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If you're approaching anybody, isn't the ball in your court first when you pick the women you're talking to? That's picking and choosing as well. After all, you're in a city with millions and millions of people to choose from.
A rejection is far better than being stuck in a dysfunctional relationship.
Being bitter is the result of many rejections. It's hard to be optimistic when you're viewed as pretty much worthless in the dating world.
I can't argue with your last sentence, but when you get rejected over and over and over again, it becomes disheartening. My point was that women have it easier because they're usually the ask-ees. All they have to do is decide yes or no. I, on the other hand, barely ever get approached.
Quote:
Originally Posted by ohio_peasant
Women need to be less impulsively judgmental of men who approach them. At the same time, women need to place themselves in situations where they’re more likely to be approached by quality men.
Men need to be bolder about who to approach, and less judgmental about superficial qualities that entice the approach. At the same time, they need to place themselves in situations where they’re more likely to be around quality women who merit the approach.
The problem for both genders is how to increase the number of situations where other singles are available and approachable. This is where our society has failed. We don’t offer enough opportunites for serious-minded singles to mingle. This is why we end up with casual hook-ups, sugar-daddies, manipulations and prevarications.
I agree with this completely. IMO, there's too much "Oh, she can only approach me if she's not fat", "he can only approach me if he's 6 feet tall with muscles and money", etc. There's waaaaaay too much shallowness in the dating world. Granted, everyone has their "preferences", but it sometimes seems that people forget that we are ALL. JUST. PEOPLE. There's no reason to be an ass if you're not interested.
Quote:
Originally Posted by dub dub II
umm, why not let women approach you?
I'd really like that. It just doesn't happen (I'm 5'3'' and height means A LOT in the dating world).
Being bitter is the result of many rejections. It's hard to be optimistic when you're viewed as pretty much worthless in the dating world.
I can't argue with your last sentence, but when you get rejected over and over and over again, it becomes disheartening. My point was that women have it easier because they're usually the ask-ees. All they have to do is decide yes or no. I, on the other hand, barely ever get approached.
Being bitter is the result of low self esteem. The worst type of rejection would be self-rejection, causing low esteem, low confidence, and no motivation. If someone's getting rejected that much, they must be trying the same strategy in their approach over and over and expecting different results. Or maybe their location is too small.
Being an ask-ee isn't any better. Having nobody to warrant an acceptance would eventually get frustrating as well.
You're giving yourself excuses to fail, so why are you surprised when you do?
Girls are generally very nice...I promise.
Not giving myself an excuse to fail, it's just what it is. I've even said in an earlier post that I can talk to women. It's just always results in rejection. BTW, read anything just about anywhere online or converse with women and you'll hear many of them say that they wouldn't want a short guy. The lamest part about it is that short women feel the same way. "I can't have a short man because I like to wear my heels." I didn't know shoes were a permanent appendage.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bob-Man
Being bitter is the result of low self esteem. The worst type of rejection would be self-rejection, causing low esteem, low confidence, and no motivation. If someone's getting rejected that much, they must be trying the same strategy in their approach over and over and expecting different results. Or maybe their location is too small.
Being an ask-ee isn't any better. Having nobody to warrant an acceptance would eventually get frustrating as well.
Let me ask this then: why is it that when I write decent messages (not too long or too short/pick specific things from their profiles) I barely ever get a response. I have decent photos and enough info about me without giving away too much. I have heard that plenty of good-looking men gets away with just saying "hi." A friend of mine 6'3" gets plenty of responses with terrible spelling and grammatical errors all over the place.
My low self-esteem and low-confidence is a huge result of regular rejection. At least the ask-ee is getting asked.
Right, and Bob Ross painted pictures of the crucifixion.
You two are shining examples of how being "strong" equates to being "blunt," "direct" and "bold." Which equates to, "I am woman, I will be heard." In other words, the problem with many American women today.
Then again, y'all live in the urban Northeast, so I'm not shocked (not that we don't have our share here in California).
As a slight aside:
Adam Carolla, the comedian, once said it best: treat a woman like a cat. Females are feline in their behaviors, if you really think about it. Except I have something to add to that: Women, like cats, are easily creeped out, anyway, but today they're also spoiled with silk beds and Fancy Feast, figuratively speaking. Unless a man is Channing Tatum or a sugar daddy, then they're "the dream."
