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Old 01-28-2016, 08:17 AM
 
6 posts, read 3,540 times
Reputation: 10

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Hey guys, I hope I got the category right. First of all, some basic info, we are all in our 20s and sorry for my english. You should be able to understand what I am trying to say but the post probably will contain a load of mistakes and stuff... Also, sorry for the long post!

I would like to hear some opinions on my "problem". I (together with my two friends) met a girl just few weeks ago. First evening was kind of fun, we were at a bar for a couple of hours, we really liked each other as friends, and eventually we went out (the four of us) again. The second time was different, we talked more, there was some alcohol included, we were all in the good mood (maybe a little more far away than that - especially her, she was kind of drunk in a cute way). I am the kind of guy which is very shy and I am having troubles recognizing those flirting signals from a girl, or to be more exact, I can recognize them, but I'm always having a fear that I might be wrong and because of that, first step is a big no-no for me. However, this girl was giving me signals that were so obvious, even I could see it, blindfolded. She was complimenting me all the time, she kept saying how cute I am, there were really long eye contact looks, lips-looks (even from me), but I didn't kiss her, nor touched her for a couple of reasons (in fact, when she didn't recieve my kiss or anything, she went really sad and was mumbling something about how dissapointed she is). The main reason is of course my shyness and the fact that she actually has been drinking and I was really worried it could ruin our friendship - which was a huge deal, because just from the 10 hours or so I knew her, I was sure about have brilliant person she was.

So, here we are, the girl that obviously like(d) me and I didn't do sh*t (I was kind of proud of myself then, but I am pissed at myself now). Not a big deal, but here comes the tricky part. My two friends really like her too, and instead of me, they were really pushing it and trying hard. They were complimenting her all the time, they were giving her hugs, and this kind of stuff. So, I was pretty sure that even though she liked me really much and was actually sad about the fact I didn't do anything about it, those two friends of mine were kind of compensating this with their trying. The girl keeps really sincerely saying how amazing and perfect we all are, how she loves us and how she is happy about meeting us (in fact she said she has to say a big thanks to the guy that introduces us (also our friend)). However, the two friends of mine (let's call them A and B) didn't seem to have a big shot with her at first. The A guy was cute, he is the nice-kind of guy (same as me, but he doesn't have a problem with flirting and stuff), the B guy was really straight forward, he was "going for it" and even though it was clear the girl really likes us, she didn't seem to like his flirting (she was turning her head when he tried to kiss her, etc) and she kept going back to me again.

As time went by, we hang out couple of more times (every day, in fact), but all the time it was all of us. Except for the guy A, which wasn't that straight forward with flirting as the B guy, but he was spending lot of time with her at a bar where she works. Few days ago, there was a party in one of my friends apartment, and there were also the four or us, among others. We have been drinking again, it was really fun, and even though we talked, the two guys (especially B) were trying to spend as much time as possible with her, they were hugging, he was holding her thighs, and so on. At the end of the night, there was only four of us (coincidence? I think not, hehe), we were really exhausted so we was just sitting on the ground and talking. The B guy was holding a hand around her shoulder, he was also holding her hand, she didn't seem to have a problem with that, and she unobtrusively said something like "Just sitting here, my right hand is free and I have nothing to do with it", so I got the message (congrats to me, right? -_-) and grabbed her hand, she smiled, I am pretty sure we both enjoyed it and when I said I am cold she offered her blanked and we went under it together. All of us was exhausted, so we were going to get to sleep, however, since I live literally just few minutes from my friends place, the other guys live much farther, and my friend only had three "places" to sleep, I offered to go home. Even though she said I should stay, that there is enough space for everyone, and she literally said that we could be sleeping together on one bed, and the B guy in the other (the A guy in the other room (his apartment, his room)). However, (not sure why), I said I'm going home. The A and B guys were literally arguing about who should and who shouldn't sleep in the one room alone, and who in the other room with her. The girl was really insisting on me staying. In fact, she shaid "I will go wherever (me) is going" and "I'll only stay if (me) stays." However, the B guy stayed with her and I went home.

The next day the B guy texted me and he said something happend, and he is worried whether it will or won't have an influence on our (and their) friendship. (He later admitted there was no sex, but there was some hand-action going on, he isn't the kind of guy who would make stuff up and I believe him. Also, I acted really cool, almost like I didn't care, and I wasn't angry at neighter one of them, because he couldn't possibly knew I like her, and at this point, it might have been same for the girl). Few days passed (we hang out a couple of times again as a group of friends, nothing seemed wrong or different except for some jokes and comments from the B guy about that night, but she didn't seem to collaborate on these, almost like nothing happened.

