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I'm very nice and I think sometimes people think they can get over on me as a result. It's sad, but there's a lot of things that don't get to me the way they get to others and I'm not about to fake anger like some others do just because I'm aware of what a person is doing or trying to do. I try not to burn bridges when I can.
My thing is, if you know you're doing something simply because you know a person is nice and will likely overlook it, don't get upset when they retaliate. I've lost a lot of connections as a result of it because they became genuinely scared of me. I personally don't enjoy that experience.
It sounds like that "don't take kindness for weakness thing". I try to be nice to people most of the time, but when I felt like someone undervalued me or took my kindness for weakness, then I can get real nasty too.
I get ya on that one. I've actually had to warn some guys of that. There are two types of guys in this world. Guys that take sh t, and guys that don't. I'm not the type to take sh t. My downfall is pride. And I'm well aware of that! Many fights in my youth and early twenties to prove it.
I'm not saying anyone has to change. I am speaking strictly for myself. I like to work on myself in life. I would never kid myself into believing I could ever reach "self actualization". However, being kind and being nice to people is important to me. I could skittle by and be a douche bag (I am certainly not implying that that is ok with you either/ again strictly speaking for myself), but I don't feel good when I act/ feel that way. However, I don't expect to be "nice" or "kind" all the time. That's just not possible. That's that balance I was trying to talk about. If I am nice five to six days out of a week for me that's progress. And on that seventh day, someone pissess me off to the point where I jump down their throat (most likely my kids or my gf), than so be it. I can accept that I have bad days. I can also accept that in others. I can also accept that everey now and then I just feel like an asz hole and I just want to punish someone weather they are innocent or not. But overall, I generally strive to improve myself. Yet, there are many times that I fall short.
I right there with you. It's very hard for me to be positive all the time, because remaining positive in a crappy situation, is not always condusive to my well being. Sometimes I just want to vent and say how much a certain thing is bullcrap.
What's really been helping me the last year is just trying to truly take life day by day. If I have a bad day, let it happen, but the next day relive it as a new day. It has truly helped, since lately I have had a few more down days than good days, but I'm able to maintain my ability to think clearly.
Some days just suck, but I try my hardest not to harp on them!
I don't think anyone can ever be too nice, however, there's a difference in being too nice and being a doormat. Also, I think there is a fine line in being "smothering."
I'm just curious how others feel regarding this. I find that when I was single I could never be with someone with no back bone or who was a "I don't care" all the time person. So what do you think? I shortened it to keep it simple. I don't want to sway anyone with my views..
To put it simply. Is too nice in a relationship annoying? It doesn't have to be relegated to relationships. but since this is the relationship forum and I want to abide by their rules. However, even some posters who are always too nice can be annoying. I would never name names. What do you think?
It can definitely be irritating to have too much of anything. I suppose I can handle a dose of an extremely nice person. It is when that person gets too attached, then it becomes an annoyance in most cases.
It sounds like that "don't take kindness for weakness thing". I try to be nice to people most of the time, but when I felt like someone undervalued me or took my kindness for weakness, then I can get real nasty too.
I get ya on that one. I've actually had to warn some guys of that. There are two types of guys in this world. Guys that take sh t, and guys that don't. I'm not the type to take sh t. My downfall is pride. And I'm well aware of that! Many fights in my youth and early twenties to prove it.
Yep. I'm not sure if I'm proud or not anymore...I certainly use to be but I can tell you that some people have gotten legitimately angry at me when I've said no to them after they've done the same thing over and over and have even become shocked when I say something as simple as, "I hope you realize you're doing too much. You need to stand on your own two feet." I don't think it's all that much to really help someone. If it were me and I made a mistake I'd like some help as well. But I try to learn from it. Also, I'm even willing to go along with something because I see it as a way of learning and experiencing new things. But when I say enough, I mean enough. Doesn't mean you can't go do what you want or I'm judging you, it just means I'm done.
I'm just curious how others feel regarding this. I find that when I was single I could never be with someone with no back bone or who was a "I don't care" all the time person. So what do you think? I shortened it to keep it simple. I don't want to sway anyone with my views..
To put it simply. Is too nice in a relationship annoying? It doesn't have to be relegated to relationships. but since this is the relationship forum and I want to abide by their rules. However, even some posters who are always too nice can be annoying. I would never name names. What do you think?
What you describe isn't being nice. Its its being a doormat and being purposely noncommittal to let others make all the decisions.
Truly being nice isn't annoying and a person can't be too kind or too considerate. Fake nice is annoying, some people will kiss other peoples' butts to make them think they're so nice but really its just to make other people like them when they are just playing a part. But people who are REALLY honestly nice are not annoying.
Location: On the "Left Coast", somewhere in "the Land of Fruits & Nuts"
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Reactions to ''nice'' can also depend on class distinctions, education and cultural attitudes, and some places it's even a sign of weakness or being a ''mark''. Extreme examples, but obviously a ''nice'' guy is going to be viewed differently by a college professor, than say a ''biker chick''!
I don't see the two going hand in hand, nice and no backbone. Nice doesn't mean you let people step all over you, at least to me it doesn't. Being very kind and nice to people is great as long as its genuine. In that case I don't know that there is a too nice. Those that are very kind, compassionate people always run the risk of being used, but I'd rather be that way than the other way.
But I think I know what you mean, those that walk the fine line never wanting to state an opinion or take a stand. Those kinda people drive me nuts. They also don't do a damn thing to help others. They ride the fence scared someone will be upset if they state an honest opinion. I'm a very compassionate person, I've taken in stray animals for many years, but I have strong opinions of whats right and wrong. It makes me wonder those that you label too nice, the ride the fence types, what do they really think.
I think it all boils down to one single word: insecurity.
Constant fence-sitters, doormats and flip-floppers are all weak people. I'd even call them "pathetic". Most of them probably do have opinions of their own, but they are afraid of voicing it to other people. Therefore they are dishonest and possibly even manipulative. They prioritize people-pleasing over their own beliefs. Most others do not respect them, and some outright dislike them.
On the flip side...there are some people who DO state their opinions...but when someone else challenges it or otherwise gives a dissent or alternate viewpoint, the person either (a) immediately backs down and gives in to the other person's view, or (b) immediately plays the "we'll agree to disagree" card, or (c) gets overly and unnecessarily defensive (emotionally so sometimes) when responding. Such people are also insecure.
Then we have the people who simply try too hard. It comes across as desperate, which usually makes most others want to distance themselves. It also comes across as fake, as if they're wearing a mask. They usually have hidden agendas. Deliberately disguising one's true personality is yet another sign of weakness and insecurity.
A real nice person is naturally kind; he doesn't force it. He also stands up for himself and will put his foot down when necessary, without being a jerk about it. Nobody who truly "is themselves" is nice 100% of the time. He expresses/defends his opinions in a confident, constructive and civilized manner...and is also open-minded.
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