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Old 03-21-2013, 05:45 PM
 
3,863 posts, read 1,878,937 times
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For the rejection-phobes (from a recovering rejection phobe


A lot of things are guaranteed. Two of them are rejection, and death. Why did I choose these two words in the same sentence? Seems absurd, doesn't it? Yet, this is how some of men feel about rejection. I have always known that rejection is far from the worst thing to happen to someone. Why did I fear it? For many reasons including all the hundreds of reasons listed on this forum alone.

How I handle rejection is that I have acquired some perspective. I have the understanding that there are plenty of women in the world. You walk up, she says no. You move on to the next. Does rejection still hurt? Not as much as it used to. Can it get nasty? Yes. If someone gets nasty to you and you were a gentleman about your approach, then understand that it is probably more her, than you. If a multitude of women are getting nasty, then you might have to do a self examination. However, a simple no, is not as bad as you may think.

(spoken from the male perspective which I only know, but this goes in general)
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Old 03-21-2013, 05:51 PM
 
12,298 posts, read 7,331,366 times
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Rejection is a part of life in that most people will experience it at some point and of course you have to keep going after you've been rejected if you want to have anything, but being rejected over and over is a very painful experience (hell, it's even painful to experience once) and the more you experience it, the harder it becomes to take the steps you need to.

That is just my feeling on it.

Females get rejected in the sense that a male will overlook her or not approach her. Or he'll approach her but then change his mind and go off with another girl (very common in the early stages, not talking about being dumped). Both genders get friendzoned sometimes too. That is also rejection.
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Old 03-21-2013, 06:02 PM
 
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There are good books available on amazon that can help. Look for "Feel the Fear and Do it Anyway" by Susan Jeffers. She has several books on this topic.

But guys should also study/think about how door-to-door salesmen, comedians, and broadway actors have done this. It's really all about mind set, breaking new barriers, etc., and of course practice.

Approach anxiety is such an interesting psychological enigma. Really, how is that guys get nervous about meeting an attractive woman? So strange we have gotten to this point.
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Old 03-21-2013, 06:07 PM
 
Location: The Valley of the Sun
1,484 posts, read 942,416 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TJenkins602 View Post
Can it get nasty? Yes. If someone gets nasty to you and you were a gentleman about your approach, then understand that it is probably more her, than you.
A simple no, no thank you or "I have a boyfriend" is ok and will not hurt my feelings in the slightest. If she gets rude, demeaning or belligerent the she better watch out because if I've got a drink handy then it's going in her face.
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Old 03-21-2013, 06:08 PM
 
4,858 posts, read 3,185,906 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TJenkins602 View Post
For the rejection-phobes (from a recovering rejection phobe

A lot of things are guaranteed. Two of them are rejection, and death.
I think you may have perhaps forgotten taxes, in the mix of guaranteed things in life, above...

Quote:
...

You walk up, she says no. You move on to the next. Does rejection still hurt? Not as much as it used to.

...
The problem with rejection and the kind that can really crush a guy's spirit and soul is not really say 1-10 rejections, but more like 100-200 (universal/mass) rejections...
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Old 03-21-2013, 06:08 PM
 
10,994 posts, read 10,961,904 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by srjth View Post
Rejection is a part of life in that most people will experience it at some point and of course you have to keep going after you've been rejected if you want to have anything, but being rejected over and over is a very painful experience (hell, it's even painful to experience once) and the more you experience it, the harder it becomes to take the steps you need to.

That is just my feeling on it.

Females get rejected in the sense that a male will overlook her or not approach her. Or he'll approach her but then change his mind and go off with another girl (very common in the early stages, not talking about being dumped). Both genders get friendzoned sometimes too. That is also rejection.
that is a far cry from the guy who has to engage the female.....you dont know if she is single, unavailable, a lesbian, has cramps and despises all men, not in the mood to be approached, etc. etc,

like i say-dogs have it made,,,a couple sniffs and they know right where they stand,,no bs
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Old 03-21-2013, 06:12 PM
 
4,858 posts, read 3,185,906 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by srjth View Post
...but being rejected over and over is a very painful experience (hell, it's even painful to experience once) and the more you experience it, the harder it becomes to take the steps you need to.

That is just my feeling on it.
Agreed 100% with your excellent and very well-spoken analysis above, my friend srjth Lol, you said it much better and more elegantly than I did, in my post
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Old 03-21-2013, 06:12 PM
 
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I don't have approach anxiety, unless the guy is acting like a real jerk or belligerent in general, at which time I'd probably get turned off by him and not want to get to know him anyway. What I experience is a crippling feeling of intimidation after I've either approached a guy or he's approached me and we start talking. I enter into a state of shock that it's really happening and I freeze in fear and start thinking bad things (usually about myself).

Quote:
Originally Posted by mainebrokerman View Post
that is a far cry from the guy who has to engage the female.....you dont know if she is single, unavailable, a lesbian, has cramps and despises all men, not in the mood to be approached, etc. etc,

like i say-dogs have it made,,,a couple sniffs and they know right where they stand,,no bs
Meh. I don't have approach anxiety because it's easy for me to take no when it's delivered immediately. I would never wait a long time to approach someone. That is a mistake, imho. You set yourself up for a greater feeling of disappointment that way, if he/she says no.
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Old 03-21-2013, 06:19 PM
 
361 posts, read 286,206 times
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I used to think rejection was an awful, soul-crushing experience.

Then, I got older. Now I think it is one of the best things that can happen to a person. And the other person does all the work.

There are many reasons for a rejection, most of them bogus or made up. But you have to give the other person credit if they are the ones coming to you. It takes courage, unless a person is deliberately trying to mean (and that DOES happen).

But overall, the person is probably doing you a favor. You are freed up to pursue other interests, without the access baggage being dragged along.

Bottom line is - why would you care? If a person does not want to be with you, why would you want to be with them?

Look at it as a big time saver.
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Old 03-21-2013, 06:22 PM
 
10,994 posts, read 10,961,904 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by srjth View Post
I don't have approach anxiety, unless the guy is acting like a real jerk or belligerent in general, at which time I'd probably get turned off by him and not want to get to know him anyway. What I experience is a crippling feeling of intimidation after I've either approached a guy or he's approached me and we start talking. I enter into a state of shock that it's really happening and I freeze in fear and start thinking bad things (usually about myself).



Meh. I don't have approach anxiety because it's easy for me to take no when it's delivered immediately. I would never wait a long time to approach someone. That is a mistake, imho. You set yourself up for a greater feeling of disappointment that way, if he/she says no.
you proved my point, it's much easier for woman, men dont get offended
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