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Your second bullet is what I came across. I tried dating because I thought I had enough time for it. I am available maybe a total of 10 hours a week (although it's concentrated on weekends). I figured that's two short dates or one longer (all day) date a week. It's exactly how I dated in high school (we went out on the weekends) so I figured it was fairly normal.
It was only into the online dating process (after trying to date) that I found out that most men I dated wanted to go out a lot more than that. 3-4 times a week--minimum. I just couldn't do it--I am too busy during the workweek. I literally get up at 6am and don't get to "unwind and relax" until 9-10 pm at night. Sure I take breaks for a few minutes now and then (like now), but for the most part I don't get to "shut down" until evening and by then I am too tired. I don't even have time to watch the TV shows I like--I have to record them and watch them later, when I have time.
It was only after I tried dating again and saw for myself the lack of time compared to others that I was able to realize things. I could have done two things. Give dating a break (which is what I choose to do) or keep trying but be upfront and warn men about my limited time. I figure while I did the former, some choose to to do the later. Someone like me (or like any other busy person) is a great match for someone else who is also just as busy or likes their "space." If you aren't a match for a busy person, be glad they warned you and move on.
or guys who are dating multiple people
or guys who like quickies
I have no problem dating busy person...just gonna date other women as well on the side
I have no problem dating busy person...just gonna date other women as well on the side
I don't have an issue with men dating multiple women--as long as there is no commitment to anyone (re: no cheating) that's fine. I never ran into it though. Seemed like most of the men I met didn't have anyone else and if I was going to be in the picture, then they needed a lot of time. The only other men I met who seemed to be able to make the time were 1) married (so I guess that's like dating multiple people, but that's a line I won't cross) 2) Jerks (I mean treated me mean, were insulting and otherwise unpleasant to be around) or 3) mentally or emotionally unstable (Guy who thought the world was going to end in a few months... guy who spent the entire date talking about how much he hated his ex-wife, etc).
I am not interested in all at a man who sleeps around or is into quickies. I'd date him, but I won't have sex with him. So in the end, what's the point?
That's why I stopped dating. Just couldn't find the quality of man I wanted with the time I had. Maybe I will get lucky and just randomly find someone, but for now, I put no effort into "putting myself out there."
I don't have an issue with men dating multiple women--as long as there is no commitment to anyone (re: no cheating) that's fine. I never ran into it though. Seemed like most of the men I met didn't have anyone else and if I was going to be in the picture, then they needed a lot of time. The only other men I met who seemed to be able to make the time were 1) married (so I guess that's like dating multiple people, but that's a line I won't cross) 2) Jerks (I mean treated me mean, were insulting and otherwise unpleasant to be around) or 3) mentally or emotionally unstable (Guy who thought the world was going to end in a few months... guy who spent the entire date talking about how much he hated his ex-wife, etc).
I am not interested in all at a man who sleeps around or is into quickies. I'd date him, but I won't have sex with him. So in the end, what's the point?
That's why I stopped dating. Just couldn't find the quality of man I wanted with the time I had. Maybe I will get lucky and just randomly find someone, but for now, I put no effort into "putting myself out there."
Well you are too busy for guys who want a real relationship of more than X hours a week
So who are you left with? Other busy guys or guys who play the field. You are putting yourself in that situation.
Well you are too busy for guys who want a real relationship of more than X hours a week
So who are you left with? Other busy guys or guys who play the field. You are putting yourself in that situation.
I am not putting myself in any situation... I said it before, I stopped trying to date because I could see things didn't match up.
In retrospect, my hope was to find a guy who was busy like me and who was happy dating on weekends to start but with phone calls and such during the week--at least until I got to know him well enough to feel comfortable enough with him to spend time alone at his place or mine during the week (not really dates, but we could have dinner together, etc). Who knows, maybe I will still find such a man. I dated one for a while... it didn't work out, but time-wise, things were perfect for both of us and our busy lives.
The point of the thread was asking why people put they are busy in their profiles. I contend it's most likely because they are busy (like me) but don't want to stop dating for whatever reason. Maybe they hope they can find that relationship I would have liked (weekends to start, etc, etc). They figure there has to be other people out there who don't have a lot of free time out there, but who also want to date--that's why they try.
Last edited by jillabean; 05-16-2014 at 01:32 PM..
Moving right along...People who really choose (because it is a choice) to remain busy and/or make themselves busy just shouldn't try to entertain a serious, romantic relationship with non-busy people. Simple.
And non-busy people shouldn't get duped into believing they're gonna change a busy person's habits. It only has the possibility of changing or shifting IF you're Mr. or Ms./Mrs. Right.
I agree with some folks in here...
When it comes to OLD, "Busy," for mid 20s-late 30s, with no kids is more of a status or self-aggrandizing thing and a preemptive defense mechanism/distancing behavior, which is withdrawn only for a select few.
"Busy" for mothers with young children is BUSY... for real.
Busy for older women on the OLD market who remain the matriarch for the entire family is busy... for real.
The latter two I mentioned really have no reason to exaggerate their "busy-ness."
Quote:
Originally Posted by techcrium
Do I feel the need to broadcast to everyone that I am busy? No. Because if I like the person, I will try to make time for them. I will try to invite them to join me playing volleyball or watch movies with friends or whatever.
So why do some people (mostly women) feel the need to express it? Probably insecurity about using dating website.
Excellent points. No need to broadcast... for people who are truly busy, their high level of busy will speak for itself.
Quote:
Originally Posted by lilyflower3191981
Funny thing is that I've never told anybody "I am too busy"
He ASSUMED I would use "busy" as an excuse.