Few days ago, a friend of mine was celebrating his birthday at a bar and there was also the four of us (coincidence? I think not). We were hanging out for a pretty long time, and we were drining as well, but neither of us seemed that drunk. Not at all, actually. We were in the good mood. Eventually, some guys went home in the morning (including the A guy), and it was only me, the B guy and the girl. We stayed for an our or so (same situation all evening, not much flirting from me, except for some compliments), and the B guy pushing it really hard (again, there was some head turning when he tried to kiss her, and so on). Eventually, it would be difficult for me and the B guy to get home, and since she lived really near the place we hung out, she offered us to stay at her place. We agreed, we went to her place, and since she has a fresh furnished room, she only has one bed (or a mattress to be more specific) that could fit two people. The B guy kind of took dibs on the bed, and of course since it would be weird for the two guys to be sleeping on one bed, with the girl on the ground next to them, it was obvious it would be the B guy ad the girl on the bed, and me next to them. The girl actually ironically said to the B guy something like "How about you sleep on the ground and me and ("me") on the bed", but I didn't do anything about it, I didn't even try to argue with him about who should sleep where (I am a total idiot, I know), so I just smiled at her, and she made a "bed" using some blankets and stuff, and placed it beside the bed, right next to her actually. We went to sleep, we talked for a while, and then we went quiet and went to sleep. The B guy was turned to the girl, probably in a cuddly position, of course, but she was turned to my side and me to hers. Few minutes later, she grabbed my hand out of nowhere, I was really happy 'bout it, and I was just caressing her hand as I was falling a sleep. I didn't do anything more, no cuddling or anything like that, it wouldn't be very comfortable since her bed was few inches higher than mine, and also it would be weird to accidentaly touch the B guy instead of the girl, lol. So, we both fell asleep holding our hands, and I woke up a few times when we went deep asleep and break the "connection", but all the time, she took my hand again almost immediately. I was asleep so I don't know whether something happend betheen her and the B guy, I think I woke up on some laughing of the girl at the night but I am not sure. I hope nothing happened cause it would be pretty weird and creepy if the B guy was doing something while us holding hands.

When we woke up, everything seemed normal as usual, the B guy cimplimenting her (both of us actually, she had (and is having) some troubles and she was really sad and self-critical, which is kind of sad and funny at the same time, because she might be the nicest, kindest and most awesome girl I know, and we kept saying that to her. We had really nothing to do with our time so we decided to go out for a food, the three of us. All was well, it was actually the first time of me and the girl alone for an hour or so (because the B guy needed to go away for an hour). We had a tea, we talked, it was nice of course, there was some awkward silence as I am not much of a talker unless I get to know somebody really well, but nothing terrible and I had a good feeling about it. She even leaned her had over my shoulder as we were waiting to pay the the bill, and I grabbed her as well and put my arm around her shoulder, it felt cute and really good. Also, when we were alone, she told me she is really going to miss us guys when we'll left for college in a couple of days (I'm on winter break at the moment), and how she is not sure what is she going to do. I said it will be only me who is going to be away, since the A guy will be gone only two days a week and the B guy works here, so he stays. (I'm going to come visit just twice a month probably). After shaying this she shaid "well, it is actually YOU who is going to be missed". Then I said I'm going to miss her very much too and she said something like "...there will be plenty of girls there, no?" and I replied "yes, but that's just not it" or something like that. Then the B guy showed up and we went for a lunch, everything was great, we were joking around, and whe we finished, the B guy dropped us two downtown and he left for work. However, when they were saying goodbye to themselves, they kissed - I am really not sure whether it was a goodbye kiss on the cheeks or the kiss on the lips, but it seemed weird because until now, everytime we were saying goodbye, we were hugging (including the B guy), so this just seemed different and it wasn't very good for my confidence. So, ther was only two of us then, and we decided to go to a bar for a tea or coffee. As we were going, she grabbed my hand and we were walking holding hands and talked. All well. I am not a body language expert, but when we were walking and holding hands, we interlaced our fingers, which I am sure is not really a 'just good friends' thing. Then again I mihht be wrong here too. Then, we talked at the bar about some stuff, the "awkward" silence was covered with plenty of smiles and eye contacts, and later I found out the girl called the A guy and she wanted to ask him if he wants to stop by. He didn't return her call, but he called her half an hour later and came. We are really good friends, so everything was great of course, but since he is better at this stuff, and talked to her all the time, my confident went lower and I became more quiet suddenly.

We hung out for 5 hours or so, I wasn't very smooth-talking, but hey, nothing new there. My confidence was just descending with every hug he gave her when she said something sad, when she hugged him for playing her favourite song at the jukebox, and so on. I know it is a very nice gesture and they are friends and I should do it as well, but I am the kind of guy who after seeing these kind of stuff thinks all the signals she gave me were just friend-ish as well. And honestly, I can't really tell until now. Then, we all went home, we gave her a really long goodbye hug (as always), which I really love, and that is it. It was few days ago.

At the moment, we still hang out, the B guy seems to spend a lot of alone time with her (and I do not see behind the curtain, so I can't tell whether something is going on there or not), and the A guy told me he noticed it too and that neither of us should try to go farther in this relationship, than just being friends. I kind of agreed, but I said if something comes up, I probably won't be able to say "no" to her.

_______

So, I would really like to hear someones opinion on this. I am (or was) pretty sure about the signals she is giving me, but there are so much other stuff that proves this "theory" wrong, that I really don't know what to do or how to understand her. All four of us are really good friends (probably the best ones) and we (the guys) know each other for 20 years (moreless).

