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Old 03-13-2013, 11:19 PM
 
87 posts, read 169,988 times
Reputation: 129

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As a real nice single guy in his 40's with a big heart and soul.....I have been sort of bewildered by last decade or so....when it comes to trying to court, befriend, and date ladies in the US these days. Online dating experiences have been really poor......meeting folks in public, like it was years ago...seems no longer possible. And all too often, I encounter a great deal of diffculty in the dating realm all together here in the USA. Do other single men notice this? Are other countries abroad as arduous as dating seemingly is in the USA?

As well....the online dating thing is like a crapshoot and/or a numbers game for men.....cause there are so many more single men online than single women. Online dating appears to be a women's paradise...getting the pick of the lot 99 percent of the time. Anyway.....I wish all well....this is just my experience and my opinion.....here are some things I tend to encounter in the dating realm...women who seem to be:

1) Picky...and holding out for a soulmate....or the guy with the most gorgeous looks and the best career...

1) Career obsessed....like the first or second question they ask men...

3) Concerned about astrogical signs

4) Troubled and leery due to past abusive relationships

5) Usually dating a few men at the same time...

6) Unnapproachable...even in nightclubs these days....along with everywhere else...

7) Slow to want to meet, and fast to discard a man if he seems overly eager..

....(but men are usally eager cause they have to fight so hard to compete and to get a slither of attention these days....so after years of trying to date and when they finally find someone who shows them a little attention after 9 years...lol...of course they will be eager! )

8) More apt to just email for a few months prior to meeting

9) Very adamant against sexuality, and seeming to label men as wanting nothing more than sex...

10) Fast to label men as creeps and jerks on dating sites on profiles.....

......( I see this on alot of women's profile on dating sites....their heading will read something like.."NO CREEPS, LOSERS OR JERKS PLEASE"...)

11) Fast to discard a man and move on to another over trivial things


I dont know about the rest of the world...but it appears that here in the USA...there is a deep divide, and a strong current of enmity and distrust, and a lack of warmth here in the states......betwixt the sexes....am I delusional? Have men over the years, brought this wrath down upon them from the ways they have treated women over the years? What is really going on? lol.....Blessings to all!

Last edited by quietrain; 03-13-2013 at 11:40 PM..

 
Old 03-13-2013, 11:24 PM
 
Location: southern california
55,647 posts, read 74,585,953 times
Reputation: 48140
jaded is ok with me, i can relate.
difficult and unrealistic means she is staying home this saturday night.
its ok that they are unfulfilled and angry as long as i dont have to date them.
 
Old 03-13-2013, 11:37 PM
 
Location: State of Transition
78,545 posts, read 70,455,727 times
Reputation: 76511
Why "in the US"? Have you tried dating all over the US, so that you know with certainty there are no regional differences?

Where do you live and what kind of women have you been choosing to date, that you get women who have an interest in astrological signs? I know a lot of single women, none of whom have any interest in that. 99% of these women have not been in an abusive relationship. None of them is holding out for looks or best career. Most women just want a decent guy who's interesting or fun to be with, and is stable, dependable and caring. Pretty much the same as what men want, except that most men seem to put a premium on looks, whereas generally women are more flexible in that regard.
What kind of behavior are you exhibiting, that causes you to run into adamant expressions against sexuality?

It's not being career obsessed to ask a man (or anyone) what he does. This is a core custom in our culture, that helps people size each other up. Normally, it's the first thing people ask each other at parties. Are you defensive or for some reason reticent about your employment status?

#11 on your list is true of men these days, as well as women. I think it's a syndrome of online dating culture. Now that you're 40, though, the online game is in your favor. At 40+ there are a lot more women posting than men.

"Concerned about astrological signs", lol! That slays me. Have you been limiting your dating pool to the Haight-Ashbury neighborhood of San Francisco? lol! ("What's your sign, man? Groovy!")
 
Old 03-13-2013, 11:39 PM
 
5,483 posts, read 6,375,673 times
Reputation: 5793
Feminst movement made them this way. Dont you find it curious that there are countless dating sites for american men to meet foreign women, but none exist for american women to meet foreign men?
 
Old 03-13-2013, 11:41 PM
 
10,026 posts, read 9,234,098 times
Reputation: 5893
Oh lovely, another woman bashing thread. Sure women are bitter but so are men.

Quote:
1) Picky...and holding out for a soulmate....or the guy with the most gorgeous looks and the best career...
Everyone wants their soulmate. As for looks no one wants someone they aren't attracted to. I am not interested in obese men so when one contacts me no interest. However I have seen more men online picky about looks.

Quote:
2) Career obsessed....like the first or second question they ask men...
Because speaking for myself many men I have encountered online don't have jobs. I don't want to support a man nor do I want him to support me.

Quote:
3) Concerned about astrogical signs
Well this one is silly so these women deserve to be alone.

Quote:
4) Troubled and leery due to past abusive relationships
Seen with this men a lot as well. I am leery so I take my time because after dating an emotionally abusive drunk and a con artist/pimp I have to be cautious.

Quote:
5) Usually dating a few men at the same time...
You have to do this when doing online dating because people change their mind often if they have other choices.