He said, "Don't tell me you are too busy, I don't buy it" which to me, it means "There must be something wrong about you that you haven't told me?"
LOL
I am very tempted to tell him, "Maybe I am just crazy. Satisfied? " haha
After reading your comments in this thread, I'm concerned for you. For real.
Oh, and you average 10 posts a day, btw. More than 3500 a year in two years. How busy are you again?
Y'all are damn near flatlining me in this thread!
A lot of y'all don't know what busy is... frankly, if you have time to post several times a day throughout the course of the entire day. You're not really busy. Busy people don't have time to follow threads and make multiple postings throughout the day in real time, in 8-15 minute intervals on a damn city data forum.
Get real.
Quote:
Originally Posted by FBJ
I tried to meet someone off this forum and when she found out I was 6'6 she changed her mind because she is only 5'1. We were scheduled to meet at the train station
Never knew singles from CD were meeting... Learn something new everyday. She must have been one of the sane posters.
How long did y'all exchange messages/talk before deciding to meet?
If you're that busy, why are you "looking" for a relationship?
Is "being busy" some sort of a status symbol?
Because in case they don't like you, you make them mad, they found someone more interesting or whatever excuse they need to not see you any longer, they can ALWAYS fall back on the "remember I told you I was a busy person when we first started talking". It's just a easy out excuse set at the beginning of the interaction. Nobody is that busy. If you truly are that busy a relationship is the last thing you should be getting involved in. Its a easy excuse that doesn't require any explanation or FTF contact to explain anything.
People always want to show how exciting their life is how they're going places and having so much fun doing it. Sure there are some like that but to lots of people "I'm busy" translates to going online after work and complaining how they can't find a meaningful relationship.
The I'm busy changes to I'm available when they like you and find you to be what they are looking for at the time.
Moving right along...People who really choose (because it is a choice) to remain busy and/or make themselves busy just shouldn't try to entertain a serious, romantic relationship with non-busy people. Simple.
And non-busy people shouldn't get duped into believing they're gonna change a busy person's habits. It only has the possibility of changing or shifting IF you're Mr. or Ms./Mrs. Right.
I agree with some folks in here...
When it comes to OLD, "Busy," for mid 20s-late 30s, with no kids is more of a status or self-aggrandizing thing and a preemptive defense mechanism/distancing behavior, which is withdrawn only for a select few.
"Busy" for mothers with young children is BUSY... for real.
Busy for older women on the OLD market who remain the matriarch for the entire family is busy... for real.
The latter two I mentioned really have no reason to exaggerate their "busy-ness."
Excellent points. No need to broadcast... for people who are truly busy, their high level of busy will speak for itself.
After reading your comments in this thread, I'm concerned for you. For real.
Oh, and you average 10 posts a day, btw. More than 3500 a year in two years. How busy are you again?
Y'all are damn near flatlining me in this thread!
A lot of y'all don't know what busy is... frankly, if you have time to post several times a day throughout the course of the entire day. You're not really busy. Busy people don't have time to follow threads and make multiple postings throughout the day in real time, in 8-15 minute intervals on a damn city data forum.
Get real.
Never knew singles from CD were meeting... Learn something new everyday. She must have been one of the sane posters.
How long did y'all exchange messages/talk before deciding to meet?
Classic post!!!!! In all honesty though, I DO understand lots of folks these days may work long hours, plus have family to care for, and their own interests/hobbies. People just don't have a lot of free time anymore, which is a shame, but this is 21st century life. I get that, I really do.
BUT- I'm sorry , even with all that stuff, no one is THAT busy, unless you have issues with time management. Trust me if George Clooney or Miranda Kerr (or whatever heart throb you enjoy) were to express interest, I bet those "too busy" calendars would open up real fast!!
When someone on a dating site says "I'm just so busy!", what I interpret that to mean is "I only date the [top] 10%, otherwise, don't bother wasting my time".
I still believe this, otherwise, they wouldn't be on a dating site looking to date, OR they wouldn't be saying "I'm just so busy".
Frankly, as someone who spent a few years working 100 hours a week, I know what busy is.
And I know how you will do without one thing to go for the thing that matters most.
Exactly! For most people, being "busy" is a choice. I work >70-hour work weeks, not because management insists upon it (if anything, they carp about "work-life balance"), but because that's a coping mechanism for surviving a lonely life. Throughout those long days, there are many distractions… pacing up and down the hallway with a coffee cup, internet browsing, this forum… if I really concentrated and prioritized, I'd be down to a 40-hour week; maybe 50-hours when surging. The remaining 20-30+ hours per week are workplace fluff. But I'm so... busy!
Reading? Working out? Maintaining the house? Hobbies? Yes, yes, yes and yes. But none of those things is essential. NOTHING becomes essential upon meeting the right partner. For random strangers with whom there is only remote potential of making a connection, indeed I'm busy. For persons of value, I'm never too busy.
Forgive me, but social activities and hobbies don't qualify as legitimate material for being "busy". All become ancillary when upon meeting the right person. Formation of a relationship should not mean completely surrendering one's leisure pursuits or sacrificing one's circle of friends in favor of one's new partner. But it does mean throttling back on time-fillers and amusements, as now one has an entirely new and far more satisfying time-filler and amusement. A relationship means substantial time shared together. Wait, I retract that… a relationship means a lifetime shared together! I don't need to completely partake of everything that my hopeful future spouse does. But if we can't share a large and substantial portion of our lives together, we're not a couple. If either one of us is unwilling to do this, we have no business becoming a couple.
If someone is really busy to date doesn't it make more sense to have a FWB and meet with him or her once a week?
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