Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
It's kind of amazing to me that there are still so many people out there who are of the opinion that "my sexual past is none of a present partner's business."
Sexually transmitted disease either must mean nothing to people, or people are very, very naive about what they may or may not be exposed to.
It shocks me that you think this is the issue.
Do you think the OP would not care about her past if she tested clean for all STD's? I think he'd still care. It's not about that at all.
It's kind of amazing to me that there are still so many people out there who are of the opinion that "my sexual past is none of a present partner's business."
Sexually transmitted disease either must mean nothing to people, or people are very, very naive about what they may or may not be exposed to.
Quote:
Originally Posted by NDSUBison
Yeah it kind of shocks me as well. Maybe they are the women that are in their late 30s and up with regards to age? They didnt have to deal with the amount of STDs and the higher percent and number of people having them when they started having having sex in their teens through their 20s.
I am in my late 20s and every relationship I have been in we have discussed sexual histories, same goes with the friends that I have talked to about this since I have read some of the comments in this thread.
Maybe its a reason why STDs are so rampant in todays society? Because people dont discuss their sexual histories with their partners?
That's why you get tested, and then be prepared to share the results. The only thing a partner is entitled to know is whether you have a clean bill of health. The rest is really not anyone's business unless someone voluntarily chooses to make it so. And besides, although the more partners one has, the greater the chance of contracting something, having had only a few partners doesn't automatically make one "clean." Not even virgins can claim that if they've ever gotten naked with someone. Things like herpes and HPV do not require penetration for transmission.
You can sleep with one person and end up with an STD.
It had been a DECADE since her behavior, so I'm thinking she had been tested during that time.
That doesn't make anyone entitled to know the details of your past sex life, only that you have a clean bill of health.
Wouldn't it be ironic if the OP was so interested in getting the details that he forgot to ask this important question?
__________________ ____________________________________________
My posts as a Mod will always be in red.
Be sure to review Terms of Service: TOS
And check this out: FAQ
Moderator: Relationships Forum / Hawaii Forum / Dogs / Pets / Current Events
I think the idea of "my past is my business and your past is your business" is a good one because it respects the idea that people will have pasts and respects the idea that things can get stirred up upon revealing their past.
so in this case, if it weren't for the reunion thing drama, this relationship might still be perfectly OK. i mean the OP was OK with her having 6 partners in her past.
and here's another thing. if they got married, the pressures of marriage and the natural stresses always cause tension and conflict, even without the idea of something like this. this can only add fuel to those fires if it's not resolved.
ive heard and read that guys always perceive these things as competition (ie she has 35 partners I only had 5) when they should perceive it more like "she chose those 35 because of factor X and factor Y and i chose 5 because of factor X and factor Y". but i guess it's easier said than done
Yeah it kind of shocks me as well. Maybe they are the women that are in their late 30s and up with regards to age? They didnt have to deal with the amount of STDs and the higher percent and number of people having them when they started having having sex in their teens through their 20s.
I am in my late 20s and every relationship I have been in we have discussed sexual histories, same goes with the friends that I have talked to about this since I have read some of the comments in this thread.
Maybe its a reason why STDs are so rampant in todays society? Because people dont discuss their sexual histories with their partners?
I'm in my midthirties, and therefore am a child of the 80s, when AIDS was first ALLLLLL over the news. It's stunning to me that anybody who grew up in that timeframe or after could be so cavalier about sexual histories. Stunning.
I came here for some logic and reason and did not really find much. Maybe it's a gender thing.
Anyway, this morning "Jane" and I had a long talk that really went nowhere. I told her that we are pretty much over as a couple. She refuses to see it that way and wants to talk and talk and talk more. I just do not see any value in that.
I flat out asked her why she lied about having only 6 sex partners. She actually answered candidly and said she didn't want me to see her as a ****. She asked what she could do and I said she could actually start with the truth. I don't want to get into sordid details but the "frat brother count" is actually closer to 50. She said she can't remember a specific total and I guess I believe her on that. I asked her how in hell she could rack up numbers like that and she said that sometimes they had small parties and they had what they called "hummer lines" where a bunch of girls would sequentially do a bunch of guys. She thought it was fun and sexy at the time. Enough.
I asked if she also "had intercourse" like that and she said no. Intercourse was in private. How many? About two thirds of them, again she didn't really know exact numbers.
So that's pretty well it. She put out and had intercourse with some 40 stinky frat brothers and blew even more. Call me whatever you ladies want, but that is just not acceptable to me in a long term life partner.
Jane certainly has every and any right to have done and to do whatever she wants. Equally, I have every right to feel disgusted and walk.
As I've said before I am an average guy, sexually speaking, and I believed Jane to be an average girl, sexually speaking, when she said her number is 6. Without blowjobs it's like 40+ and including blowjobs, it's 50+.
Many of you called me a misogynist and called me terrible names for treating her so poorly. You know what? The indelicate posters who actually called her factually correct "names" were on the money dead right. Anyway, why would I want to marry such a person? And if she was just doing normal things that normal girls do, then why hide it? The answer you ladies would provide would be "she hid it because she knows what an ******* you are and that you would judge her." I am not an ******* but I do judge her. In my frame of thought an average normal girl does NOT go down on over 50 guys at a particular frat house. That is beyond slutty. I'm no shrink but I have to believe that there are mental issues involved here.
Trying to shame ME by saying she's better off without me does you an injustice. The reality of the world (NOT what you ladies would like reality to be) is that most men do not want to marry a woman with a sexual track record like this, regardless of whatever other wonderful traits she may have.
I actually swallowed my pride and confided in my best friend on all this after she left but you probably don't want to hear that.
She's already called up so we can talk more but I think I'm kind of talked out.
This is good. Like I said in my previous post. She'd be nuts to stay with you with your attitude.
I think that I don't really wanna know every single detail of my partners past. Just as long as she's got a clean bill of health. I don't really need to know the exact number of partners and intimate details of how the last dude drilled her into the mattress....
Like Chris Rock says, "just be glad you're ****ing her now."
Having a high number count bothers some more than others, when I was pretty young, probably early 20's it bothered me big time, but as I got older I realized that it's not that big of a deal. People can rack up fairly high numbers, specially as they get older or haven't had LTR's or been married.
It's kind of amazing to me that there are still so many people out there who are of the opinion that "my sexual past is none of a present partner's business."
Sexually transmitted disease either must mean nothing to people, or people are very, very naive about what they may or may not be exposed to.
Indeed. I grew up during the beginning of the AIDS scare; in the late 80s and early 90s it was hammered into our heads that your sexual history IS your new partner's business, and if asked you must tell the truth. While Iam no longer terrified of stds, the "tell the truth" mantra is still the way I live.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
