.
And that is why when someone cold hits on me (a stranger in a public place), I am actually usually very put off and offended. You don't know anything about me, so I know for a fact that you can't truly be attracted to me and who I am. It's gross.
Many women sure aren't shy about drawing attention to those attributes. I guess they spoilt it for you then, huh?
I agree with the OP--his experience has been my experience. Men should take their time, but more selective and read women's profiles before contacting them.
I tried an online dating site for a a month and I don't think I will do it again. It was like most men never read my profile and I would get several messages a day (mostly from men whom I had nothing in common with or who lived several states away... and of course there were the lewd ones.). And I tried to answer them all to be polite (only the nice ones, I didn't respond at all to the lewd ones) but I spent so much time answering all the messages it was overwhelming. None of the men I contacted, contacted me back.
I met and dated two men out of it... men whom I could tell took the time to read my profile. One man turned out to be one of those doomsday preppers and that was too weird for me and the other was married (he lied in his profile... I dropped him as soon as I figured it out). There was one seemingly nice man whom I liked... but he never seemed to actually want to go out or exchange information like phone numbers. I have to wonder if he was married too--that seemed odd. He just wanted to talk online. I lost touch with him when I canceled my subscription to the dating site.
Right now I am dating no one. Where I live is mainly married couples--so there aren't a whole lot of singles. And I live in one of those places where single women outnumber single men. On top of all that, I am divorced with a small child--which I know a lot of men don't like (it's understandable that everyone has their preferences, it sucks for me, but I understand why they feel that way). So it's a triple whammy against me.
I am not into the bar thing or party thing to meet people. Most of my friends are married and know other married people... so I am tempted to try online again, but I am not so sure.
I don't know if every woman feels this way, but I know I feel strongly about this.
When someone hits on you, you want it to be because of who you are. Because of your personality, accomplishments, and what you have to offer. Because you worked hard to not only look good, but because you're intelligent, generous, funny, and accomplished.
However, it has been my experience, that most men will hit on you simply because you are one of many targets with a hooha...and it's part of some scattershot strategy - try a bunch of times because eventually one will say yes.
It's not because of anything special or pertinent to YOU. You could be anyone. Outside the superficial, it doesn't seem to matter.
THAT is one of the most truly offensive things I have experienced about being hit on by men.
And that is why when someone cold hits on me (a stranger in a public place), I am actually usually very put off and offended. You don't know anything about me, so I know for a fact that you can't truly be attracted to me and who I am. It's gross.
I have never hit on a woman online to ask for sex or any type of sexual favor. I've always mentioned something from their profile and then a little bit from my profile. In the end, it's strictly all picture driven. What is failed to be recognized is there's a lot more attractive single women in the community, they just aren't online. You will have an exception to the rule every now and then, but most women will be deemed cute or plain unattractive. The same thing goes for the men. You are seldom going to find a hot man or woman online, because they have never needed the means to do so. They are deemed hot, so just going outside gets the warranted or unwarranted attention.
I think that's what so many people fall for online. They see that one hot person and they feel that that person is the rule, when really they are just the exception. If you pay attention to the actual profiles you will find the common denominator. Everyone is typically your average, run of the mill, male and female. That's by far from a bad thing, but no one is really WOWED by someone's looks. I can honestly say I have never been WOWED by a profile, as I believe a woman has never been WOWED by a mans.
It's time to step back and realize that the majority of the profiles are just going to be average. Average or below average looks, with a below average to stellar personality, or stellar looks with a more below average to average personality. Most of the online profiles are balanced. For the perk you get in one area, you take away in another.
For example, I had been conversing with a woman for about 2 weeks online recently. We finally made the move to texting about a week or so ago. She had average looks to society but she was cute enough for me, and she had a way with words that was awesome. She would send long messages discussing her day and things that she likes to do. A bit wordy but I figured since she was crafty with her tongue, then she was a bit of a talker.
Once we got to texting I started asking some questions about what she did. I already knew she had a child, but things only went downhill from here. I later found out that she is unemployed, is allergic to everything, has had gastric bypass surgery (not really a dealbreaker), is 34 and has no college degree or job, is just now getting comfortable with her own physical and emotional feelings, her Mom abandoned her at 7 (my Dad did it to me at 14, no biggie), her Dad was a drug addict and may have done some sexual abuse to her, and she said she had a stalker in the past.
After hearing her tell me all these things, I know longer had a desire to pursue much of anything romantic with her. Everyone has a past, but her past and present is just way too much for me to handle. She let her past really dictate her future, which is polar opposite of my personal motivation. I would feel I would always be a support beam for her and that's just not my cup of tea.
I realize this is quite long, but this is my most recent experience online dating and I still try. Granted, I try a bit less now, because I'm just as tired as everyone else sending messages.
Location: The western periphery of Terra Australis
24,544 posts, read 56,054,732 times
Reputation: 11862
^^ Yes I used to be guilty of just flooding dating sites with 'winks' and the like when I got frustrated with well-written, long messages I wrote after reading someone's entire profile. Ok cupid seems to be the worst. Girls who seem promising at first, appearing very talkative in their responses, but then suddenly stopping messaging you.
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