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I edited this post because I thought Iwas going to drop out due to being snubbed from a party and well I guess the posts made me realize I was being a bit of a whiney baby about it.
Oh, Artsyguy, YOU ARE YOUR OWN WORST ENEMY, AND IT'S TIME TO STOP THE WAR!!! I'm saying this affectionately to you...you are doing this to yourself, and you CAN turn this around.
In previous posts, you are always quick to remind us that you are attractive, upbeat, etc., etc. - well, since you've got that nailed, obviously there's more to having friends and SO's than the EXTERIOR things you seem fixated on, right? As long as you are preoccupied with YOU and YOUR LOOKS and YOUR ATTRACTIVENESS and YOU, YOU, YOU -- people will continue to act this way.
People are drawn to people who LISTEN to THEM, who show an interest in THEM, and who have a quiet self-assurance and do not need to go around constantly confirming how great they are.
If I were your Mom, I'd tell you: It's OK that you're gay; yes - you're very attractive and nice - NOW STOP OBSSESSING ABOUT YOURSELF, AND GO HAVE FUN WITH--AND SHOW AN INTEREST IN--OTHERS, AND LEARN TO LAUGH AT YOURSELF.
Then people will want to get to know you better, and will be drawn to you!
what are you talking about?
How can I go get to know people IF nobody is willing to give me a chance. I know how to empathize with people. People must also do so for me.
SO there.
Quote:
Originally Posted by SaveMtns
Oh, Artsyguy, YOU ARE YOUR OWN WORST ENEMY, AND IT'S TIME TO STOP THE WAR!!! I'm saying this affectionately to you...you are doing this to yourself, and you CAN turn this around.
In previous posts, you are always quick to remind us that you are attractive, upbeat, etc., etc. - well, since you've got that nailed, obviously there's more to having friends and SO's than the EXTERIOR things you seem fixated on, right? As long as you are preoccupied with YOU and YOUR LOOKS and YOUR ATTRACTIVENESS and YOU, YOU, YOU -- people will continue to act this way.
People are drawn to people who LISTEN to THEM, who show an interest in THEM, and who have a quiet self-assurance and do not need to go around constantly confirming how great they are.
If I were your Mom, I'd tell you: It's OK that you're gay; yes - you're very attractive and nice - NOW STOP OBSSESSING ABOUT YOURSELF, AND GO HAVE FUN WITH--AND SHOW AN INTEREST IN--OTHERS, AND LEARN TO LAUGH AT YOURSELF.
Then people will want to get to know you better, and will be drawn to you!
First of all I communicate very well. I listen very well. I have excellent social skills. Quiet self assurance? You mean you think I go around bragging about myself? Um no. I've never done that before. I try to impress by listening well, asking questions, smiling, making jokes, and even listening to the person's feelings (active listening). Apparentely people are bothered by that, do not believe me, or will not give me the chance. That is what I meant by trying to impress.
Obviously I am being misuderstood. Sorry u misunderstood me.
Quote:
Originally Posted by SaveMtns
People are drawn to people who LISTEN to THEM, who show an interest in THEM, and who have a quiet self-assurance and do not need to go around constantly confirming how great they are.
LAUGH AT YOURSELF.
Then people will want to get to know you better, and will be drawn to you!
Obviously I am being misuderstood. Sorry u misunderstood me.
You obviously are not that empathetic. I think that you must give out some very arrogant vibes to your fellow students. Whether or not they know you are gay doesn't matter. Even when I was in college umpteen years ago, the student population was not homophobic.
Anyway, you are in school for the academics, and not for the party life, so just focus on your studies, excel in them, graduate and leave all these people behind. Why would you want to be their friends anyway? Even if you are acting nice to them, inside you still don't really respect them and are in fact, just using them to pass the time.
Just reading your posts, I'm just guessing that you have sociopathic tendencies, but you should seek professional advice and have yourself properly evaluated.
artsyguy: I see from your posts that you've established in your own mind that you're at minimum a pretty nice and normal person and that it's everyone else who has a problem in apparently not wanting to be around you and apparently blatantly excluding you from social activities. Maybe you ARE that one in a million who just happens to be amongst a group of incredibly crass and obnoxious individuals who are too warped to acknowledge your superior looks and personality, but I don't think so. Your life passage might be rather grim unless you make an effort to discover why you are being shunned. Have you considered counselling or are your convinced that the fault lies with everyone else and not with you? Good luck in your quest.
