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Old 03-11-2013, 12:33 PM
 
Location: Oakland, CA
27,164 posts, read 29,645,043 times
Reputation: 26642

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In another thread, a woman is complaining about men trying to make a move too early on in the date (or interaction). I realized, there are some people who haven't quite mastered the art moving up the touch hierarchy before going for a kiss (or more).

Quote:
Originally Posted by jade408 View Post
There are a surprising number of 30+ men who do not seem to understand the concept of gradually escalating physical contact before making a move.

Like, if a someone shies away a bit when you touch their back...the odds of your kiss being successful are about 5%.
A man's response:

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dr. Clean View Post
Yeah, dudes need to start with a hug when the date starts. when i see some iffy-ness when i meet her up, I just say "hey give me a hug so we can get that out the way"... works wonders. then do the stupid palm reading trick, if she says "you know how to read palms ?" or whatever, I just "no, I just wanted to check out and hold your hands, you okay with that? haha" anything really, you gotta get the physical energy going, even if its a trickle.
It probably sounds a little too pickup artisty, but it is very true.

You can't just dive in for a kiss when you haven't shaken hands yet.

The path looks something like this, typically:
1. no contact
2. light contact in a neutral place (arm/upperback/handshake)
3. longer contact in a neutral place (maybe a hug)
4. light contact in a more personal place (like hand, leg, lower back, face)
5. you get the idea.....

And once you have got to "4" you are probably safe to move in for something more, provided she (or he) had a positive reaction to 1-4.

So chime in, how do you gradually up the physical contact to show someone you are interested? Where did you learn about this concept?
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Old 03-11-2013, 12:45 PM
 
Location: Brooklyn,NY
10,608 posts, read 13,135,231 times
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Honestly, My concept was taking it slow and having signs I would not be slapped/have a drink thrown at me if i tried anything.

The five steps listed-You are not referring to a single encounter encompassing those right?
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Old 03-11-2013, 01:02 PM
 
5,483 posts, read 6,374,583 times
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Life is too short to take things slow. While you are takiing it slow and trying to build up a courage to get physical, she will be seeing other guys who arent affraid to take what they want. As far as kino or physical contact, I know that PUA and many other sources speak of it as an absolute necessity, but I cant say that Ive seen it make a huge difference. Without any doubt, when you first meet, a guy has to escalate things step by step and evaluate her response, but Ive never found the physical touch as necessity. If you are comfortable enough, chances are that physical contact will take place, whether its you tocuhing her arm, back or shoulder, or whether its her putting a hand on top of your when making a point. The only physical contact im interested in, is a lot more personal than rubbing someones shoulder but if it happens naturaly than its not a b ig deal either.
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Old 03-11-2013, 01:21 PM
 
Location: SF CA, USA
4,188 posts, read 4,389,628 times
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Dang, that sounds complicated. There should have been a course on this in high school :P.

Seriously though, it does seem like something that some guys get naturally, learn organically and some don't. My cultural upbringing was pretty poor for this kind of stuff. I was always taught to take things slow, respect her space, and only go for the kiss if it was obvious she was inviting it. Thinking back to my first kiss she had to practically drag me outside for me to go for it. Palmface.jpg
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Old 03-11-2013, 01:25 PM
 
Location: US
5,144 posts, read 10,846,287 times
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Spare the guy and make the moves myself. I usually have known the person for awhile and wouldn't bother with them if I didn't want them touching me. Any dates that were not of that nature I flat out said what I find acceptable before the opportunity presents itself. Helps sort out those with impulse control and respect issues.

The getting it out of the way hug...no. No secret boob to chest feels for you.
Getting it out of the way also implies they would probably be bad in bed in the sense that they may want foreplay to be too short. Pass.

A gentleman always takes his time and always asks if he doesn't know.

Assuming...well we all know the saying with that one. LOL

Whats more likely to put you in good favor? Chance or saying something romantic like: "May I kiss you goodnight? I had a great time." In the heat of the moment..pulling back and gazing at her face and whispering in her ear "stop me if I am being to forward" and then SLOWLY put your hand on an area that is more neutral and go for the slow slide to the next destination with deeper kissing that you progress into slowly.
Its hotter anyway.

Rushed loving is lame.
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Old 03-11-2013, 01:29 PM
 
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Asking "may i kiss you goodnight" is likely the worst thing a guy can do. Bad advice
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Old 03-11-2013, 01:41 PM
 
2,888 posts, read 4,706,171 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ascension2012 View Post
Asking "may i kiss you goodnight" is likely the worst thing a guy can do. Bad advice
I agree, if you have to ask its pretty lame.
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Old 03-11-2013, 01:49 PM
 
Location: US
5,144 posts, read 10,846,287 times
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Its how you ask..if you whine like a b are are looking insecure..yeah...it is lame.(the delivery makes it or breaks it)

Maybe you guys are just not smooth enough to pull off the gentleman thing or never met a real one?

You two don't have your gender or relationship status in your profile so feel like offering that up for perspective's sake?

Being polite is lame?
Ok.

I would say embarrassing yourself by making unwanted sexual advances is more lame but hey..what do I know.

Last edited by Opsimathia; 03-11-2013 at 01:58 PM..
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Old 03-11-2013, 01:56 PM
 
977 posts, read 1,553,517 times
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Yeah, I have to agree. I always hold hands before I go for the kiss. I do some light touching before holding hands too, but I can't tell what I do as it's all subconscious. I kinda like building up the tension over the course of the date(s) as well.
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Old 03-11-2013, 01:58 PM
 
Location: Oakland, CA
27,164 posts, read 29,645,043 times
Reputation: 26642
Quote:
Originally Posted by D. Scott View Post
Honestly, My concept was taking it slow and having signs I would not be slapped/have a drink thrown at me if i tried anything.

The five steps listed-You are not referring to a single encounter encompassing those right?
It doesn't all need to happen in a single encounter. You might make it to step 2 on the first meeting. Or it may take 5 encounters.

I have hugged someone I met in a bar at the end of the conversation. Other people don't make it to step 2 for a few meetings. It is highly individual.

And it is definitely possible to ask in a way that doesn't come across as lame.


I am on my phone, please forgive the typos.
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