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Funny you say that. He did mention that people have been telling him since he was a child that he should be a politician.
Which gets me thinking. This is not the first time I have attracted somebody like this. Not to this degree, but nearly every guy I've dated has been selfish and power-hungry at the core. I can't help but wonder if there's something that I'm "putting out there" that is attracting these taker personalities.
Not surprisingly, both of my parents were takers too. I learned to mold myself to them because they didn't have the ability (or desire) to really care about my life or needs. So maybe I'm just repeating this dysfunction, where I attract these guys who only care about themselves and their image.
I've always thought that being a "good person" was the way to go. But being so unselfish is not working for me.
I've been dating this guy for about a month. The other night he said to me that he has no idea who he authentically is, and does not care to know. He says that being honest with people is not important to him, and that he was raised in a family who "preys on the weak". He acted proud of this.
Up until this point, I have noticed that he can be self-centered at times and doesn't rank high on the empathy scale, but I did not expect things of this degree to come out of his mouth. I know that he had a rough childhood where he felt unloved by his parents, but I thought he had come out better than this.....
I really don't see how I can continue dating this guy. His statements are practically sociopathic.
That's exactly what I was thinking as I was reading the second paragraph,"he's a sociopath". As someone who was married for 38 years to one and didn't know it (mental health was not known about then like it is today), my advice is to get out of the relationship immediately and find another man who is kind and caring toward you and others.
I've always thought that being a "good person" was the way to go. But being so unselfish is not working for me.
Maybe. But then again maybe good/unselfish vs bad/selfish is just a false alternative. Could it be possible that other ways of living are possible? Could it be possible that one could refuse to allow one's self to be sacrificed to the interests of others (unselfish), and at the same time not sacrifice the interests of others to one's own interests? A truly independent human being.....
I've been dating this guy for about a month. The other night he said to me that he has no idea who he authentically is, and does not care to know. He says that being honest with people is not important to him, and that he was raised in a family who "preys on the weak". He acted proud of this.
Up until this point, I have noticed that he can be self-centered at times and doesn't rank high on the empathy scale, but I did not expect things of this degree to come out of his mouth. I know that he had a rough childhood where he felt unloved by his parents, but I thought he had come out better than this.....
I really don't see how I can continue dating this guy. His statements are practically sociopathic.
Directed towards the OP…
My question to you is??? Why are you bringing his here asking what you should do?
You state some knowledge of who he is…based on your knowledge of his childhood and so forth..
Then he states to you that he does not know who he is and does not care to know…This in itself is scary,…Not the part where he stated he does not know who he is, this could be very valid, a lot of people take years to find themselves but at least they make strides to find themselves..
The worrisome part of his statement was that he is like his family and they prey on the weak.. This is not a socio-path even they know the etiquette of human behavior in order to get married and have children….
This stance on life is very narcissistic, very egocentric..not lacking empathy but turning off that switch if it does not benefit them, he sounds more like a hustler…
What I am wondering though if this statement is stated more out of a defense mechanism rather than a blanket statement since most socio-paths are very reserved about talking about themselves period..
A warning sign for those they deal with in efforts to hold those at bay from really getting close due to a very hostile and dysfunctional upbringing,
Either way? This is too much baggage and I would not stay in a relationship like this at all…Say your goodbyes and chalk it up to one of those fleeting moments in your life and do not look back.
My question to you is??? Why are you bringing his here asking what you should do?
I know what I should do, and in fact I've already done it. I posted here because it was shocking to me that someone could even say things like this, let alone live their life by them.
Regarding your statement about a defense mechanism, I've considered this about him. When I met him, he did not seem dangerous or sociopathic - obviously, or I wouldn't have agreed to date him. He actually seemed innocent, unassuming, kind of boyish. When he would try to act "bad" or "cool", I attributed that to his insecurity, trying to cover up how vulnerable he actually was with a "superior" facade. But, defense mechanism or not, it's clear that he has no intention of getting rid of it any time soon. It's probably the only way he feels good about himself, if he can put others down and act like he's "above" everything. I think that to him, the world is "eat or be eaten". And he wants to eat.
PatthernsInTheIvy & Michigan Transplant - I want to remain a kind person, and seek out kind people as well. But honestly I've been finding that so much of life is a game. Most people don't operate on truth. I have seen people with good hearts change themselves into cruel people just so they themselves wouldn't be victimized. It seems that many people are so afraid of being real and vulnerable that they play whatever game they have to play just so they don't end up finishing last. It becomes dog-eat-dog.
I know that all the world isn't like this. But it seems like this cutthroat type of mentality is on the rise today.
Just curious, what was the context of his statement? Is it a general statement about how he treats all others (e.g. even women and children?) - then I would think "sociopath."
Or, was he referring to a specific environment, such as where he works (e.g. politics, sports, sales - where lying and preying on the weak in the game is, unfortunately, sometimes financially rewarded)? In this case, I would think he was more of a narcissist with low empathy, low morals.... Either way, I'd end it.
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