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Old 03-27-2013, 10:04 PM
 
Location: State of Transition
102,068 posts, read 107,003,261 times
Reputation: 115863

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Wry_Martini View Post
While you definitely shouldn't snoop and read your partners email, text messages, etc... If you're in an open relationship or poly situation, you DEFINITELY shouldn't read their emails or texts. That's just asking for a world of hurt.
There's a certain logic to this. If you've agreed to an open relationship, you would have no need to read your partner's messages, OP. If you feel the need to read the messages, you shouldn't have agreed to an open relationship, because clearly, you can't handle it.
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Old 04-08-2013, 09:49 PM
 
Location: Los Angeles
1,045 posts, read 1,628,613 times
Reputation: 549
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sharky2Sharks View Post
Let's get something straight Papi, you didn't look at the text by mistake. You wanted to be in your girls business and as a result got your feelings hurt. You are dead wrong for reading her phone but atleast you know this girl isn't as serious with you as you think. She has a back-up just in case you fail. Don't worry about it though, most girls do.
i don't think he meant "mistake" as in he accidentally read it...he meant mistake as in, afterwards he realized he shouldn't have and felt bad. Although, in my opinion you wouldn't have read it if you felt there was nothing to fear...no mistake or bad on your part at all. You had a hunch, you went with it and now you know the truth... but what will you do?
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Old 04-08-2013, 09:54 PM
 
Location: New Zealand and Australia
7,454 posts, read 13,386,957 times
Reputation: 7783
................

Last edited by dave nz; 04-08-2013 at 09:55 PM.. Reason: thought better of it
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Old 04-09-2013, 12:17 AM
 
8,781 posts, read 9,408,016 times
Reputation: 9547
3 year open relationship....mmmk

if you know you are in an open situation you should also know she talks to and makes plans with other people. not seeing the need to snoop around in this situation

yes you where wrong looking, but knowing what you do now and how you feel about it do what you need too

Last edited by rego00123; 04-09-2013 at 01:03 AM..
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Old 04-09-2013, 12:46 AM
 
Location: Southern California
15,083 posts, read 20,403,636 times
Reputation: 10343
Quote:
Originally Posted by stwdar87 View Post
I made a mistake and read a text message on a girl I have been seeing for three years, phone. We had made plans to spend the evening together at a hotel that night. Dinner, dancing, etc. While out that night, she asked me to use her phone to call a cab. I got nosy and looked at the text message screen while on hold. I came across a text message from her, to another guy. She sent it 3 hours after we had made plans, asking another guy to hang out that same night. I was VERY upset, still am. She says, she did nothing wrong because the other guy didn't respond and she didn't cancel on me....and that I am the only one at fault here, for being nosy. I feel like it WAS a mistake to look at the message, however am still very hurt that she was TRYING to stand me up. Am I wrong for being upset????
This is a case of two "problems" - one is much bigger than the other. The first is your snooping through her text messages. The other is her apparently having a backdoor plan. No prizes for guessing which one is worse. You admit your error but she's in denial about her's.

[you are not wrong to be upset]
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Old 04-09-2013, 01:16 AM
 
Location: The canyon (with my pistols and knife)
14,169 posts, read 22,604,535 times
Reputation: 17328
Quote:
Originally Posted by taydigga View Post
i don't think he meant "mistake" as in he accidentally read it...he meant mistake as in, afterwards he realized he shouldn't have and felt bad. Although, in my opinion you wouldn't have read it if you felt there was nothing to fear...no mistake or bad on your part at all. You had a hunch, you went with it and now you know the truth... but what will you do?
I agree with your perspective. Jealousy and possessiveness are like trace dietary minerals: too much is bad, but so is none. A trace of it is vital. Too much jealousy and possessiveness will smother your partner and bring negativity to the relationship, but none at all gives the relationship no definition. A trace amount of each goes a long way in terms of self-preservation and establishing proper boundaries. Every meaningful relationship involves a degree of possession by each person involved, and proper boundaries for both. These are exactly what make it exclusive in the first place.

I've had my own issues with security in relationships, but honestly, I feel justified because every time I've had a bad hunch in a relationship, there's been something going on behind my back. I don't have a problem with a woman I'm with having male friends, but it's whenever one of those friends seems to take on a higher profile than the rest that I start to wonder where her mind is. From my experience, whenever a woman starts to get especially affectionate and/or flirtatious with another man, then she's about to go astray, sexually or emotionally. Both are unacceptable to me.

