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Ok so I'm new here, but I needed someone else's opinion since I don't have a lot of girlfriends.
I've been dating my current boyfriend for almost 2 years now, though I knew him for about a year before we started dating. He's so supportive of me, I feel I can talk to him about anything and he never puts me down. I love every second I get to spend with him, but I'm concerned because I feel like our career choices are leading away from us having a future together.
I'm 20 and a junior in college, and I'm about to have an out of state internship this summer (roughly 26 hours and 2 timezones away). He's 24 and about to graduate this year, although this is his 6th year of college because he kept transferring before I met him.
So here's the problem, I guess. If I get offered a job after my internship, I know without a doubt I want to take it. I couldn't ask my boyfriend to uproot himself for the sake of my job, but because of a recent financial problem that has caused him to gradutate with a different degree so that he can leave sooner, he now doesn't know what he wants to do, and I don't know how to accomodate him in my decision. As I said, I can talk to him about anything, and I have brought this up more than once, but it always ends with him getting defensive and nothing actually getting accomplished. Before the unexpected change in major, he wanted to be a professor, but that would require more schooling and no help this time from his family. He also has always talked about joining the military, but he would have to lose at least 30 lbs, graduation is in may, and his lease ends in june (which he cannot afford to maintain). And with budget cuts I doubt they are taking a lot of people. He refuses to go talk to the recruiter until he graduates and ends the lease, but he has no ideas where he will stay or what he will do once that happens. Nor has he tried to start exercising or eating better, even when I offered to do it too. I would be fine if he didn't want to join the army, but it bothers me that he has labeled this as his "plan a" and isn't doing anything to get on track! Right now, he works minimum wage at the fast food restaurant where we met when he started 3 years ago. Of course, I'm not bothered by this either, seeing as I used to work there. But he hasn't tried to move up at all or even work full time. His excuse is that "I don't want to be a manager because I wont be there forever" and claims he can't work more than 2 days because of school, which is BS because all his free time is spent online with his friends, never studying.
He has ambition, but doesn't think about the steps it takes to reach his goals or actually do them. I want to see him do something with his life, but I know he is tired of hearing it from both me and his family. I also don't want to hurt my career by refusing a good offer to wait around for him to get it into gear. Should I just end it now, or give him a time frame? How do I work through this without either of us compromising too much?
So here's the problem, I guess. If I get offered a job after my internship, I know without a doubt I want to take it. I couldn't ask my boyfriend to uproot himself for the sake of my job, but because of a recent financial problem that has caused him to gradutate with a different degree so that he can leave sooner, he now doesn't know what he wants to do, and I don't know how to accomodate him in my decision. As I said, I can talk to him about anything, and I have brought this up more than once, but it always ends with him getting defensive and nothing actually getting accomplished.
Cross that bridge when you come to it. You're unnecessarily wasting time, energy, and putting stress on your relationship with a hypothetical. Believe, you will figure it out when you get there. You have other issues going on, but this may resolve those issues if it comes to that point.
You're both young. Stop pressuring him about his life (he will figure that out) and take the internship you got offered and then let the chips fall where they may.
Location: Went around the corner & now I'm lost!!!!
1,544 posts, read 3,599,250 times
Reputation: 1243
Quote:
Originally Posted by srjth
You're both young. Stop pressuring him about his life (he will figure that out) and take the internship you got offered and then let the chips fall where they may.
I agree with the two of them. Just stay focus on your goals and career; not his situation... that's his problem.
Do your thing. You two are not joined at the hip. He is a grown-up, although there is not much evidence of that.
I don't really think he does have ambition. I believe he has ideas, but he does not seem to have a track record of acting on those ideas. He only reacts, and not very quickly.
Pursue the internship. Tell him it's an opportunity you can't pass up. I would leave town with the plan to date other people. Keep in touch with him if you want to. Do your best. Go where life takes you.
It is a perfect chance to make a clean break and live your life without unnecessary baggage. These concerns you are having ... that's your conscience telling you to move on.
Why the heck would anyone join the military if he already has a degree? Is he otherwise unemployable? I understand some people join to get a free education, but many end up regretting it. A lot get sent "over there" and return with all sorts of screws loose. WTF?
Don't worry about your internship, that's a great idea. Just keep moving forward and hope BF finds a good job and comes to his senses.
And why not ask him to come with you? He doesn't seem likely to be going anywhere else.
Why the heck would anyone join the military if he already has a degree? Is he otherwise unemployable? I understand some people join to get a free education, but many end up regretting it. A lot get sent "over there" and return with all sorts of screws loose. WTF?
Those who are educated and serve are called officers. And for many of them serving in that capacity has a multiplier effect on career potential, along with develop good character, great leadership and workplace skills. I know, I'm was one of them. And as far as those other sacrifices, all I can say is you're welcome.
Those who are educated and serve are called officers. And for many of them serving in that capacity has a multiplier effect on career potential, along with develop good character, great leadership and workplace skills. I know, I'm was one of them. And as far as those other sacrifices, all I can say is you're welcome.
Before this thread goes off-topic, those who desire to serve as military officers don't usually do it as an afterthought, which the guy in question certainly seems to be doing. It's not a career you "end up" doing. Most officers I know have had a lifelong dream of being in leadership and have pursued it relentlessly, with all the planning and preparation necessary.
The military option, coming from this guy, seems to be yet another career that is planned for him for a certain period of time, much like grad school. It's just another way to throw his girlfriend off the scent.
alot of good advice here,,,,do YOUR thing first, dont be enabling him to fall on you..
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