No, I am not blaming everyone. And YES I did consider maybe that I did not attend the first week of social activities. I thought that maybe the social group was hurt by that? It is a large group of people...I am just an individual. I didn't think that I mattered that much. Are large groups of people NOT intimidating to most? I surely get anxious around large groups. Smaller groups I am fine with.
I just think they should try to be more forgiving and understanding of people and allow people to adjust and be social at their own pace. I guess I am going at my own pace and people here don't like that.
The second component to this problem is that this is my first semester here. People don't know me too well enough to invite me out.
I did see a social worker here and he wasn't much help LOL. He kind of agreed with me about gay people being judgemental because they felt oppressed their entire lives. But I was like so what, get over it, gay people need to open their eyes and see that society is more accepting of gays and even welcoming to them
Quote:
Originally Posted by STT Resident
artsyguy: I see from your posts that you've established in your own mind that you're at minimum a pretty nice and normal person and that it's everyone else who has a problem in apparently not wanting to be around you and apparently blatantly excluding you from social activities. Maybe you ARE that one in a million who just happens to be amongst a group of incredibly crass and obnoxious individuals who are too warped to acknowledge your superior looks and personality, but I don't think so. Your life passage might be rather grim unless you make an effort to discover why you are being shunned. Have you considered counselling or are your convinced that the fault lies with everyone else and not with you? Good luck in your quest.
Location: Life here is not an Apollo Mission. Everyone calm down.
1,065 posts, read 4,536,860 times
Reputation: 999
I wish I could hold your face and force you to look into my eyes so you could hear me say.....don't quit school.....get a new roommate....or do what a lot of us do and live alone!!!
This is YOUR future you are talking about...not some stupid relationship with some stupid, insensitive roommate.
I know this doesn't sound like a 45 year old mother,....but F him!
Get on with it....
Stop worrying about anything.
You act like you don't even like yourself....all this doubt and worry about what people think.
I'm a plump single mom with a colostomy bag hanging off my gut and I could careless what anyone thinks!
You have youth, a mind, grow some!!!
And that was my mommy voice.
You are not a victim here, but you sure act like one.
Knock it off....study hard.....and leave them all in your dust.
Yes I know colleges are pretty liberal places. That is true.
I think one of the issues is that if I am that bad. Then somebody needs to point out the behavior. For example : You not showing up on time is very offensive. please don't do it again. OR Your tone of voice is abusive please do not use it with me again.
You are RIGHT about using them to pass the time because I am bored LOL. That is true. I've been in situations like that many times where I dislike the person or people and think he or she is a loser but will use them to help pass the boring times.
I've been to a social worker and he kept saying I was normal. I think he was just saying that though...I didn't really trust his opinion because I know that I am a pretty quick tempered and anxious person to begin with.
I don't think sociopathic is too accurate imo, because usually sociopathic-ish people have addictions, are the life of the party, have poor impulse control, looks like they have 100 friends, take but never give, don't really care to ask for others opinions, and all niceness is a facade.
I'm more on the sassy side if I don't get my way....haha as you can tell.
Some of your input is still a bit helpful and true.
Quote:
Originally Posted by miu
You obviously are not that empathetic. I think that you must give out some very arrogant vibes to your fellow students. Whether or not they know you are gay doesn't matter. Even when I was in college umpteen years ago, the student population was not homophobic.
Anyway, you are in school for the academics, and not for the party life, so just focus on your studies, excel in them, graduate and leave all these people behind. Why would you want to be their friends anyway? Even if you are acting nice to them, inside you still don't really respect them and are in fact, just using them to pass the time.
Just reading your posts, I'm just guessing that you have sociopathic tendencies, but you should seek professional advice and have yourself properly evaluated.
Love the advice. Will need to read it throughout the semester so I don't forget.
Quote:
Originally Posted by MainStreet
I wish I could hold your face and force you to look into my eyes so you could hear me say.....don't quit school.....get a new roommate....or do what a lot of us do and live alone!!!
This is YOUR future you are talking about...not some stupid relationship with some stupid, insensitive roommate.
I know this doesn't sound like a 45 year old mother,....but F him!
Get on with it....
Stop worrying about anything.
You act like you don't even like yourself....all this doubt and worry about what people think.
I'm a plump single mom with a colostomy bag hanging off my gut and I could careless what anyone thinks!
You have youth, a mind, grow some!!!
And that was my mommy voice.
You are not a victim here, but you sure act like one.
Knock it off....study hard.....and leave them all in your dust.
The end...I have to go make garlic bread!
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