Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
For example I know I want to get married and have kids. If my SO says she doesn't want to get married or have kids of her own (she actually wants to adopt) is it understandable that I end the relationship or is there a chance she might change her mind?
I am 26 she is 24.
The reason she would rather adopt than have kids of her own is I think because she has so many health issues that she thinks she might pass them on and even says in a joking way that she doesnt know how she's managed so far.
Some of her health problems include migraines, depression, kidney pain, asthma like attacks (not frequent), ulcers, and I think her fear is dying and leaving her kids w/o a mom.
For example I know I want to get married and have kids. If my SO says she doesn't want to get married or have kids of her own (she actually wants to adopt) is it understandable that I end the relationship or is there a chance she might change her mind?
There's a chance.
I wouldn't bet on that chance
My last two long-term relationships have ended because my GF's have wanted to settle down, buy houses, have kids...not things on my list to do.
It sounds like you are both clear on what you want, and your goals do not match. So, yes, it's probably time to move on and find someone with the same goals as yours (which are far more common than her goals).
The reason she would rather adopt than have kids of her own is I think because she has so many health issues that she thinks she might pass them on and even says in a joking way that she doesnt know how she's managed so far.
Some of her health problems include migraines, depression, kidney pain, asthma like attacks (not frequent), ulcers, and I think her fear is dying and leaving her kids w/o a mom.
She has very valid reasons for her preference for adoption. Smart lady. She's certainly not saying no to parenthood. But if you simply must have your own bio child, then it would be best for you (and her) to continue looking for a different partner.
For example I know I want to get married and have kids. If my SO says she doesn't want to get married or have kids of her own (she actually wants to adopt) is it understandable that I end the relationship or is there a chance she might change her mind?
I am 26 she is 24.
The reason she would rather adopt than have kids of her own is I think because she has so many health issues that she thinks she might pass them on and even says in a joking way that she doesnt know how she's managed so far.
Some of her health problems include migraines, depression, kidney pain, asthma like attacks (not frequent), ulcers, and I think her fear is dying and leaving her kids w/o a mom.
Have not read any of the responses on this thread yet, but in response to the OP,
Many people in their early twenties do have ideas about having families that change as they grow older, but many do not. And some people don't really know what they want at any age, and spend a lifetime flipflopping and floundering.
It is never a good idea to enter into a relationship hoping the other person will change on some point of incompatibility. And if you take her at face value that she doesn't want to get married/be a parent to biological kids and you do, you are incompatible. Your visions of the future don't mesh. Plain and simple. It's tricky to say take her at face value, since you're both young, and thoughts on life can change...but, honestly, you don't have any choice but to take her at face value. You really can't build a future with somebody who's idea of the future is incompatible with yours and vice versa.
A past relationship of mine ended, in part, because of a perception that what we wanted out of life didn't match (true, but not in the ways he thought)...he labeled me as the marriage type, and determined that he was not, five years in (even though, obviously, five years in, it was pretty evident that I wasn't expecting marriage, either...if it was gonna happen, it would have happened by then, and I knew that). I would bet, dollars to donuts, however, that he gets married LONNNG before I ever do, cohabits again long before I ever do, etc. Not so much wired to be on his own, that one. There were some definite incompatibilities, alright...just not the ones he thought.
Last edited by TabulaRasa; 03-05-2013 at 11:36 PM..
For example I know I want to get married and have kids. If my SO says she doesn't want to get married or have kids of her own (she actually wants to adopt) is it understandable that I end the relationship or is there a chance she might change her mind?
I am 26 she is 24.
The reason she would rather adopt than have kids of her own is I think because she has so many health issues that she thinks she might pass them on and even says in a joking way that she doesnt know how she's managed so far.
Some of her health problems include migraines, depression, kidney pain, asthma like attacks (not frequent), ulcers, and I think her fear is dying and leaving her kids w/o a mom.
Yeah, sorry.
You're doing both of yourselves a disservice by continuing this relationship.
Kids or not kids is a HUGE issue that rarely changes.
I would say as unfortunate as it is you should break up and move on. Currently you both have very different goals for your life and it does not sound like your goals will become the same anytime soon. She is smart for thinking about health issues she "could" pass on to a child however, that is not a guarantee it will actually happen with a biological child. At any rate you both sound like you currently are set on how you want your future to be and both quite mature about your relationship as well and what will be the best for both of you in the future.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