Quote:
6) Unnapproachable...even in nightclubs these days....along with everywhere else...
I am approachable but the thing is the men I don't want to approach me (much older, smelly, guys with kids)are often the ones who do. Besides in nightclubs when I am approached it's usually by perverts.

Quote:
7) Slow to want to meet, and fast to discard a man if he seems to eager...
If he is clingy then it scares me. I hate clingy men. The men in my experience who were often too eager just wanted anyone.

Quote:
8) More apt to just email for a few months prior to meeting
I like to meet as soon as possible.

Quote:
9) Very adamant against sexuality, and seeming to label men as wanting nothing more than sex...
I have nothing against sex but am not going to have it unless we are in a VERY serious relationship. Sorry but done with the idea of having sex with men I am just dating and not serious about. When a man asks about sex right away then it's all he wants from me.

Quote:
10) Fast to label men as creeps and jerks on dating sites on profiles...
There are great guys on dating sites but if truth be told have encountered far more creeps and jerks, like men who attack me because I won't date them (usually because they have kids or way too old), or men my age who tell me I am too old, or men who are way more pickier than they should be (like wanting younger or wanting thin when they are obese), or men asking sex questions.

Quote:
11) Fast to discard a man and move on to another over trivial things
I don't know about this one and I don't discard men that easily except if after a first meeting I feel nothing.
 
Old 03-13-2013, 11:44 PM
 
Location: Salinas, CA
15,016 posts, read 4,795,880 times
Reputation: 8076
Quote:
Originally Posted by quietrain View Post
As a real nice single guy in his 40's with a big heart and soul.....I have been sort of bewildered by last decade or so....when it comes to trying to court, befriend, and date ladies in the US these days. Online dating experiences have been really poor......meeting folks in public, like it was years ago...seems no longer possible. And all too often, I encounter a great deal of diffculty in the dating realm all together here in the USA. Do other single men notice this? Are other countries abroad as arduous as dating seemingly is in the USA?

As well....the online dating thing is like a crapshoot and/or a numbers game for men.....cause there are so many more single men online than single women. Online dating appears to be a women's paradise...getting the pick of the lot 99 percent of the time. Any.....I wish al well....this is just my experience and my opinion.....here are some things I tend to encounter in the dating realm...women who seem to be:

1) Picky...and holding out for a soulmate....or the guy with the most gorgeous looks and the best career...

1) Career obsessed....like the first or second question they ask men...

3) Concerned about astrogical signs

4) Troubled and leery due to past abusive relationships

5) Usually dating a few men at the same time...

6) Unnapproachable...even in nightclubs these days....along with everywhere else...

7) Slow to want to meet, and fast to discard a man if he seems to eager...

8) More apt to just email for a few months prior to meeting

9) Very adamant against sexuality, and seeming to label men as wanting nothing more than sex...

10) Fast to label men as creeps and jerks on dating sites on profiles...

11) Fast to discard a man and move on to another over trivial things


I dont know about the rest of the world...but it appears that here in the USA...there is a deep divide, and a strong current of enmity and distrust, and a lack of warmth here in the states......betixt the sexes....am I delusional? Blessings to all!
I probably can't agree with you on the first point, because a lot of guys also strongly consider appearance (good for the goose is good for the gander sort of thing). On most other points and especially on point # 7 I am generally with you. I think the astrological sign fad was already starting to fade by the early 80's. It was very common way back in the 70's. Maybe you are living in Marin County/Mendocino County or another "New Age" type community where that still happens (don't want to judge). Usually if people do the astrological sign comment nowadays, it is purely for fun or I would certainly hope so.

As for point # 7, they can discard a man for being too eager. However, if the man is the classic nice guy/respectful type and is not eager, they will often say that means he has no confidence and will also discard him (having it both ways). So that can be a "no win" situation and leaves guys trying to find a happy medium that probably does not exist in a lot of cases. You are also right about women coming out of the abusive relationships and how some will want to email for a few months first.

I guess women have their own "list" for men, too.

To be honest I think it can sometimes be a blessing in disguise to be "rejected" in the very early stages, though. That way the unstable, problematic types can't get at your money and well being. It is very brief and over and frees you up to meet a quality person or simply move on with your life. The impact on your life is brief and minimal. The increasing numbers of those types is unfortunate, though. For the ladies, there are also a lot of guys that are unstable, too (nothing is all one gender's fault).
 
Old 03-13-2013, 11:46 PM
 
Location: Up above the world so high!
45,269 posts, read 88,507,295 times
Reputation: 39856
Quote:
Originally Posted by quietrain View Post
As a real nice single guy in his 40's with a big heart and soul.....I have been sort of bewildered by last decade or so....when it comes to trying to court, befriend, and date ladies in the US these days. Online dating experiences have been really poor......meeting folks in public, like it was years ago...seems no longer possible. And all too often, I encounter a great deal of diffculty in the dating realm all together here in the USA. Do other single men notice this? Are other countries abroad as arduous as dating seemingly is in the USA?