Security in a relationship comes from trust, and trust has to be earned. If you start talking to another man the same way you talk to me, or making almost as much time for him as you do for me, then you're beginning to violate my trust. Yes, I've "snooped" before, but each time I have I've uncovered something egregious enough to justify ending the relationship. And no, I haven't snooped in every relationship either. It's all a matter of trust. Violate mine and all guarantees are null and void.
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Old 04-09-2013, 01:20 AM
 
16,488 posts, read 24,403,964 times
Reputation: 16338
Quote:
Originally Posted by stwdar87 View Post
I made a mistake and read a text message on a girl I have been seeing for three years, phone. We had made plans to spend the evening together at a hotel that night. Dinner, dancing, etc. While out that night, she asked me to use her phone to call a cab. I got nosy and looked at the text message screen while on hold. I came across a text message from her, to another guy. She sent it 3 hours after we had made plans, asking another guy to hang out that same night. I was VERY upset, still am. She says, she did nothing wrong because the other guy didn't respond and she didn't cancel on me....and that I am the only one at fault here, for being nosy. I feel like it WAS a mistake to look at the message, however am still very hurt that she was TRYING to stand me up. Am I wrong for being upset????
Did you and your GF have an agreement that you were only seeing each other? If that was the case then yes, you would have a reason to be very upset. If you do not have a committed relationship then I would think you would both be free to date who you want.
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Old 04-09-2013, 03:50 AM
 
1 posts, read 706 times
Reputation: 10
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dr. Clean View Post
walk away, go cold on her, start dating other women, and don't return her calls, text, etc. wait until she comes trying to chase you down to ask "whats wrong, why aren't you returning me calls??" you apparently are no longer her top priority and she doesn't believe she should treat your relationship with any respect beyond a friendship.

people don't usually realize what they have until they see what they are losing, or have lost. get lost if you want to do a power shift, if you can handle that. women are also pretty good at doing the guilt trip and you best move is to do a trap door on her to let her know she is replacable, effective immediately. If you beg, plead, or start acting needy to get her back, you end up losing, which includes your self-respect, and she will think of you as a loser for falling for her bullsh*t. good luck, and btw getting laid by another chick usually puts the heartbreak at bay for a while, so get laid as often as you can --which i promise you will work wonders on her female intuition
i agree with you on that one buddy, my wife was a little tart when we first got together, she would constantly wind me up, smiling & waving at men she doesn't know or has never even met, ex-boyfriends asking to meet up with her & her even thinking about doing it, i am her 3rd husband, cheated on all of them including myself i think, why i say that is secret Facebook accounts, text messages from men saying why dont you like me no more, her sending messages saying i miss u, things like that,

i done exactly has you said do & within 2days of me not answering her calls, she panics & starts going round all my friends & family's house trying to find me, when she finally found me, she said i thought i lost you, then she started sucking up to me & being really paraniod about me, saying to me i cant beleave you find it so easy to walk out just like that, i thought you loved me etc

my response was, not many people like tarts, so whats to like & love,

no man should have to share is girlfriend or wife with other scumbags, so if your suspicious about your partner & have to snoop around to protect yourself, then so be it, in hate slappers & cheats, they don't deserve to be loved.
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Old 04-09-2013, 04:12 AM
 
35,095 posts, read 50,995,383 times
Reputation: 62661
Quote:
Originally Posted by stwdar87 View Post
I made a mistake and read a text message on a girl I have been seeing for three years, phone. We had made plans to spend the evening together at a hotel that night. Dinner, dancing, etc. While out that night, she asked me to use her phone to call a cab. I got nosy and looked at the text message screen while on hold. I came across a text message from her, to another guy. She sent it 3 hours after we had made plans, asking another guy to hang out that same night. I was VERY upset, still am. She says, she did nothing wrong because the other guy didn't respond and she didn't cancel on me....and that I am the only one at fault here, for being nosy. I feel like it WAS a mistake to look at the message, however am still very hurt that she was TRYING to stand me up. Am I wrong for being upset????

You are wrong because she gave you permission to use the "phone" part of her telephone NOT her TEXT MESSAGES. You got your feelings hurt and became upset BUT YOU CAUSED IT so don't be snooping into something that is none of your business.
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Old 04-09-2013, 10:01 AM
 
Location: Richardson, TX
8,734 posts, read 13,764,871 times
Reputation: 3807
Trust, yet verify.
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