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I've been with my girlfriend since December 2012, we moved in together after only a few months of dating. The distance was rough and we both felt strongly for each other and wanted to give it a shot. She was working freelance in her field at the time and wanted to try to get some new clients in my area. She has had a lot of health issues over the past several years and gets tired very easy. This was effecting us spending time together, the amount of time she could work and so on. She was a drug addict for years and has been clean for the past 6, but the drug use must've done some long term damage to her adrenal system. She often sleeps 9-10hrs a night, and will still be tired after what most would consider a fairly simple day. . She often distant and moody, due to stress - it's hard for me to bring a lot of positivity when all this is going on. I feel like I have to live up to her standards spiritually and intellectually or she'll just say it isn't working out after I help her out financially. I think things would be a lot smoother, if I wasn't worrying about all this stuff revolving around money and devotion.
I don't know what to think, I know she really wants to make things work, as do I. I just feel unsure about how to confront her about bills and work. Could use some advice.
OP, you might have to cut your losses on this one. There's a saying "Start how you intend to go on". You've already set a precedent of paying all the bills, taking her on an expensive v-day vacation and letting her get away with not working and you did all of this within a few months of dating!!!. It might be difficult to now get her to start paying bills.
Dating is not a sprint. Get to know someone before you start doing stuff like this.
I second what other posters said about seeking therapy on codependent relationships and having the urge to "save women". This just opens you to be used.
The antidote to AA is ALANON. The non adicted partner goes there, or simply reads the literature on their own. It will tell you how to stop being the enabler in the relationship. Bonus prize: they provide the same spirituality stuff as the 12-steppers.
Just because an addict isn't using a particular substance, it doesn't mean they're not using you.
Personally, I think you need to end things with this woman. What do you get out of it? Don't say it's because she will die or fail without you. That's part of the trap.
however, when she told me how much money she needed to help cover her bills, I was a bit shocked. I told her I'd help her with what I could, but it's a lot more than I figured
So you agreed to pay her bills before even seeing how much they were?
Quote:
Originally Posted by BlackSwan
She's also in a bunch of other 12 step programs like Workaholics, Underearners, Overeaters, etc that take up her time
Are you dating Marla Singer?
Quote:
Originally Posted by JustJulia
I'd tell her to take 12 steps out the door back to her own place.
You can shut the thread down; this post nailed it.
Just tell her you are not spiritual or enlightened enough for her. She needs a guy who can meet those needs adaquately.
One thing about "moving in", always discuss moving out arrangements prior to moving in...that is one important aspect people tend to overlook. She is there now....and wont go willingly. Time for harshness. Pack her stuff, drop her off at the homeless shelter.
Just curious, what is your sex life like with her?
Probably not "that" great if the OP is worried and stressed.
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Ha
