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Old 03-28-2013, 07:44 PM
 
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I don't know if anyone shares this view but between getting cheated on vs your spouse physically abusing you, I think the first might be worked out (depending on the circumstances, how long did the cheating took place, are you married to that person, etc.) but the latter it's something you can't recover from.

Both of them would be immediately deal-breakers to me but see if I had to choose which one might be worked out, it would be getting cheated on. At least, I would know there was a flaw in the relationship and communication issues but wouldn't be worrying about my safety nor have flashbacks of the look on his face when he snapped.

With hitting, this is a blow I would never recover from (I see aggression as a black-n-white area) nor ever look at him the same. My feelings would change to absolute disgust towards him. No amount of ''I'm sorry'' nor counseling would make me give it another shot.

Overall, I see abused worst than getting cheated on.

 
Old 03-28-2013, 07:45 PM
 
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Ok
 
Old 03-28-2013, 07:47 PM
 
1,303 posts, read 1,630,183 times
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Yet, to some they think getting cheated on is worst. It's vice-versa to me. At least with cheating, you don't have to worry about filing for a restraining order.
 
Old 03-28-2013, 07:51 PM
 
Location: Soldotna
2,268 posts, read 1,734,158 times
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How about neither?

Emotional pain hurts as much as physical pain.
 
Old 03-28-2013, 07:52 PM
 
Location: IN A COOKIE JAR
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Well yeah, I totally agree with you. No human being, woman, man, child or the elderly should have to suffer from physical abuse. It's one of my pet peeves in society. I've never been hit by a man in my life, well, I received a tiny spanking from my father when I was a child but that's it. Well, ok I got a few switches or flip flop spankings from my mother but ok that's really it and not only normal but fine with me.

I really cannot imagine the horror some people go through with physical abuse. My heart just breaks for them. But I also understand some woman actually seek this in a relationship for whatever reason. It's sad but it happens.

So without a doubt I agree with you.
 
Old 03-28-2013, 07:56 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AnonymouseX View Post
How about neither?

Emotional pain hurts as much as physical pain.
True. Don't get me wrong. I would dump him either way but I was just saying if I had to hypothetically pick one to work it out with.

For instance if a man I was dating cheated on a ex gf but claimed to have changed, I would still be on the look-out for red flags but this can be worked out (if he was truly remorseful about what he did to the other woman and never did that again to other women).

But if I was dating a man and found out or he told me about hitting an ex gf or other women at some point in his life and it wasn't done in complete self-defense, I would dump him on the spot.

To me it's like aggression in a man is more disgusting than a lying, cheating loser. Both of them are losers but I would be more alarmed if he has violent traits.
 
Old 03-28-2013, 08:01 PM
 
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I'd rather be single than tolerate either situation.
 
Old 03-28-2013, 08:04 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by GINGERSNAP1963 View Post
I've never been hit by a man in my life, well, I received a tiny spanking from my father when I was a child but that's it. Well, ok I got a few switches or flip flop spankings from my mother but ok that's really it and not only normal but fine with me.
Same here. The only man that hit me was my father (with his belt during my early years or hands, though very few times) and even so I still think I didn't deserve it.

But if an adult man hit me, I wouldn't hesitate to reporting it and let him face the consequences of jail time and a permanent record on his file. And I wouldn't withdraw charges.

I guess I think that way because I'm a woman. An angry man delivering hits is both scary and infuriating to me.
 
Old 03-28-2013, 08:05 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JanND View Post
I'd rather be single than tolerate either situation.
That's a good one. I like that.
 
Old 03-29-2013, 12:25 AM
 
4,101 posts, read 5,894,804 times
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I don't think a woman should have to choose which would be tolerable. Neither incident should ever happen in a marriage, but I know it does. I suppose cheaters have some way of justifying cheating in their own mind. I've always thought if I ever got to the point where I would consider cheating, I would just leave first. As far as striking a woman goes, there is no good reason ever for doing that. I have no use for a man that would hit his wife, it is bad enough when he speaks in a tone that is overly harsh or says things to belittle her. Once you say words, you can never take them back, it is better to remain silent...
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