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Do not let her move in! She is a financial train wreck. Don't get caught in the carnage. Continue to be her boyfriend, not her Daddy.
^^^This. Financial incompatibility is at the top of the list of relationship issues and dealbreakers. You want a partner, not a dependent.
Apart from finances, you say things "have been hairy the last little bit.....not bad but were working through some things". That part concerns me, because at the beginning of a relationship, you should be putting your best foot forward. By the 9 month stage, you really shouldn't have a lot of things you need to work through.
That combined with her financial situation and dependency makes me question if this is really the right woman for your life.
If you really love her and can see a future with her, just accept that you will be the breadwinner until further notice and put her on the lease. There are many couples where one person pays most of the bills. Yes, things can go wrong later, but that's the risk you take when you decide to share your life with someone else.
OMG... that's all fine and dandy/warm and fuzzy, but you DON'T intentionally start out that way. Bad advice! Bad!
I agree with this, i KNOW living costs will go up. The thing is....I do care about her, it isn't about that. But Im budgeting very heavily right now and I am paying alot to maintain this, wanting to build up a budget to eventually buy a house. But that's difficult if my housing costs go up.
And whoever is saying im using her for sex is plain idiotic. Obviously this has nothing to do with that, as this directly affects my future if I ever wanna buy a house.
Are you feeling pressured by her to move in? Is she indicating that if she doesn't move in then that's the end of the relationship?
From what you've written before I do understand that you have serious feelings for her. Just remember that if the relationship is going to last long term then both parties need to understand what the other person "needs" and "wants".
She might feel she "wants" to move in with you (who wants to keep living at their parents-rules/chores) but right now she "needs" to sort out her financial situation and by staying at her parents seems like the least expensive option to work on reducing her debt.
Your "need" is to keep your good credit rating and your "want" is to save more to eventually buy a place. I hope that after you discuss this with her that she will understand your view and will concentrate on reducing her debt first before making financial commitments moving in with you as she should be responsible for 50% of living costs.
If you really love her and can see a future with her, just accept that you will be the breadwinner until further notice and put her on the lease. There are many couples where one person pays most of the bills. Yes, things can go wrong later, but that's the risk you take when you decide to share your life with someone else.
I agree, a lot of guys partners don't work and never have. It never stopped them.
Or accept her as she is and step "up" to the position of having to financially support her.
Sounds like you're kind of just wasting time, ignoring the elephant in the room, when she clearly has some qualities that you seem to classify as a deal breaker.
^^^This. Financial incompatibility is at the top of the list of relationship issues and dealbreakers. You want a partner, not a dependent.
Apart from finances, you say things "have been hairy the last little bit.....not bad but were working through some things". That part concerns me, because at the beginning of a relationship, you should be putting your best foot forward. By the 9 month stage, you really shouldn't have a lot of things you need to work through.
That combined with her financial situation and dependency makes me question if this is really the right woman for your life.
THis right here, you want a partner, not a dependent. My husband is the major bread winner in the home and yet he is my dependent. I tried to turn the bills over to him and stuff got shut off. I have to be the adult and it can be very lonely and has almost downed our marriage many times.
If she lives with her folks and is 10K in debt and has wage garnishments then its not a lack of money issue, its a lack of money management issue, one that she will never solve.
I would not move in with her. A lot of times one person makes more than the other, but there's a difference between someone going to work everyday and contributing what they are able to, and someone who uses the other person as a free ride. Financial irresponsiblity is a pretty big deal for me, I'd say it may even be a deal breaker. I'm not perfect with money, but I would not want to date someone who was drowning in debt, lived at home with mom and dad, and was having their wages garnished (seriously what's that about?). Maybe this is harsh, but it will be easier for you to find a new girlfriend than for your finances to recover after she mooches off of you for who knows how long.
It really depends on how you feel about this person. You perhaps need to set some boundaries with your girlfriend if you are looking for long term relationship with her.
You've been together less than a year and she wants to move in? Oh, no. No way. She's looking at you to support her while, and IF, she cleans up her act. Forget it. Tell her that when she's in a better place with her finances, you'll reconsider, but not now. If she gets upset, ditch her.
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