As well....the online dating thing is like a crapshoot and/or a numbers game for men.....cause there are so many more single men online than single women. Online dating appears to be a women's paradise...getting the pick of the lot 99 percent of the time. Anyway.....I wish all well....this is just my experience and my opinion.....here are some things I tend to encounter in the dating realm...women who seem to be:

1) Picky...and holding out for a soulmate....or the guy with the most gorgeous looks and the best career...

1) Career obsessed....like the first or second question they ask men...

3) Concerned about astrogical signs

4) Troubled and leery due to past abusive relationships

5) Usually dating a few men at the same time...

6) Unnapproachable...even in nightclubs these days....along with everywhere else...

7) Slow to want to meet, and fast to discard a man if he seems overly eager..

....(but men are usally eager cause they have to fight so hard to compete and to get a slither of attention these days....so after years of trying to date and when they finally find someone who shows them a little attention after 9 years...lol...of course they will be eager! )

8) More apt to just email for a few months prior to meeting

9) Very adamant against sexuality, and seeming to label men as wanting nothing more than sex...

10) Fast to label men as creeps and jerks on dating sites on profiles.....

......( I see this on alot of women's profile on dating sites....their heading will read something like.."NO CREEPS, LOSERS OR JERKS PLEASE"...)

11) Fast to discard a man and move on to another over trivial things


I dont know about the rest of the world...but it appears that here in the USA...there is a deep divide, and a strong current of enmity and distrust, and a lack of warmth here in the states......betwixt the sexes....am I delusional? Have men over the years, brought this wrath down upon them from the ways they have treated women over the years? What is really going on? lol.....Blessings to all!

hmmm....since you are such a "real nice single guy" let me direct you to one of my all time favorite threads here that may give you some things to think about

Nice guys and good men
 
Old 03-13-2013, 11:46 PM
 
87 posts, read 169,988 times
Reputation: 129
Well I know from my experience online, lol...is that is men....including friends of mine...would have to send out tons of emails just to get one or two replies....and when we did....lol...if was usually from a lady who really was far from what we were hoping for...if I could send a picture or ten I would...then you might agree. Nuff said, without being rude.

But what is the problem with sex anyway? Is there not seemingly some stern uptightness toward it here in the states? Is that way in Europe too? Lastly, a good number of the women I met online were severe alcoholics as well.....a few came out to meet me and were already drunk...and driving! lol....
 
Old 03-13-2013, 11:46 PM
 
1,325 posts, read 1,669,655 times
Reputation: 1057
Don't take this too personal (and hard to respond otherwise since these are your views), but here are some of my thoughts:

--Having lived in other countries, I can certainly confirm there is some validity to your assertion that dating in the USA and dating American women is different, but your views reflect more of your perspective than those difference. By the way, you will find American women take this topic fairly personal so don't expect any confirmation, empathy, or support from any of them here. If you want to date/experiment with other cultures, go for it. I have and it's a refreshing and entertaining experience. Most American women will say the same when some men from other countries (Brits, French, etc.)

--Many of your views cross cultural dating standards and won't change when you date women from other countries (picky; concerns re past abusive relationships; limited approachability; believe men always think about getting into them into bed; reject/discontinue contact with men for unknown reasons --at least to you)

--And, in general, the other items you noted reflect more on your jaded/skewed generalization based on your personal experience. This isn't intended to be critical, we all have beliefs we've developed based on bad/negative/unfavorable dating experience with certain types.

P.S.: You can turn that astrology issue around to your advantage if you learn a little about it and find ways (unique, entertaining, comical) to talk about it with women. It's a great conversation item that can keep you from getting rejected/shut down by women since very few guys even talk about it. It's one of several topics called "chick crack" --topics women love talking about.
 
Old 03-13-2013, 11:49 PM
 
10,026 posts, read 9,234,098 times
Reputation: 5893
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruth4Truth View Post
Why "in the US"? Have you tried dating all over the US, so that you know with certainty there are no regional differences?

Where do you live and what kind of women have you been choosing to date, that you get women who have an interest in astrological signs? I know a lot of single women, none of whom have any interest in that. 99% of these women have not been in an abusive relationship. None of them is holding out for looks or best career. Most women just want a decent guy who's interesting or fun to be with, and is stable, dependable and caring. Pretty much the same as what men want, except that most men seem to put a premium on looks, whereas generally women are more flexible in that regard.
What kind of behavior are you exhibiting, that causes you to run into adamant expressions against sexuality?

It's not being career obsessed to ask a man (or anyone) what he does. This is a core custom in our culture, that helps people size each other up. Normally, it's the first thing people ask each other at parties. Are you defensive or for some reason reticent about your employment status?

#11 on your list is true of men these days, as well as women. I think it's a syndrome of online dating culture. Now that you're 40, though, the online game is in your favor. At 40+ there are a lot more women posting than men.

"Concerned about astrological signs", lol! That slays me. Have you been limiting your dating pool to the Haight-Ashbury neighborhood of San Francisco? lol! ("What's your sign, man? Groovy!")
Horoscope is the first thing I ask for. My profile starts out "I am an Aquarius are you compatible?". If their sign is not compatible, why go further?

Seriously though I have never judged by that but ironically almost all my exes were Geminis or Libras.
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