Yours truly,
A guy at least smart enough to see through bull
Oh yes, you know me sooo well.
I've made moves on numerous male friends because I believed that I was being that 'jerk' girl that didn't give her male friends a chance...turns out they just wanted me as a friend and I was horribly embarrassed and lost a few really good friends because of it.
I'm surprisingly not 'blunt' (I think that's an excuse used by people to be rude, and I'm not rude), but I am rather direct, but we have guys on this forum complaining that women NEVER approach men, but then when we do it's considered a bad thing? So now were supposed to just wait around for men to approach us, so those same men can complain that women never approach them?
Oh, and I grew up on the coast of California, I've only lived here for 3 months
I'd take 'blunt', direct people of the northeast over the wishy-washy narcissism of Ca anyday.
I've made moves on numerous male friends because I believed that I was being that 'jerk' girl that didn't give her male friends a chance...turns out they just wanted me as a friend and I was horribly embarrassed and lost a few really good friends because of it.
I'm surprisingly not 'blunt' (I think that's an excuse used by people to be rude, and I'm not rude), but I am rather direct, but we have guys on this forum complaining that women NEVER approach men, but then when we do it's considered a bad thing? So now were supposed to just wait around for men to approach us, so those same men can complain that women never approach them?
Oh, and I grew up on the coast of California, I've only lived here for 3 months
I'd take 'blunt', direct people of the northeast over the wishy-washy narcissism of Ca anyday.
I don't understand this at all. I felt great whenever I did get approached by a woman here and there (a looooooong time ago). I'll never get why anyone would think a woman is "desperate" for taking initiative for going after the guy.
I don't understand this at all. I felt great whenever I did get approached by a woman here and there (a looooooong time ago). I'll never get why anyone would think a woman is "desperate" for taking initiative for going after the guy.
Depends on how hot she is.
Hot chick makes a move...awesome.
Ugly chick makes a move...desperate and gross. Some guys take it as a personal insult if an ugly woman pays ANY attention to him. I've witnessed this more times than I can count.
Interestingly, this thread JUST popped up proving my point
Not giving myself an excuse to fail, it's just what it is. I've even said in an earlier post that I can talk to women. It's just always results in rejection. BTW, read anything just about anywhere online or converse with women and you'll hear many of them say that they wouldn't want a short guy. The lamest part about it is that short women feel the same way. "I can't have a short man because I like to wear my heels." I didn't know shoes were a permanent appendage.
Let me ask this then: why is it that when I write decent messages (not too long or too short/pick specific things from their profiles) I barely ever get a response. I have decent photos and enough info about me without giving away too much. I have heard that plenty of good-looking men gets away with just saying "hi." A friend of mine 6'3" gets plenty of responses with terrible spelling and grammatical errors all over the place.
My low self-esteem and low-confidence is a huge result of regular rejection. At least the ask-ee is getting asked.
Sorry for jacking your thread OP
Oh, I assume you're referring to an online date site.
I stopped letting rejection chip at my self esteem since, it's just impossible for anyone to go through a whole lifetime without any rejection. With your friend, he's probably getting responses from women that may be different to the standards you may prefer. I'm sure you don't want anyone so shallow that only has a problem with your height.
Let me ask this then: why is it that when I write decent messages (not too long or too short/pick specific things from their profiles) I barely ever get a response. I have decent photos and enough info about me without giving away too much. I have heard that plenty of good-looking men gets away with just saying "hi." A friend of mine 6'3" gets plenty of responses with terrible spelling and grammatical errors all over the place.
My low self-esteem and low-confidence is a huge result of regular rejection. At least the ask-ee is getting asked.
But are you really looking at no response to a email sent to a woman you don't know and have never met as a rejection, to the point where it affects your confidence? As with anything in life, nothing ventured, nothing gained. There's no one in the world who gets everything they want all the time.
In the PNW, most guys are too chikensht to ask. This guys friend from out of town told me his friend was interested but too shy to approach me.turn off.
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