Dating/relationships within your social class (women, love, single, American)

[iknowftbll]

In the last week I've seen a lot of comments suggesting that men and women should pursue partners who are within their social class. More specifically the suggestion is that they pursue partners whose income is close to that of their own. This seems to be more common regarding men seeking women who earn more than they do, but there those who apply the same concept to women who seek men with higher incomes.

This is a conceptual equivalent to "dating within your league" which focuses more on the physical aspect of dating and attraction. That argument typically goes something like, "An overweight or homely person should pursue only other overweight and homely people." I personally find this line of reasoning absurd, but the idea has its supporters here on the forum. And in the interest of good dialogue, I'll ask the same question, but as it relates to social class rather than physical appearance.

So what is the defense for this line of reasoning? For those who defend this idea, what are your arguments supporting it? For those who disagree, what are the best arguments opposing it?

[the minx]

Originally Posted by iknowftbll

In the last week I've seen a lot of comments suggesting that men and women should pursue partners who are within their social class.


For those who disagree, what are the best arguments opposing it?

Consider the source. That about sums it up.

[iknowftbll]

Originally Posted by the minx

Consider the source. That about sums it up.

I know, I know...

But my reason for asking is this: I've seen the arguments, but few have elaborated on why they feel this way. They just state how they believe it should be without giving a reason why.

[Phoenix2017]

I would glady hypothetically date or have a relationship with someone who comes from a less-advantaged class economically or financially than myself -- no problem with that; you can't put the value of real love on a specific economic class anyway

[matzoman]

This is just one more nail in the coffin for people who are single and miserable, I can not think of a more self defeating idea. Also, 'social class' means more than income. 'Income' is a very 'working class' status symbol, The true higher classes do not rely on income, they have investments and social capital. Class is something that most Americans are clueless about, they do not understand the concept of social and cultural capital. Forget about it and stop watching so much Dowton Abby LOL, Go get yourself laid and stop pretending to have something that you do not understand!

[iknowftbll]

Originally Posted by matzoman

This is just one more nail in the coffin for people who are single and miserable, I can not think of a more self defeating idea. Also, 'social class' means more than income. 'Income' is a very 'working class' status symbol, The true higher classes do not rely on income, they have investments and social capital. Class is something that most Americans are clueless about, they do not understand the concept of social and cultural capital. Forget about it and stop watching so much Dowton Abby LOL, Go get yourself laid and stop pretending to have something that you do not understand!

I actually agree, but for the sake of discussion will use income as a proxy for social class.

[Rhenzanite]

I'm interested in who I'm interested in. There's really not much more to it than that...although in general I do think people with money or really good looking men are out of my 'league' and I don't bother with them. They have better options and I'm not going to waste my time or put myself in a position to get used.

[the minx]

Originally Posted by iknowftbll

I know, I know...

But my reason for asking is this: I've seen the arguments, but few have elaborated on why they feel this way. They just state how they believe it should be without giving a reason why.

In my past relationships, I discovered that men who made significantly more money than I do were not good matches. I make a comfortable living, but I don't live an extravagant lifestyle by any means. I can't stand to see people throw money away just because they have it. I had trouble coming to terms with someone needing an $80k dollar car when a $30k car is just as good (among other things).

I wouldn't say that people should stay within their social class, but I can see potential pitfalls to getting involved. I would never deny a relationship with a man who made more money, but I would look carefully at the way he lives his life before going too far.

[iknowftbll]

Originally Posted by the minx

In my past relationships, I discovered that men who made significantly more money than I do were not good matches. I make a comfortable living, but I don't live an extravagant lifestyle by any means. I can't stand to see people throw money away just because they have it. I had trouble coming to terms with someone needing an $80k dollar car when a $30k car is just as good (among other things).

I wouldn't say that people should stay within their social class, but I can see potential pitfalls to getting involved. I would never deny a relationship with a man who made more money, but I would look carefully at the way he lives his life before going too far.

You are definitely on to something here, suggesting that people may be better off by dating within a comfort zone. The problem is that this is a matter of preference rather than a rule that some seem to want to impose on others. A self-imposed limitation to a certain income level doesn't quite fit question.

[the minx]

Originally Posted by iknowftbll

You are definitely on to something here, suggesting that people may be better off by dating within a comfort zone. The problem is that this is a matter of preference rather than a rule that some seem to want to impose on others. A self-imposed limitation to a certain income level doesn't quite fit question.

But it does fit the question.

Maybe those who like the "rule" have experienced what I did.