I know my best (and maybe only) chance to get out of this is to be more open (like the two guys), care more about her (which I REALLY do, but I don't express it very well), and so on. It is my sh*t I got to deal with. But, I am worried whether it is not too late or not. Because she really seems to actually be interested in more of us, which sounds weird and insulting, but believe me, she is absolutely brilliant (I can't say a single bad thing about her).

Btw., if you made it this far, I salute you. Also, I am not THAT much of an idiot as it seems, but I wrote the post this way and with this amount of detail just to make sure you know everything required for you to be able to help.

Thank you, once again!

Last edited by Lorenn19; 01-28-2016 at 08:26 AM..
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Old 01-28-2016, 08:23 AM
 
2,970 posts, read 2,758,328 times
Reputation: 3176
OP:

Could you please condense your post.

Too much information to read.

Just include what is absolutely necessary.

Not every minute, small detail.
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Old 01-28-2016, 08:26 AM
 
Location: SoCal again
20,693 posts, read 19,838,965 times
Reputation: 42975
Can anybody sum it up?


I'll start:


Loreen is actually a dude.
The first 3 paragraphs tell us he hangs out at a bar with friends, they all want that ONE girl and he is too shy to flirt much, even though she is into him.


THen I got tired.
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Old 01-28-2016, 08:34 AM
 
Location: The Great West
2,084 posts, read 2,611,627 times
Reputation: 4112
Quote:
Originally Posted by oh-eve View Post
Can anybody sum it up?


I'll start:


Loreen is actually a dude.
The first 3 paragraphs tell us he hangs out at a bar with friends, they all want that ONE girl and he is too shy to flirt much, even though she is into him.


THen I got tired.
She continues to flirt with him as he does nothing. She then hooks up with (via "hand action") with one of the more outgoing friends who likes her. She and OP still continue to hang out and she tells him she will miss him when he returns to college. But she still wants to hang out with the other guys so OP assumes she doesn't like him, though she clearly does.

OP, if you like her, do something about it. Some women will just straight up tell you but this one is settling for just strong hints. Gotta pick up on those man.
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Old 01-28-2016, 08:36 AM
 
6 posts, read 3,540 times
Reputation: 10
Well guys, not really. If you read through you would know it is not that simple. I am shy at first, but when I get to know someone (kind of the present day), I can be a total extrovert. I really don't think it could be summed up.

Because if you did, like oh-eve, even MY advice would be "Go for it" and nothing more.

Currently it seems I fu*ked up and she actually wants to spend time with the B guy more. She sits next to him, she orbits around him more, and so on. I am kind of worried whether it is not too late.

I would really appreciate your help, it is about three minutes of reading.

But if you do not have time, thanks anyway.

FUN FACT is, that on another relationships forum multiple guys and women thought the girl is just playing all of us. Which is kind of strange, as you guys seem to have a different opinion.
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Old 01-28-2016, 08:37 AM
 
Location: SoCal again
20,693 posts, read 19,838,965 times
Reputation: 42975
whatever happened to guy codes?


If you guys are friends, why don't you have a chat and then the others (or you) leave the girl alone and only one flirts with her?


Wait .. she gave one a hand job and then came back to you? Okidoki. NEXT.
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Old 01-28-2016, 08:37 AM
 
Location: State of Denial
505 posts, read 367,041 times
Reputation: 885
Why oh why is there this influx of wall-of-text first time posters? Do they not realize that hardly anyone will bother reading past 50% of the first paragraph?
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Old 01-28-2016, 08:38 AM
 
Location: SoCal again
20,693 posts, read 19,838,965 times
Reputation: 42975
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lorenn19 View Post
Well guys, not really. If you read through you would know it is not that simple. I am shy at first, but when I get to know someone (kind of the present day), I can be a total extrovert. I really don't think it could be summed up.

Because if you did, like oh-eve, even MY advice would be "Go for it" and nothing more.

I would really appreciate your help, it is about three minutes of reading.

But if you do not have time, thanks anyway.
Okay, then why are you here? GO FOR IT!!!


What's the worst that can happen? It already happened, she made out with your friend.
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Old 01-28-2016, 08:38 AM
 
Location: Central IL
20,726 posts, read 16,234,163 times
Reputation: 50368
You've all waited too long to make a move. Why are you all so chicken? Probably the first one of you to make an ACTUAL date (a date means just you TWO, no other bystanders!) will have a great chance to have an actual relationship. But I get the idea that non of you really want a relationship, so carry on as you have.
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Old 01-28-2016, 08:39 AM
 
Location: The Great West
2,084 posts, read 2,611,627 times
Reputation: 4112
Actually it is that simple and you are just making excuses for why you don't express anything toward this woman. I've known a lot of shy men like yourself and they often do need HUGE hints but they still clue in. I'm also not afraid to ask men out so that helps.
What advice are you trying to get? For us to tell you it's OK to do nothing? Fine, do that and one of the other friends might date her instead and you will just feel sorry for yourself. Sorry but that's the truth.
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