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This is sad. What a sad world, if this is the norm.
I don't think it's all that sad, lol
If you only knew what some men have said & done, all because they thought my niceness gave them the
green light in the romance department......
It would make you blush
And btw, it's my nature to be nice, (being a Libra) & I'm just much more reserved & cautious than I used to be
I think a lot of men do this...... I never did... but I know a lot do......I never usually notice when a woman is being flirty with me... LOL..... I was such a dodo head....
Smiles Winks Leaning in close pretending that you can't hear Touching the woman's arm or hand. Helping them out(carrying items) Accidently bumping into them. Touching a knee Hand on the shoulder or back
Except for carrying out items, these are a womans way of flirting.
It's one of those areas where it's six of one, a half-dozen of the other rather than it's this OR it's that.
Stan has the right of it: Mostly, it's projection. However, there are loads of other factors at play.
I, for one, cannot read subtle flirtations -- I simply cannot do it; but there are reasons based on social conditioning which inhibit this for me. For one thing I was brought up by verbally/emotionally abusive parents who taught me that I was inferior in looks (one parent) and intellectually (other parent), with the result that well into adulthood I absolutely could not imagine any woman ever flirting with me. Instant negation of all cues.
For another, with the volatile social tides of the past several decades we've had entire generations (at least a couple now) of men brought up with a kind of social fear of women. Before someone goes off the deep end screaming at me, let me assure you this was NOT the work of "all teh evul wimmenz", but the vociferous work of a relative few, whose squeaky social wheels got the social oil. Read "OVERT and PUSHY Feminists, but not all Feminists". It's quite easy to pretend we should always discern, but when a young man has less emotional and social foundation and he encounters a normal woman with Feminist views and a pushy witch who espouses her status as a Feminist, one makes a larger impression than the other, and thus more lasting.
Looks come into play with this as well. There's no need to replay the famed Tom Brady episode of Saturday Night Live, we're all familiar with it; and like it or not, this IS how things generally play out. The best humor is funny that way: It contains enough truth to touch a chord within us.
The immediate and obvious result would be one Tom Brady who gets to LEARN the positive cues because he gets to SEE them, and "inferior specimens by comparison" who do NOT see the positive cues, and thus don't get to LEARN them. I can teach you some basic math on our fingers, but that's as far as you're getting unless I at least draw in the dirt, let alone provide actual course materials.
However, it's not like women really are a lot better. Where projection comes into play (and this is with both, but my examples are women) is when we see what we want to see.
I've known women I've flirted with who later insisted they had no idea. They thought I was a super-nice guy, but flirting? Was he? No, I didn't see that!
They weren't interested in me; thus, my gestures and cues went unnoticed as anything more than what these particular women WANTED out of me, which was for me to be a nice guy.
I've known women with whom I have merely been friendly -- and have found they were later angry with me because I was "toying with their emotions" and constantly flirting but never taking it anywhere, keeping them on the hook for my own perverse jollies.
It goes back to something I said LONG ago in these forums, and it applies to both sexes:
The difference between a prospective mate and a creep/stalker is VERY often less what's actually said and more about reciprocal interest. Two guys (or two women) may behave in exactly the same way and say precisely the same things; but the one in whom you're interested is flirting, while the other one is creepy/irritating.
Exactly the same signals, eyes, subtle cues and subjects of study as those from which either of these articles might derive their "startling new information", just a different angle of observation.
I posted about this today, about a guy I was friends with and thought he was gay turned out he wasnt and thought my friendliness was me flirting!! Very embarresing lol
It's one of those areas where it's six of one, a half-dozen of the other rather than it's this OR it's that.
Stan has the right of it: Mostly, it's projection. However, there are loads of other factors at play.
I, for one, cannot read subtle flirtations -- I simply cannot do it; but there are reasons based on social conditioning which inhibit this for me. For one thing I was brought up by verbally/emotionally abusive parents who taught me that I was inferior in looks (one parent) and intellectually (other parent), with the result that well into adulthood I absolutely could not imagine any woman ever flirting with me. Instant negation of all cues.
For another, with the volatile social tides of the past several decades we've had entire generations (at least a couple now) of men brought up with a kind of social fear of women. Before someone goes off the deep end screaming at me, let me assure you this was NOT the work of "all teh evul wimmenz", but the vociferous work of a relative few, whose squeaky social wheels got the social oil. Read "OVERT and PUSHY Feminists, but not all Feminists". It's quite easy to pretend we should always discern, but when a young man has less emotional and social foundation and he encounters a normal woman with Feminist views and a pushy witch who espouses her status as a Feminist, one makes a larger impression than the other, and thus more lasting.
Looks come into play with this as well. There's no need to replay the famed Tom Brady episode of Saturday Night Live, we're all familiar with it; and like it or not, this IS how things generally play out. The best humor is funny that way: It contains enough truth to touch a chord within us.
The immediate and obvious result would be one Tom Brady who gets to LEARN the positive cues because he gets to SEE them, and "inferior specimens by comparison" who do NOT see the positive cues, and thus don't get to LEARN them. I can teach you some basic math on our fingers, but that's as far as you're getting unless I at least draw in the dirt, let alone provide actual course materials.
However, it's not like women really are a lot better. Where projection comes into play (and this is with both, but my examples are women) is when we see what we want to see.
I've known women I've flirted with who later insisted they had no idea. They thought I was a super-nice guy, but flirting? Was he? No, I didn't see that!
They weren't interested in me; thus, my gestures and cues went unnoticed as anything more than what these particular women WANTED out of me, which was for me to be a nice guy.
I've known women with whom I have merely been friendly -- and have found they were later angry with me because I was "toying with their emotions" and constantly flirting but never taking it anywhere, keeping them on the hook for my own perverse jollies.
It goes back to something I said LONG ago in these forums, and it applies to both sexes:
The difference between a prospective mate and a creep/stalker is VERY often less what's actually said and more about reciprocal interest. Two guys (or two women) may behave in exactly the same way and say precisely the same things; but the one in whom you're interested is flirting, while the other one is creepy/irritating.
Exactly the same signals, eyes, subtle cues and subjects of study as those from which either of these articles might derive their "startling new information", just a different angle of observation.
Agreed and also had similar experiences with women aswell, when it comes to gestures and cues.
Agreed, but some people on here try to argue the opposite.
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