Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
My impression was that that was the entire issue...that there's no way they can afford to stay in Manhattan if she goes the stay-at-home route, but that she's turning up her nose at more affordable locales (where the OP has a chance for a higher paying job, no less). It just seems shortsighted, and, dare I say, bit selfish on her part.
I don't know - a person can want something but be willing to do something else. All he said was that she wanted to stay home - but it sounds like she is still working. He didn't make it sound like she was quitting her job or anything - just that this was an ideal of hers. But I could be wrong. I'm not the OP nor am I his wife.
I'm sensing that husband wants wife to either stay at home full-time, or work full-time, but wife enjoys working part-time and doesn't want to stay at home full-time.
He said he makes twice as much as her, but that's still $125K.
Firstly, your kids are all under 7, so the uprooting them from their schools argument is just silly. I've heard they have schools in Illinois, and also speech therapists.
If I were you, I'd tell my wife that, if the situation were reversed, you would move for her job advancement. That should guilt her into it.
Nothing needs to be forever. She wants to stay home with the kids and freelance, so you should take advantage of the opportunity, and at some point in the future, you can always go back to NYC.
I don't know - a person can want something but be willing to do something else. All he said was that she wanted to stay home - but it sounds like she is still working. He didn't make it sound like she was quitting her job or anything - just that this was an ideal of hers. But I could be wrong. I'm not the OP nor am I his wife.
That was also the impression I got from reading that particular line but hey, perhaps Tabula is right. Needless to say, they are going to have to make a decision on way or the other.
I'm sure the wife realizes this - and I suspect she's exaggerating for effect. Chicago is a major metropolitan city. But it's the only major city in that area. It's not like being in NYC, where you can basically be in another major city in a few hours. You're not in that belt.
I moved to Denver from Central Jersey, and I don't regret it one bit. Don't really miss that area much either. But for raising kids? I wouldn't trade my Jersey/NY/PA upbringing for anything. I spent my summers at the beach (not always in Jersey). I actually grew up amidst former battlefields from the Revolutionary War. We had daytrips from my school to Philly, NYC, and Baltimore (the aquarium), took overnight trips to DC. There were numerous top-tier colleges and universities (one of which I eventually attended) within a few hours' drive. I was exposed to many cultural traditions that were not my own.
Same here. And I lived the NYC lifestyle for a long time, so I get the difficulty in transitioning. As hard as it was, leaving was the right choice for me, but I left for another big city nearby.
I'm sensing that husband wants wife to either stay at home full-time, or work full-time, but wife enjoys working part-time and doesn't want to stay at home full-time.
He said he makes twice as much as her, but that's still $125K.
I was thinking about this too. Why should it matter if she has some kind of marketing job that she can only have in Manhattan if she wants to quit it to become a SAHM? They're looking at a net loss of 25k if they move to Chicago or will be forced to struggle on, obviously living beyond their means on $375k, in a "small" apartment while employing a nanny.
Where's that little fiddle that plays a sad, sad tune?
Come on, you dont honestly think that is the root of her unwillingness to move do you? There is more to it and she is simply padding the core issues with trivial jargon. I tend to ignore stuff like that and focus on the main
I typically take posts at face value. If someone takes the time to register here because they are in such need of advice, one would think that the most pertinent details would be included. Apparently, the beer bellies in Chicago are a huge issue for the wife.
If the OP had some meatier, more realistic reasons for her apprehension other than snobbery, I would think he would have posted them. Starting a thread asking for advice and expecting the members to be mind readers and say "Well, he says this but I'm sure he means this" is a bit much.
I'm shocked that the wife would turn away another $100k a year without at the very least checking out the new possible city. Seems an increase like that and a lower COLA would give them a pretty nice future for the family.
I hate to say this, being a WFHM, but if it's a question of a $100K salary difference AND she wants to stay at home, she really does need to give this a chance.
It sucks that when you're not the breadwinner, these choices aren't really up to you (the wife in this case), but if there's a decided salary difference and if you're just scraping by now, the choice is probably pretty clear.
I do feel bad for your wife. This is going to hurt her tremendously, she is going to suffer, feel very homesick and perhaps be depressed. BT,DT. But yeah. Logistically, the choice is really yours. Especially if she wants to stay home...I do understand that what you're making now is just scraping by in Manhattan (I'm originally from the northeast).
I am hurting horribly for your wife but the decision really is yours if you're the primary breadwinner and she wants to stay home.
... my $250k salary ...job opportunity in Chicago that would give me about a $100k raise....she's going to make the transition very difficult if she's not happy.
What can I do to make this transition palatable for her?
Tell her to grow the eff up and think of how much space you will need when your three children want their own bedrooms, space that you will not be able to afford in Manhattan even if you do, by some miracle, manage to find it.
Unbelievable, how utterly spoiled rotten she sounds. What a First-World whiner.
Ugh, I need a beer.
And no, Manhattan is most definitely not all that. I've worked there. To quote Eric Northman, the people are rude and it smells like pee.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
